But, finally I see I have their attention when they turn back to me. “We apologize, Ms. Winters, we don’t mean any insult to you or the St. Jameses, but we still can’t let you into the—” the dark-haired one says.
This time I break into what they’re saying, and wave them off. “I am here to see if an Outlander has attempted to enter. His name is Gavin Hunter.”
Confusion crosses their faces, but the one with red hair shakes his head. “No one has entered this way since we’ve been here, ma’am.”
Dejection blows throw me and my legs tremble, but I force myself to remain standing. I turn toward the Outlands, squinting into the growing darkness. He’s out there. He has to be. I take one step, then another before one of the guards calls out, “Ma’am! Are you okay?”
I mentally shake myself, my shoulders drooping. “Fine.” I swallow and clear my throat. “I’m fine.” Forcing my shoulders back again, I turn back around and slowly, achingly make my way back to Asher’s.
Hours later, I open Asher’s door, intending to go straight up to my room and back to sleep. But I stop dead in my tracks when I hear raised voices coming from one of the doors to my left.
“How could you just let her sneak out?” Asher yells.
I follow the voices and stand in the open doorway to see Asher glaring at his grandmother, who sits in a large wingback chair. He has his arms crossed over his chest.
“I didn’t know she was going to sneak out, Asher.”
“But you had to have seen her leave her room.”
“Of course I did. She said she needed to use the bathroom.” He makes a sound in his throat and walks to behind his grandmother. “I’m not going to keep the girl prisoner in her room, Asher.” She turns to continue to watch him, then stops when she sees me. She smiles and folds her hands in her lap. “There. See? Everything is fine.”
Asher spins around. His whole face lights up when he sees me. He rushes across the room, tugs me to him, and hugs me so hard, I’m certain my head is going to pop off.
“Where have you been?”
I swallow. “I went to see if anyone at the gate has seen Gavin.” I push away from him and hug myself. “They haven’t.”
The room is silent and heavy with it until Asher sighs. “Come on. Let’s get dinner.” He slings his arm around my shoulders and leads me to the dining room where food has already been set out. I don’t want to eat. I don’t even want to think about eating. Just the thought reminds me that Gavin hasn’t had food.
Several minutes into dinner, I push from the table, interrupting whatever Asher and his grandmother are talking about. I have to get away from here. From them. I need to be anywhere but here.
I make it as far as the door before Asher catches me. He grabs my wrist and tugs gently, stopping me from leaving. “It’s not your fault,” he says quietly. “It’s no one’s fault. He was protecting you.” He frowns at me. “You know that, don’t you?”
I rub my hand under my running nose. “But he wouldn’t have had to protect me if I hadn’t been so weak. If I hadn’t forced him to come here.”
“Weak?” He laughs. “You think you were weak? You totally kicked ass! The way you took care of those vulture-hawks was like something out of a comic book.”
I lift my brows at him. “You make that sound like it’s a good thing, when all it does is make me a … freak.” That was one of Gavin’s little brother’s words. It was a word he liked to use. A lot. I’d made him tell me what it meant and, ever since, I’d known it applied to me.
Anger flashes across Asher’s eyes and he takes my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. “You are not a freak. You hear me? Different doesn’t make you a freak. Different makes you special. And special is good. Special is what makes you you. That’s who Gavin loved. He thought you were amazing and wonderful and … perfect just the way you are.”
He’s saying it to make me feel better, but all it does is make me sigh and try to look away. “My brand of perfect is what killed Gavin.” I sigh and wave away what he opens his mouth to say, “Besides, I wish people would stop saying that. Everyone is always telling me how perfect I am. How beautiful. How lucky I am. To be this amazing, perfect person. How Mother hand-chose me, because I’m perfect. But I’m not. I’m not amazing. Or wonderful. I’m not perfect. I’m damaged,” I whisper.
I’m not sure what I’m saying, where any of this is coming from. I don’t know who told me so. Certainly no one here, but it’s true. And it only proves my point … I’m not perfect.
His face blanches. “What did you say?”
“That I’m damaged?”
“No. About being hand-chosen by Mother. Why did you say that?”
I’m about to answer that I don’t know when I’m suddenly not in the foyer. I’m somewhere else. Somewhere very familiar.
Glass walls and marble floors surround me. Behind the glass is another wall, one of water. I have my hand pressed against it, staring into the endless blue. I’m sad about something, but I can’t remember what. Only that my heart is heavy with it.
There’s a gentle tugging on my hair. It’s soothing. “Evelyn,” a woman says from behind me. “You mustn’t worry what that child said to you. Children have a way of hurting one another by pulling out the one thing that makes you unique. Makes you special. And you are special, Evelyn.”
I turn slightly and she tugs my head back around with my hair and continues brushing it. Instead of trying to see her directly, I focus my gaze to her reflection in the glass instead. “Am I, Mother?” My voice is younger, not quite as strong. It wobbles slightly with the tears I see running down my cheeks.
“Of course, my child. I chose you, didn’t I? That alone makes you special. But I chose you because you were different. Because you were perfect. And a perfect person shouldn’t worry what inferior people say about them.” Her face hardens for a moment and her hand tightens on my hair, making me gasp. Almost immediately she releases me and her eyes meet mine in the glass. “After all,” she smiles, “I never do.”
There’s a knock on the door behind us and a girl not much older than me steps in, dressed entirely in black. Mother and I both turn toward her, but the girl doesn’t focus her dead eyes on either of us. “The situation has been taken care of,” she states in her wispy voice.
For a second, I’m sure she glances at me, but before I can venture a guess why, Mother says, “Excellent.” Then she dismisses the girl and turns back to me, forcing my head back around again while the door closes behind us. “See? Things have a way of working themselves out.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Warning! Unauthorized exit from Rushlake City is prohibited. Violators will incur administrative penalty and criminal charges including, but not limited to, immediate and permanent expulsion from the city and forfeiture of all rights and property.
—SIGN POSTED AT ALL POINTS OF ENTRY OF RUSHLAKE CITY
Evie
The next day, I sit while a doctor does everything Dr. Gillian has already done at least a dozen times before. From the way he’s not saying anything, and the pinch of skin around his eyes, I know he isn’t coming up with any more answers than Dr. Gillian had, either.
He shines a light in my eyes. “You’re completely healthy, Ms. Winters. Apart from a minor infection and some exhaustion. In fact, you’re so healthy, I’m a little jealous. I don’t know what could be causing these blackouts.” He steps back and takes off his glasses to rub his eyes. “I’d like to bring you in for more testing. MRIs and PET scans specifically.”