‘Come back with your shield or on it,’ smiled Peter Moore.
‘And whatever he says, don’t deck him. Peter and I would like to get our PhDs,’ added Sandra.
‘And then you can deck him,’ added Peter.
Steven Malloy walked down one flight of stairs and along the corridor to the staff common room. In the lull between morning coffee and lunch time it was empty. There was some coffee left in the Cona flask so he felt the outside; it was cold. He put some coins in the vending machine and selected black, extra strength.
Taking the plastic cup in both hands, he walked over to the window and put the cup down on the ledge while he unwrapped the aspirins from their foil and palmed them into his mouth. He washed them down with the coffee, wincing a little as he almost burned his throat. Two more gulps and he threw the cup in the bin and started out for the director’s office.
The director’s secretary, Hyacinth Chisholm, immaculate as ever in a mauve two-piece suit and smelling of expensive perfume looked him up and down as he entered. She saw a man of medium height, in his mid thirties, dressed in a black polo neck sweater and black corduroy trousers. His glasses sat at an angle thanks to one ear being slightly higher than the other and his nose was crooked. He had a mass of black curly hair that belied his years. She thought he looked like a mop standing the wrong way up.
‘Good Morning Dr Malloy,’ she said, affecting a look at her wrist watch to check that it still was morning.
‘Morning Hyacinth. He wanted to see me.’
‘I’ll see if the professor’s free.’
‘Hyacinth pressed a button on her intercom and said with affected formality, ‘Dr Malloy is here, Professor.’
There was a pause during which Hyacinth remained glued to her intercom as if frozen in a moment in time. It was as if she were about to have some momentous truth revealed to her. When it came, it was, ‘Ask him to come in, would you.’
‘Ah, Steven, I thought it was about time we had a chat. I was looking for you earlier. You weren’t in.’
‘I had rather a lot to drink last night after hearing the trial results. I had a bit of a lie in this morning.’
Professor Paul Hutton, director of the Institute of Molecular Sciences, winced at Malloy’s explanation. He said, ‘It must have been a bitter disappointment to you and your team.’
‘We’ve been working a hundred hours a week on that project for the last eighteen months and we really thought we had it this time, it was going to be the first effective vaccine against AIDS and suddenly it all turns to dust when the animal trial results come out. No protection at all. Absolutely zilch. It was all for nothing and I’ve no idea why.’
‘Perhaps if you had consulted more with your colleagues during the development period, aired your difficulties more, interacted with your colleagues, things might have turned out differently. Group meetings, seminars, that sort of thing are so useful in dealing with problems.’
‘Sure. It would have taken us thirty six months instead of eighteen to get nowhere,’ replied Malloy.
‘Interaction is an essential part of scientific life,’ snapped Hutton.
‘Some people interact so much they do fuck-all else,’ said Malloy. ‘They just spend their days “interacting”.’
Hutton lost his cool. He leaned forward in his seat. ‘Let me tell you, Doctor, I am getting very tired of the attitude of you and your research group in this establishment. Your lack of respect for rules and regulations. You continually fail to deal with paperwork; you don’t make reports when requested. We practically never see any of you at seminars and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you attend a staff meeting at all.’
‘If I did all that there wouldn’t be any time left for research.’
‘Other groups seem to manage and still carry out research programmes.’ Dr Pearson … ‘
‘Dots other people’s ‘T’s and crosses other people’s ‘I’s. I don’t call that research.’
‘His work is well respected … ’
‘Among other scientists who do exactly the same thing. Find a rut and sit in it, make like-minded friends and scratch each other’s backs. You review my grant application favourably and I’ll do the same for you. Yugh!’
‘This is outrageous! I don’t know why I don’t just …’
‘Three papers in Nature last year and grants totalling?300,000 of which the institute skims forty percent off the top as “overheads” before we even start. That’s why you just don’t …’ exclaimed Malloy equally angrily.
Hutton looked away to the side, deliberately taking time to compose himself. He seemed to be biting his tongue. When he finally looked back at Malloy he said in controlled fashion, ‘I appreciate you have been under a lot of strain recently, Steven. Ali’s suicide must have been a great shock and now the trial results on your vaccine suggesting it might be less effective than we’d hoped …’
‘The word you’re searching for is, useless.’
‘Be that as it may, we sometimes have to accept set-backs. Learn from our mistakes. Pick ourselves up.’
Malloy had to consciously stop himself turning the interview into a musical. “And start all over again”. He kept quiet.
‘I suggest we forget our little altercation, put our differences behind us and start afresh. I would be the last one to insist on robotic behaviour among the staff but we must have some standards or we’d have anarchy.’
‘I appreciate that,’ said Malloy quietly.
‘Good. Perhaps you could take a look at some of your paperwork backload, especially the staff appraisals. They’re long overdue.’
‘They used to say that life was what happened to you while you were planning for the future, now it’s what happens to you while you’re filling in forms.’
I can sympathise to a certain extent but the institute insists that every member of staff be interviewed by his immediate superior at least once a year and an accurate record kept of performance to date, achievements, plans for the future etc. It’s modern practice.’
‘Modern doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good,’ grumbled Malloy. ‘What happens to these appraisals anyway. Where do you send them?’
Hutton moved in his chair. ‘Actually, we don’t.’
‘You don’t send them anywhere?’
‘They remain here on file.’
‘You file them?’
‘It’s useful to have accurate progress records of everyone on the staff.’
Malloy wanted to scream out, But is it necessary?’ but he didn’t. In the interests of harmony, even pretend harmony, he kept his mouth shut.
‘I’d also like you to have a word with that technician of yours, Ferguson. He’s not been attending mandatory safety courses on the handling of infectious material.’
‘George Ferguson has been handling infectious material for thirty years,’ pointed out Malloy. ‘He was handling typhoid and tuberculosis in an open lab while I was still playing with my train set.’
‘That’s beside the point.’
Malloy bit his tongue again but Hutton caught the look on his face. ‘The rules don’t differentiate. All technical staff are required to attend refresher courses. Frankly I don’t understand why you took him on in the first place. he’s a constant thorn in the side of the admin staff.’
‘I took him on because he’s been moved around from pillar to post ever since his hospital closed; I needed a good technician. The trust turned down the technical post on the grant application I put in but funded the rest of it. It was like giving me a car but saying I could only have three wheels on it.’
‘I’m sure they had their reasons.’
‘It’s just that they’re not obvious to anyone but themselves. Anyway, George has had a lot of experience. He may not be the most diplomatic of people but I don’t need a diplomat. I need someone who can handle viruses.’
Let’s agree to disagree on the merits of Mr Ferguson,’ said Hutton. ‘What I really wanted to talk to you about this morning was the use of fragments of the smallpox virus. You use them I understand.’
‘Sure, we’ve been trying to understand some of the tricks that virus performs to get round the human immune system. It’s a pretty fascinating bug.’