My mind flits over to Gavin and my heart squeezes. I miss that stupid little smile he gets when he looks at me and doesn’t think I’m looking. I miss the way just the touch of him makes my heart swell, and how he looks at me like I’m the only one in the world. Or at least the only one that matters. I miss how he paces every time he’s frustrated, or trying to figure something out, or nervous. I even miss that he doesn’t tell me everything. Even as frustrating as that can be.
“They did some tests. While you were out. The test results came back,” Asher says, yanking me from my thoughts.
“Hmm?” I turn to face him. I’m numb now. I can’t seem to find the energy to care about the results, but for Asher’s sake, I try to force enthusiasm. “Oh. That’s great. Any news?”
“Nothing we don’t know already.”
I nod and turn my face back up to the stars. That didn’t seem all that bad, but Asher still acts like something is bothering him.
“The doctor wants to draw more blood tomorrow. Talk with you, too. If you’re up to it.”
I sigh, but nod. That’s not entirely unexpected, either. And again, I don’t really care. “Of course. Whatever he thinks is necessary.”
“Evie? Look at me.” His voice is still low, but there’s something in his tone that has fear pushing past the numbness.
I turn to face him, furrowing my brow.
“They want to study your nanos. They think that … that they might have something to do with you being sick.”
“My … nanos?” Nanos were what destroyed that town. What turned living, breathing people into rock and stone. My hand shakes and I frown even more as terror makes my heart kick in my chest. “I have nanos in me? How do you know?”
“Gavin told me,” he says without meeting my eyes. “I—I thought you knew that.”
Another of Gavin’s omissions. For a minute, anger chases the terror away. So, even though there’s bad blood between Asher and Gavin, Gavin still told Asher things about me. Maybe even everything about me. Asher was good enough to trust with my secrets, but not me.
When Gavin gets here, I’m so going to tell him exactly what I think about that, and then I’m going to demand he tell me absolutely everything. And if he thinks he can talk himself out of this one, he’s got another think coming.
But then I remember Gavin isn’t here. Isn’t coming. Ever. And that numbness returns, replacing the anger. Concealing the fear. And then I can only nod.
I knead my skirt in my hands, pulling and tugging softly at the fabric. “I see. So are they like the ones that killed those people? Am I going to turn into stone like they did?”
Something like sadness flashes before his eyes and he stretches out his hand. Probably to take my hand, but I slide it out of reach.
He rakes it through his hair instead and tugs on the ends. “Yes. And no. It’s not the same kind, I guess. More … complex or something. They don’t really know, but they want to find out.”
“So … I won’t turn to stone?”
He shakes his head. “They don’t think so. From what Gavin said, you’ve had them a long time and they were meant to help … not hurt. They just want to do more testing to see if they’re malfunctioning.”
I’m grateful for the numbness I feel. Being numb is so much better than being afraid. Better than feeling your heart break into tiny pieces. Better than any of the emotions I could—probably should—be feeling right now.
“Of course. Whatever they think is necessary.”
My voice is flat as I say it and I know Asher’s worried, but he only sighs.
“You don’t have to worry.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it before I can pull away again. “I’ll be there for you. I won’t leave you by yourself. I promise.”
For a minute, a spark of anger ignites in me again. I remember Gavin saying that in the village right before the trip. And, softly, in the back of my head like an echo of a memory, I hear someone else saying it.
I can’t stop myself from saying, “I’ve heard that before.” I turn away from him as self-pity pricks at my heart. “But it’s a lie. It’s always a lie.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The answer to our problem has fallen in our laps, gentlemen. One of my son’s friends has made a marvelous find. A young girl, the heir to a throne it would seem, from a city under the ocean. I know what you are thinking, and at first I didn’t believe it either, but I’ve watched this girl and talked with the village doctor. She is most certainly different from any young woman we’ve ever seen. She appears quite ill, although it’s unclear whether it’s emotional or physical, and I think we would find it most beneficial to bring this child under our wing and offer our help in return for hers.
—LETTER FROM MAYOR ST. JAMES TO DR. TREVIN, COURIERED BY ASHER
Evie
Asher says he checks the gate, but I also know he thinks Gavin’s dead, so who knows if he actually does. I’m fairly certain they’re not going to let me go out on my own. I’ve asked twice already, and both times they’ve said no and changed the subject.
I don’t pretend I don’t know why, but I’m going to check for myself. So I plan. And I plot.
I walk slowly to the bedroom. Asher’s grandmother’s eyes bore into me as I do and she slowly puts her knitting to the side.
“Bathroom,” I murmur, not meeting her eyes, but out of the corner of mine, I see her sit back and resume her knitting.
I slip through the crack in the door, then tread to the bathroom, making sure my steps are loud, but not so loud they sound like I’m making them that way. I open and close the door, then sneak back down the hallway. I’m still sore all over, but I grit my teeth and keep going.
At the front door, I edge out, keeping an eye out for Asher, or his grandmother, or the maid, but no one stops me. Still, I don’t take a full breath until I’m blocks away from Asher’s house.
It takes me a while and several stops to rest and ask for directions, but finally I find my way back to the bridge.
Panting, I force myself up the steps and to the guards’ box. They’re not the same ones we’d met when we first arrived, but they look just as disinterested. They don’t even lift an eyebrow when I knock on the window.
“Visa,” the one closest to the door says, his voice flat.
“Um … I actually don’t have one, but—”
He points to a sign on the window.
“No visa, no admittance to the Outlands,” the other one says, repeating what the sign says in a bored voice. He has red hair and skin even more pale than mine. I can’t help but stare at him. He seems so strange-looking, like he has shredded carrots on his head. “Go to City Hall and get one, then come back.”
I force myself to meet his green eyes. “I—I don’t actually want—”
“Go get the visa and come back.”
“I’m not here to leave, I just want to find—”
He leans on the windowsill and interrupts me yet again. “Look, little girl, I don’t really have time for this.” He points to the sign and turns around.
The way he says “little girl” sets my nerves on edge. I narrow my eyes and purse my lips. “My name is Evelyn Winters. I am Daughter of the People of the great city of Elysium. I am a guest of the St. James family. You will not speak to me as if I’m some foolish young child…” I look down my nose at him. “… or an ordinary commoner.”
Where did that come from?
The two guards exchange an anxious look while I try to ignore the questions flying through my mind about my sudden confidence.