Elsa’s nerves prickled and her heart swelled. He was answering question number three.
“I’d been alone for a day. Days?” his voice hardened as he questioned his own memory. “I don’t fucking know. I just know she wasn’t there and then she was, puking next to me, barking orders and screaming in my face.” He huffed in disgust before continuing. “Who the fuck leaves a child alone like that? Without food?” his tone turned icy and his body jerked. “Jesus Christ…” he mumbled. “I didn’t know at the time what was going on, but I learned. Later. When it became part of my regular Goddamn routine. She would disappear for a day or more, going on some drinking binge, then show up and expect me to fucking take care of her worthless, drunken ass. I was just a kid. What the hell did I know about caring for an adult? I couldn’t even wipe my own motherfuckin’ ass!” he blared, startling her when he jumped off the lounger and began pacing the floor again.
“This is complete bullshit. Why would you want to know these kinds of details? What’s the fucking point, Elsa?” his voice rose another octave. “My life sucked ass. My mother was a drunk my entire life. She abused me physically half the time and neglected me the other half. But you already knew that, didn’t you, you nosy little bitch?”
His acidic tone made her cringe and shrink away. She tried to make herself as small as possible as her mind reeled with his revelation.
“What else do you know about me?” he snapped as he moved closer to her.
She felt his hands on her shoulders, shaking her the way Nate had the night of her engagement party, only more violently. She shook her head and tried to speak, but only a puddle of spit dripped out of her mouth.
“That’s my first memory. Glorious, isn’t it? The smell of vomit, brandy and dirty pussy. My mother’s signature scent,” bitterness colored his words.
Just as he released her and stood again, she heard the crash of something on the floor as his voice broke with emotion. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
Her mind whirled with conflicting thoughts. This had all been a bad idea. It was selfish of her to make him relive the past like this. And for what? Just so she could repay him for the cruelty he had put her through and the scars on her back? Even though it seemed fair, it felt wrong, yet, somehow, right. He needed this just as much as she did. She didn’t know why other than to say it was cathartic, even if it was painful.
When her thoughts cleared, she was left in silence. Victor was gone. Upstairs? She listened and could only hear the sound of her own rapidly beating pulse. It felt like an hour passed and she began to shiver from the chill that had settled on her body. The drool seemed never ending and her bladder began to contract, only intensifying her discomfort. When she began to moan from soreness and thrash around to try and reposition her legs, she felt Victor’s warm hands on her. His movements had been stealthy and she hadn’t even heard him approach her.
Where had he been? Close by? Watching her in the surveillance room?
He unhooked her restraints only briefly to seat her on the chaise. When she began to squirm uncontrollably from the urge to pee, his deft fingers loosened her blindfold and pulled it just above her eyes, causing her to squint from the light.
“What’s wrong?” he casually asked as he watched her wriggle around.
She rocked her bottom on the lounger and tried to form the word pee.
“You have to use the bathroom?”
She nodded vigorously.
“Then go,” he glowered.
Please, not this again, she silently begged him with her eyes. She couldn’t be made to humiliate herself in that way again. Once more, she mumbled around the gag, please.
He sighed and his cold stare quickly thawed. She had hoped he would unshackle her, but instead he scooped her up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to the master bathroom where he gently sat her down onto the toilet. It was awkward and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. It was better than having to urinate all over the chaise, but not much considering he was sitting only inches away from her.
“What are you waiting for?”
The sincerity in his eyes was strange. Did he really not think her peeing in front of him was odd? Of course not. He had made her do it before.
Unable to hold out any longer she let her bladder relax and did her business, immediately letting out a sigh of relief. As the continuous stream of urine flowed out of her, Victor unhooked her ankle restraints. Next, he reached for a small hand towel on the rack, dampened it in the sink and began cleaning her chin and chest. His tender caresses seemed out of place, but she welcomed them. On the occasion that their eyes would meet, Victor was staring back at her, wordlessly seeking her approval of his treatment of her.
She approved.
***
Elsa’s eyes shimmered with confusion as Victor pushed her legs apart and cleaned her when she finished relieving her bladder. He hadn’t cared for a woman this way since his mother. Not that there was any comparison… Lifting her back into his arms, he carried her to the bed where he finally removed all the restraints and ball-gag. Once it was removed, he expected an earful and more questions, but was pleasantly surprised when she lay compliantly in his bed, allowing him to care for her and massage each of her chaffed and tender body parts. If only she could be this obedient at all times.
Then again, it would make the game less interesting.
After his shitty meeting with Anthony and wanting some release, he had decided to take her before delving into her questions. She had satiated his needs, like she always did; but really, he was only putting off the inevitable. He had picked the least revealing of the questions to be the first to answer even though it had still made him face a past he had long ago buried. Just thinking about it again set his nerves on edge, but seeing the serene look on Elsa’s face made him put it aside. The worst of it was over. For now. The rest of her Goddamn questions would be answered later; after she faced the consequences of changing the rules of the game.
Right now he would allow her to rest, while he mentally recovered.
After tucking her in and watching her drift into a deep sleep, he retrieved his work files and buried his nose in them for nearly three hours. He called the Virginia Pen and requested all communication with Anthony be faxed to him and all internet records. He would find the connection to the killer. It was just a matter of time.
Thoroughly physically and mentally exhausted, he slipped into bed next to Elsa with his journal in hand.
Compliant. Beautiful. Demanding. Stubborn.
He glanced at her and pushed the hair from her face.
You embody all things I loathe and love in a woman. I use the word love metaphorically speaking, of course, as that expression in any other form doesn’t exist in my vocabulary. You satiated my needs tonight by obediently accepting my terms. You really are a good girl. A woman better than I deserve, that’s for damned sure, and one far better than Nathan deserves, that’s for fucking sure.
Were you thinking about him tonight when I spoke of my miserable past? I doubt it. All of your attention was on me. My words. My voice. My movements. I wanted to see your eyes trained on me, but couldn’t bear the thought of seeing pity in them. I wanted to hear your sweet voice, but couldn’t risk you calling out my name and breaking my concentration. I even wanted your hands on me, comforting me while I spoke of things that should never be repeated, but didn’t want my judgment clouded.
Am I weak for feeling this way? Perhaps. But Mr. Black has always strengthened me in the areas that I lack in and given me a backbone when I would’ve normally withered away. He is my other half. You’ve made me see that. Although I’m still struggling to come to terms with it, each day becomes easier to accept it. For years now I have given myself over to him and now you ask that I get him under control as if that’s such an easy thing to do.