I’m hoping the water will wake me, but even when I’m completely clean and shivering, I still feel weighted down. The water soaks my bandage and burns the wound, but I can’t make myself get out. I just sit in the corner of the granite stall and bury my face in my hands. I’ve cried myself dry, but that doesn’t stop the sorrow.
Eventually, Gavin comes to check on me. He knocks at first, but I ignore it, hoping he’ll just go away. I should have known better, because when he receives no answer he pushes into the room. Then rushes across the bathroom, practically ripping the curtain from its hooks in his hurry to check on me.
His expression changes from worry to sadness when he sees me curled into the corner. He turns off the water with a flick of a wrist, then bundles me into a fluffy white—and dusty—towel and carries me into the bedroom. Then he starts chafing me with the towel, trying to rub warmth into my freezing body.
Even when I stop shivering, I still feel cold. I wonder if I’ll ever feel warm again.
“How are you feeling?” he asks after several minutes.
I jump. I hadn’t expected him to talk. “I don’t know,” I say. “She was my best friend. And she died because of me.”
“Not you. Never you. Mother. She’s the one who started this.”
“I’m an Enforcer,” I say without any emotion. “A monster.”
“No, Evie. Not a monster,” he says quietly.
“I killed those people. I’ve killed lots of people. All in the name of Mother’s ‘peace.’”
“Because Mother programmed you to do it. And Nick. Apparently.” He takes my chin in his hand and forces me to look at him. “You also saved me. And you tried to save Macie. You only killed the guards in self-defense and you stopped yourself from killing the innocent people in the hallway. That’s not a monster.”
There’s nothing to say to that.
“You’re not afraid? Of me?” I ask finally, averting my eyes.
He waits until I look back up at him before he shakes his head and smiles at me. “No. Never.”
Gavin pulls me into his arms again and kisses me. Gently at first, then more aggressively. As if he can’t help himself. And the minute of panic fades as if it was never there. The kiss has the effect that nothing else has—it warms my blood and soothes my soul. I don’t want it to stop.
Starshine veers and bumps into Asher’s horse, who nips at her and startles me awake. I stare around for a minute, lost as to where I really am. The dream felt so real, I could swear I’d really been there and not here.
And then I realize.
It wasn’t just a dream, it was a memory. A real memory. Not the stitched-together ones.
And I still remember it.
I smile as I savor it. It’s the first memory I’ve been able to keep. And it’s of him. My Gavin.
The smile fades when I remember I’ll never be able to tell him.
The final two hours are a misery. No matter what I do, I can’t get comfortable and we’ve only stopped long enough to rest the horses and fill our bellies and theirs before moving on again. I have no idea how they can keep up the pace, but they don’t so much as neigh a complaint.
When we finally pull up to the village, it’s dark with only the stars and moon to guide us. It looks just like it did before we left, and I almost expect to see Gavin waiting at the gates. But, of course, he’s not.
Asher jumps out when we get to the gate to talk to the guards. I watch as something passes between the two men; then the gates open and Asher signals me forward. The gates shut again behind us, while the guard stubbornly looks in the other direction and we continue into the village. Asher guides his horse to a stable like the one in Rushlake.
He helps me down and turns to our escorts when they step up to us. He talks with them for several minutes and, like with the guard, he hands something to the two of them. More bribes.
They promptly put it into their pockets and take the horses from us, while Asher guides me gently but firmly away.
It’s still quiet, with only the occasional howls from outside the gates that I now recognize as coyotes. I shudder, remembering how vicious they were and how lucky we’d been to avoid them this time. Then again, Asher had a shotgun like Gavin’s, so maybe it wasn’t luck at all. Maybe they just knew better.
Asher leads me through the village, past Gavin’s house. I don’t look at it; I do not want anything to stop me from what I’ve decided to do. It doesn’t take long before the lights from the village fade and our path is only illuminated by moon and starlight again. I glance up and watch the stars twinkle in their black canopy.
I’ll miss this. I stop and take a few minutes to savor it.
Asher turns when he realizes I’ve stopped and returns to my side. “We’ll see them again.” He sounds so sure, I almost believe him.
“Of course we will.” I shift so I’m looking at him.
He watches me for a moment, then turns and continues on. “We’d better hurry.”
Without saying a word, I follow.
We’re quiet the entire way to another large building. “Welcome to our boathouse,” he says, tossing out his hand in a grand gesture.
“Boathouse?”
“Well, that’s probably giving it too much credit.” I have to agree. It’s not much of a house at all. The wood has rotted away entirely in places. I’m not entirely confident the whole thing won’t collapse on top of us the minute we step inside.
The door is unlocked and Asher pulls it open with a squeal of hinges. The sound is deafening in the quiet. We hold our breath as we wait to see if the sound has given us away.
After a few minutes, it’s obvious no alarm has gone out, so we slip into the building. There, next to a rotting dock, is a shiny silver vehicle. It glows in the moonlight streaming through the holes in the roof.
“Here it is,” Asher says. “Dad hid it away in here after you and Gavin showed up in it. He had a bunch of guys from Rushlake studying it, but they never could figure out how to open it.” He shrugs.
Hesitantly I reach a hand out to the sleek silver machine and feel the cool metal and glass under my touch. I’m not sure what I expected, but nothing happens. Not even a hint of a memory.
Asher is watching me expectantly, so I shake my head. He lets out a breath. “Let’s just get this show on the road.”
“Road?” I frown. “Elysium is underwater.”
He laughs. “Just an expression.”
I turn my attention back to the boat, trying to locate the mechanism that will open the door. Asher kneels next to me, his thigh bumping mine as we run our fingers over the glossy surface.
After a few minutes, he straightens in triumph. “Here it is.” The glass top opens with a hiss.
I lift an eyebrow and he grins at me. “They never figured out how to open it, but I did.”
He turns and holds his hand out to help me up. I grasp it and let him haul me to my feet, wobbling slightly as the blood rushes from my head. “Why didn’t you tell them?”
“They never asked.” He looks away from me and I know that’s not the real answer.
“Evie!” a voice says behind Asher. Asher spins and I peer around him, my heart somersaulting in my chest.
Gavin is standing there, his skin pale in the moonlight.
I tug on Asher’s clothes. “Please, please, tell me you see Gavin, too. Please tell me I’m not just hallucinating.” My voice has a pleading, almost hysterical, edge to it.