“But … we’re going back for Starshine first. And to wait for Gavin, right?”
He gives me a look. “No. We’re continuing on, because I have no idea where that city was or how long it’ll take to get back there. We’re working on limited time as it is.”
I stop walking. “We have to go back. We can go back in through the tunnels. We found our way out here, we can find our way back there.”
He turns around and frowns at me. “No. We’re not. We’re lucky we made it out of there alive the first time. And who knows what the hell we breathed in all that time we were stuck in there. It was an accident that you managed to run in the right direction and we didn’t run into … anything that might be in there. If I’d known what that place was, we never would have stepped foot in there.”
“Well, then we’ll just need to take…” Then I hear what he said last. “Wait. What? What was that place?” A chill crawls over my skin.
“Nothing we need to worry about now. We’re out and we’re not going back in.” Asher turns to walk away, but I rush in front of him and stop, so he has no choice to do the same or run into me.
“You will tell me.” I cross my arms over my chest and lift my chin.
“You really are a princess, aren’t you?” He sighs. “It’s an old bioengineering outpost. The military used them in the War to design bioweapons and supersoldiers. That bed you saw? They strapped willing—and unwilling—participants to it and conducted experiments on them. Painful, appalling experiments. The straps kept them from escaping during the process.”
The blood drains from my head, but I stand my ground, despite the fact that it doesn’t feel as solid as it did a minute ago. “That’s horrible, but that place has obviously been abandoned for years, probably decades. And we can’t just leave Starshine and Gavin behind.” There’s a tickle in the back of my throat again.
“We can. And we will.” He touches the back of his hand to my cheek. “I’m sorry, Evie. I don’t want to leave them behind either, but we’re not going back into that place. There are probably spores from their bio experiments just waiting for some idiot to come across them. Like I said, we’re lucky we even made it out in the first place.”
“So we’re just going to leave Starshine out here. To die.” My blood boils and I clench my fingers into a fist, holding them tightly to my body. “And what about Gavin? He’ll be looking for us in that city.”
“Gavin can find his own way. And we’re only going to leave Starshine for now. I’ll send someone back for her when we get to Rushlake. It’ll only be a day, two at the most. She’ll be fine.”
There’s a pressure in my chest and it hurts to breathe. “Is that all you ever do?” I whisper, half because I’m so mad I can’t speak and half because even that is excruciating to my lungs.
Asher drops his hand. His whole face goes blank. “What?”
“Whenever something becomes too difficult to handle, you quit? Whenever someone becomes an issue, you abandon them?” He steps toward me, but I step away from him. “Don’t touch me,” I rasp.
His mouth firms into a tight line and anger flares into his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything, so I continue, “Is that what you’re going to do to me when I get to be too difficult? Are you going to leave me behind? Just like you did to Gavin? What you’re trying to do to Starshine? Admit it, you’re thinking of leaving me now, aren’t you?”
Spots flash into my eyes and my head is tingling, like it did just before that last hallucination. I know I have to be careful or I’ll have another one.
Despite that, I can see the muscle in Asher’s jaw flutter and his hands curl tight into fists when he says, “Of course not! I wouldn’t ever ditch you. I’m doing all of this for you!”
“You willingly left Gavin to die and now you’re doing the same to Starshine. What makes me different?” I demand. He doesn’t say anything, so I push my face into his as darkness leaks into the sides of my vision. Despite my efforts not to, I have to grab ahold of his arms to stop myself from falling. “Tell me!”
“You just are. I’m not going to ditch you, ever. Okay?” He shoves a hand through his hair. “But God, Evie, look at you!” He takes me by my shoulders and gives me a little shake. “You’re standing here arguing with me and you can’t even stand up straight, you’re so exhausted. You had not one, but two hallucinations. One that almost got you killed, the other that could have. I don’t even know if you’re going to make it to Rushlake as it is, let alone if we take the time to go back who knows how far. I’m not going to watch you die in front of me. I won’t go through that again. We’re not going back.” He grabs my arm and starts dragging me in the direction he wants me to go.
I wrench my arm from his and sneer at him. “I’d rather die fighting, than live as a coward.”
He stops and turns. His breathing is just as hard as mine, and I’m sure my eyes are filled with the same conflicting swirls of wild fear and anger. His nostrils flare and he narrows his eyes at me. “I doubt Gavin would agree.” His voice is soft and unwavering even if he is staring daggers at me. “Do you really want him to go all the way to Rushlake only to find that you’re not there? And the reason you’re not there is because you’re too damned stubborn to walk there?” He shouts the last part, startling me.
Regretfully, I have to admit he could be right. Gavin’s far from stupid. And I don’t want to give him any more cause for worry. With a sigh, I say, “Let’s go.”
He spins on his heel, and starts forward again. I rush to catch up to him and he walks next to me, but doesn’t touch me. We don’t even talk. I don’t question him again about what direction to go, I just take his word for it. I have to. I have no sense of direction, and no reference for where we are.
We walk for hours and it doesn’t take long for my body to protest every movement I make. I just want to sit back onto the ground, curl up into a ball, and sleep. That, of course, makes me miss Starshine even more as I probably could have slept the entire trip if she were here. But I keep the thought to myself, not wanting to start another fight.
We pass a few trees along our route, but it’s mostly just desolate desert for as far as the eye can see. And between the sand and scorching sun, I’m so thirsty that if I were still near that acid lake, I’d be tempted to drink some of it.
The worst part is Asher has not said one word to me that wasn’t an answer to something I asked, or to warn me about something. I’m a little taken aback by how I’ve already come to rely on his all-the-time-positive attitude.
As the sun burns high in the sky, I see what looks like a lake ahead. It’s blurry, but shimmering in the sunlight. I grab Asher’s arm. “Asher! Water!” My throat is hoarse and hurts to talk.
He doesn’t even look, he only shakes his head. “No, it’s a mirage.”
“No, it’s water. I’m sure of it.” I try pulling him, to move him faster, but he only keeps moving at his steady pace.
“No use chasing after it,” he says, huffing a little himself with each step. “It’s not real. You’ll only make yourself more thirsty.”
I ignore him, though. It’s water; I know it. It’s not just some delusion I’ve concocted in my head. Not this time. So I let go of him and race ahead. But no matter how fast I move, how hard I push my muscles, and how much my lungs beg me to stop, the water stays exactly the same distance away. I can’t get to it.
Unable to keep my pace up, I slow to the point that Asher catches up to me. “It’s okay,” he says. “It’s happened to almost every one.”
I nod, feeling stupid on top of being hot, sweaty, thirsty, sore, and tired. My chest hurts again and my breath is racing as fast as my heart, reminding me that I need to stop being stupid and start listening to what Asher says.