There would be no more suppressing Mr. Black.
As he drove to her office, he promptly dialed the number of the prison and requested that a transcript of her and Anthony’s discussion be faxed to him. There was no point in asking Elsa what was said between them since she clearly didn’t know how to tell the truth.
When he stormed into her office, she first gave him a questioning look but then smiled. The sheer sincerity of her joy halted him in his tracks. Goddamn that smile. Why the fuck was she happy anyway? For having manipulated him into believing that she could be trusted?
“Care to tell me where you were last Wednesday?” he growled.
Elsa’s joy gave way to alarm as her face paled under the overhead lights. “I can explain…”
“By all means, Ms. Cassidy, try and explain how putting yourself in danger made any kind sense.”
“But I wasn’t in danger. He didn’t know who I was…” her words came out in a rush to defend her actions, but her words were only infuriated him further. “I had to know for myself… I had to meet him… To prove to myself that…” her eyes searched the room and her body began to shake when she couldn’t find the words.
“What, Elsa? To prove to yourself that the man you’re in love with really is the son of a serial killer?”
Her blanched cheeks brightened and her eyes flashed rebellion. “I’m not in love.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that because you and I both know that is going to end badly again, don’t we?”
Elsa shook her head and hugged her body. “No, I don’t know that and neither do you. You’re only speaking out of anger. You don’t really mean that,” she stammered.
“You think you know so Goddamn much about me, don’t you?” his temper reached a flashpoint. “Did you know that it’s pointless to keep a side of my personality under control when it doesn’t want to be controlled? That it’s meaningless to try and change someone when they can’t be changed?” The words barreling out of his mouth sounded foreign in his ears. Just like all the other times when he let Mr. Black take over. He felt himself float up and hover above them as if watching a dramatic scene from a movie.
“It’s not meaningless…” she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. “I know you can’t see that right now because you’re angry with me, but you need to trust me on this. You need help, Victor. Counseling or therapy…”
He laughed acidly at her statement. “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re ignorant. No amount of therapy is ever going to change what happened to me! It’s never going to change who I am!”
Before he could stop himself he lunged toward her, every step bringing him closer to madness. Ready to exact his revenge on her for having made him feel again, he raised his hand to wipe the look of sympathy off her beautiful face. When he did, Elsa quickly put her hands up to protect herself. The stark fear in her eyes and her defensive gesture reminded him of all the times his mother had tried to crush his spirit. It was then that his actions struck him full force.
He didn’t want to be this man. He didn’t want to crush Elsa’s spirit or destroy her light. And he didn’t want to hurt her.
Before Mr. Black had the chance to rise up again, he turned and walked out the door, and prayed that Elsa wouldn’t chase after him.
30: Destiny Revealed
Victor had lied to himself when he said he didn’t want Elsa to chase after him. But he had gotten what he wished for. It had been nearly a week since their show down in her office, and he hadn’t heard a peep from her. Not a phone call. Not a text. Nothing. Her clothes and belongings were still at his house and everything in 2500 East Grace Street smelled of her, making it impossible for him to get anything done except mope around like a heartsick asshole.
He hadn’t called her either. He hadn’t even stalked her which was a feat on his part. Instead, he had sent officers of the Richmond Police Department to check in on her. It was for the best that he stay away from her, even if his heart was pissed off at him for having ended things the way he did.
The music box she had given him was still sitting on his night stand. She had hoped it would bring him peace, but all it was doing was serving as a reminder of how he had screwed things up with her. Christ, it had only been five motherfucking days. What the hell was he supposed to do with the rest of his life without her? As he lay in bed trying to figure out what he would do next seeing as seeking out other chapters was no longer an option, he reached over and opened it. A silly tune played and he envisioned a young Elsa listening to it as she lay in her own bed. It brought a smile to his face; the first one since things had ended between them.
He picked up his phone and dialed her number, but quickly hung up when she answered. It was juvenile but he needed to hear her voice. His life was a Goddamn mess and so was he.
Why the fuck did she have to go and seek out Anthony? What was the damned point? And what was her sick fascination in knowing every single fucked up detail about his life?
Disgusted with the entire Chapter Eight Saga, he grunted and punched at his pillow. He was just as confused and indecisive as she was. He had planned on ending things anyway, for fuck’s sake.
It was early in the evening. Far too early to be lying in bed when there were things that needed to be done. Like changing the Goddamn bed linens so that he could get Elsa’s scent out of his fucking bedroom. Maybe then he could sleep without dreaming of her for a change.
He lay around another twenty minutes before forcing himself to start pulling the bed sheets off the bed. Just as he tossed everything into the washing machine, he heard the front door unlatch. When Elsa’s scent drifted in along with a cold gust of air, he sighed miserably.
Why couldn’t she just leave him alone?
When he came out into the living room she was waiting by the fireplace, warming her hands.
She stared into the fire when she spoke. "I need you to make Mr. Black take a backseat for this conversation. I need you to promise that you'll keep him reined in."
"Mr. Black isn’t here,” he responded tetchily. “Anyway, I can't promise you anything until you tell me why you’re here."
Elsa glared at him. “I didn’t intend on coming back, but you called…”
“I wish I hadn’t,” he crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a cold stare.
“Well you did and I’m here. You look ridiculous standing there pretending like you don’t give a shit about me, so do me a favor and lose the pretense. It’s unattractive and makes you look older than you are.”
Victor couldn’t do anything to control the rapid influx of emotions her words were stirring within him. He also couldn’t control the chemical reaction his body was having to her smart-ass mouth. He wanted to punish and fuck her relentlessly for her inability to hold her tongue, shut the hell up and accept her fate, though he knew doing so had never been her strong points.
"I mean it, Victor. Promise me you’ll keep Mr. Black out of this."
Resigned to the fact that she wasn’t leaving until she had aired her feelings, he threw himself onto the couch. "Why? Is this discussion going to piss me off?”
“Probably, but it’s important. Please…”
Puzzled by her insistence, he shot her a look of upset but gave into her request. “Ok. I promise. Now dispense with the drama and get it over with."
***
Elsa paused to reconsider what she was about to do before reaching into her coat pocket and handing over the folded envelope she had brought along with her. She had received the letter in the mail days before and the results were just as she had suspected. But after the way Victor had nearly attacked her and then simply walked out on her, she was too hurt to seek him out to relay the message. He hadn’t even called or checked up on her, and she had decided that it was best to just let things end, no matter how much she wanted to be with him.