“Besides,” Dante continued before she could voice her opinion, “if we were going to take this any further, I’d rather it be sometime when it isn’t cold and raining and generally miserable out.”
That point was considerably harder to argue, and some of the starch left Nadia’s spine.
What was she thinking, anyway? She was not reckless. She was not impulsive. She didn’t dive into things without examining the consequences carefully in advance. She’d felt a reluctant attraction to Dante since they’d first met, but that attraction hadn’t truly caught fire until she’d been locked away in this forsaken retreat, cut off from all men and boys.
Was any of it real? Or was she just using Dante because he was convenient? Could she possibly trust herself when her life was crumbling around her and her emotions were in a constant state of turmoil and confusion?
Nadia shivered, and Dante cuddled her closer. The rain was starting to let up, but she was already soaked through. Even if no one saw her sneak back into the dorm, her clothes wouldn’t be dry by morning. Whoever came in to tidy up would find the wet clothes and know she’d been out in the rain. Not to mention that the book she’d been carrying with her was probably ruined for good. Maybe that would cause nothing more than a few raised eyebrows, but she would have to assume her “guardians” would keep a closer eye on her from now on, wondering what she was up to wandering around in the rain late at night.
“I might not be able to come tomorrow night,” she said, deciding to ignore the issue of what she and Dante might do if they met again in better weather. “They’re going to know I snuck out tonight, and I don’t want anyone to get curious. The staff here are so nosy, I wouldn’t put it past them to have someone follow me.”
Dante nodded. “I understand. I’ll be here anyway, just in case. And if you think someone might be watching you, you probably should sneak out as usual and then just take a nice long stroll around the grounds. If they think that’s what you’re doing every night, they’ll lose interest real fast.”
Nadia couldn’t help but smile. “I’m lucky I can get advice from a real live spy.”
“Don’t take chances,” he warned. “I’m here if you need me, but don’t give them any more reasons to watch you too closely.”
“I won’t,” she promised.
She had a feeling that by the time the next night rolled around, she’d be longing for company once again, and the urge to meet Dante would be hard to resist. But he was right. If she wanted to make sure he could continue to visit like this, she had to exercise a little restraint. No matter how hard it was.
CHAPTER TEN
Nadia saw no sign that her midnight walk in the rain had caused more than a raised eyebrow from her keepers. No one questioned her about the wet clothes, nor about the ruined book, which was removed from her room while she was out at breakfast. Even so, she felt as if eyes were on her at all times. A paranoid delusion, maybe, but she forced herself to humor it anyway, just in case it wasn’t so paranoid after all.
Her mind kept replaying the sensation of Dante’s kiss, and sometimes she could almost feel the tingle in her lips.
He was an impossible dream, of course. Even if she didn’t end up spending the rest of her days hidden behind the walls of a retreat, she could hardly be with someone like him. Even ruined as she was, she would be expected to consort only with “her own kind,” and Dante would not qualify. Never mind that “her own kind” would do nothing but sneer at her for her scandalous past.
When Sunday afternoon rolled around, Nadia wasn’t at all sure what to expect. She wasn’t sure she could face a repeat of the last visiting day, but surely her family would relent now that the initial shock of her fall from grace had worn off.
Now if only Nadia could figure out whether a visit from her family would be a good thing or a bad thing.
She missed everyone, of course. Even with Dante’s visits, her loneliness at the retreat was palpable and oppressive. But how could she possibly face her mother, knowing what she knew? And how was she supposed to pretend she didn’t know? She was a reasonably good actress, skilled at hiding her true feelings—a survival trait for an Executive who spent so much time in the public eye—but she wasn’t sure her acting skills were up to the task.
The possibility of having to face her mother almost convinced her not to make an appearance at the visitors’ lobby at all. Staying away provided the additional benefit of not knowing if no one showed up to visit.
However, Nadia wasn’t a coward, and she wasn’t going to let the situation turn her into one. So at three o’clock sharp, her pulse pattering and her palms sweaty, she marched herself to the visitors’ lobby.
Too restless—and nervous—to sit, Nadia paced. She would have loved something alcoholic to soothe her nerves, but apparently retreats were the one place where the legal drinking age was enforced for Executives, and the oh-so-helpful servers who wandered the room brought her fruit punch so sweet it made her teeth ache. She carried it around with her anyway, taking an occasional sip just because it gave her something to occupy her attention.
The good news was that Nadia didn’t have long to wait before the suspense was ended. When the first group of visitors was escorted into the lobby, she immediately spotted Gerri among them. She quickly scanned the rest of the group, but there was no sign of her mother or her father. She tried not to think too much about the bizarre mix of relief and hurt that churned inside her. Her hand was shaking just a little, so she put down the drink she didn’t want anyway and tried to walk calmly across the room to meet Gerri halfway.
The “calmly walking” thing lasted about two steps, and then Nadia’s feet developed a will of their own and propelled her across the remaining distance at a pace just short of a run. With a choked-off sob, she flung herself into her sister’s arms, so glad to see her she felt she might explode with it. Gerri hugged her back fiercely, showing no sign that she was annoyed by the undignified display.
“Glad to see you, too, kiddo,” Gerri said, and it sounded like she was fighting tears as hard as Nadia was.
Nadia sucked in air, trying to loosen the aching knot in her throat. Hurtling across the room and throwing herself into Gerri’s arms was undignified enough. She was not going to let herself cry. Public emotional displays were frowned upon in Executive society and also tended to attract unwanted attention from the press. There was no press here to take embarrassing photos, but Nadia was sure gossip could and would make its way out into the world if she made anything like a scene.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from Gerri’s arms, though somehow their hands became linked in the process. Nadia searched her sister’s face, looking for signs of disapproval, or anger, or disappointment. Gerri was every bit as good as their mother at conveying her unflattering assessment with nothing more than a facial expression, but the look she was giving Nadia now seemed suspiciously like pity. Which made Nadia’s battle against tears just that much harder.
“Let’s find a quiet corner to talk, shall we?” Gerri asked with a forced smile.
Nadia, uncertain of her voice, merely nodded and led Gerri to a cozy love seat in a secluded corner. She could read the tension in every nuance of Gerri’s body language, and she realized her sister was bracing herself to tell Nadia the terrible news about Nate’s new engagement. Acting uncommonly impulsive, she decided to save Gerri the trouble.
“I know about Agnes Belinski,” she whispered, and saw Gerri’s eyes widen in shock.
“How could you possibly…?”