She sunk her teeth into her bottom lip as she reached up to the pluck open the top button of her blouse and then the next. Yes, it was worth it. The truth was always worth the repercussions.
28: Surreal
Elsa peeked out her office window to see Victor’s car parked just below it. He had left abruptly after her meeting with Anthony and had been gone for two days. It had been just enough time to get the supplies she needed for the next phase of her plan.
Happy to see him after his short absence, she went to him and climbed into his vehicle.
“You haven’t stalked me in a long time.”
“I’m not stalking you;” he rolled his eyes. “I was just about to come in.”
Her heart clenched at his dismissal.
“You seem disappointed,” he barely suppressed a chuckle.
Her cheeks flushed slightly. “Maybe a little.”
Starting his car, he pulled out of his parking spot. “I want to take you somewhere.”
“I have a meeting in an hour,” she said with a glance at her watch.
A faint smile touched his lips. “It’s a good thing you’re the boss and you can do whatever you want.” She tried to interject the seriousness of her need to be there, but he waved his hand in her direction. “Don’t worry. I’ll have you back in time.”
The quietness in the car gave way to awkwardness. Something was on his mind, but she knew better than to push. He glanced in her direction several times, but remained wordless.
“Victor…” she spoke up.
“Don’t say anything. We’re almost there.”
The twenty minute drive had her feeling anxious. Guilt was slowly gnawing away at her for having lied to him about where she had been and the fact that she had spoken to Anthony. But it couldn’t be helped. When the truth came out, one way or another, they would both have all the answers they needed to move forward.
When they arrived at a secluded area overlooking Richmond, confusion settled over her. Holding onto his hand, he led her to a spot several hundred feet from the road. The cold wind blasted against them, but the sun was shining brightly. She took in her surroundings. Virginia really was beautiful, and despite her bad memories of what Victor had put her through, it had come to be her home.
“When I was much younger, I used to come here to gather my thoughts.” Victor pulled her close for warmth as he gazed out pensively at the winter landscape. “I made the mistake of bringing her here…” he gritted his teeth. By her, Elsa assumed he was referring to Scarlet. “It ruined this place for me. I haven’t been back since. But things are different now and I’m trying to let all that go.”
A flicker of hope tingled at the base of her spine. “It’s so amazing; so peaceful. I’m glad you’ve come back.” She gulped in a quick breath of icy air to suppress the urge to cry. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
She clutched him tightly and rested her head on his chest. Staring up at him, she smiled and waggled her eyebrows to try and lighten the mood. "Did you meet any good looking men while you were out of town?"
"Oh, Jesus. This again?” he huffed in disbelief. “We've already been through that. We're not doing that again."
Disappointment pinched her heart. "But it will be different next time," she clutched the lapels of jacket.
He let out a quick burst of ironic laughter. "Next time? After the way you reacted?”
"Now I know you're mine. I mean, you are mine, right?"
"I was yours then, too."
An upsurge of passion warmed her against the frigid breeze. "But I didn't know that. I thought it was Mr. Black playing games..."
He pressed his fingers to her lips. "Don't say that name. He’s gone."
She gave him a weak smile at his effort, though she knew Mr. Black would never really be gone. "I know where all those wicked ideas come from. Like the way you fucked me last week. My ass was sore for days after that…” his eyes sparkled and a smile tipped the corners of his mouth. “No, he's not gone. You've just got him under control."
His smile dissipated. "I’m struggling with that."
"I know you are."
Her hand slid down his chest and found the bulge in his pants.
"Did you miss that?" he nipped at her bottom lip.
"I missed everything about you."
***
Everything about where Victor was at in his life, physically and emotionally, felt surreal; like he was living someone else’s existence in a dreamlike state. He wanted it to be real but his self-loathing was ever present. And Elsa... Christ, she was so beautiful. The way she was staring up at him all hopeful made it feel like the air in his lungs had crystallized and he couldn’t breathe.
He didn’t want to hurt her but Mr. Black had been pushed aside for far too long.
When he had gotten the call to head out of state, he was thankful for it. It gave him time to try and sort things out in his head as to what he really expected out of his relationship with Elsa. He had ripped into her viciously the week previously when she had tried to console him and he was still feeling shitty about it. But that’s who he was and he knew it was inevitable that things would have to end between them. There was no other way. He was kidding himself by thinking that they could have a future together. Deep down, he knew Elsa knew that, too. No matter what his heart wanted, his head knew he was wrong for her. He would never change. Not really. Not in ways that would really make a difference. And not when he was the product of two sociopathic parents.
He kissed the top of her head and gazed out at Richmond once more, holding onto to her like it was their last time. He would end things between them to save her sanity; even if it meant sacrificing his own. Just not today. He couldn’t bear to do it when she looked so happy.
***
Victor had collapsed into a tired, wet heap onto his bed immediately after his shower. Something was definitely on his mind but Elsa couldn’t put her finger on it. Their visit to the lookout earlier that day was unprompted and although she would forever cherish his sharing that with her, it made her feel like something on the horizon was brewing. To make matters worse, he had been quiet all during dinner. It was the introspective kind of quiet that made her feel uncomfortable.
As she watched him sleep, she touched his scar and kissed the corner of his mouth. They had been through so much and she desperately wanted things to work out between them. She wanted so much for him to be content and happy in his own skin. She wanted to give him peace of mind and comfort.
If only he would allow it.
She glanced at the night stand when something out of place caught her eye. The music box she had cherished as a child and had given Victor on their last day together, was sitting on it. He had kept it after all this time. She touched it and glanced at him, wondering when and why he had dug it out. What he was trying to tell her by leaving it there for her to see?
While Victor slept, she knew it was time to put her plan into action. After her visit to Anthony, she had bought several items at a drug store in hopes of accomplishing her goal. When she reached for the bag that was stashed beneath his bed, an expected sob caught in her throat. Was she wrong to be considering doing this? She knew the answer was a resounding yes but she was helpless to stop herself. She needed answers. She deserved answers.
29: Fate Intervened
Victor was livid. Fate had intervened once again and true colors were shown. Elsa could not be trusted. As he sat staring at Anthony’s visitor’s list from the previous week, he tried to recall what he was doing on the day she had stared him in the eyes and blatantly lied to him. She had not only put her life in danger by seeking out Anthony, but she had given that piece of shit the upper hand. Anger clouded his brain and everything around him became a fuzzy blur. Even the voices around him blended into the background noise.