We talked nothing of the lost child at first, then talked of nothing but the lost child in the weeks following. Neither silence nor words did much good, but my love for Bren deepened.
Still, I could not remove all of the guilt and bitterness she felt. Of Earth-lowland stock, she could not risk another pregnancy, so we took simpler pleasure in more complicated ways and hoped no baby resulted from some fluke. And of course all the while we each secretly prayed for that fluke, because we none of us ever believe that the worst is yet to come.
So quickly we grew older.
Such were my thoughts as Reverend Castell and I followed Rollie Tate down to the lake shore. On the way we gathered the other acolytes with double-claps at appropriate houses. As we walked, we heard howls of furious celebration and shouts of dissension and anger. It seemed our humanity was lessened in the acid-bath of sheer numbers.
Following the scampering Tate, we passed a few merchants, some actually squatting in the street beneath makeshift awnings, others hawking wares from collapsible wheeled carts. Dice flung from hands better suited to prayer than rough work clattered against stone walls, rolled across once-clean sidewalks. We also saw a group of miners buying a pair of donkeys, looking like prospectors from histories of Alaska and California, outfitted with Kennicott equipment and preparing to trek into Haven's wilderness seeking who knew what forms of personal wealth.
Near the lake we neared a group of men, some ship officers, others dressed in relative finery, especially for Haven standards. A boat bobbed behind them, its operator a bored fat man, who yawned repeatedly and chewed some kind of cud between yawns.
There, standing on the pebbles beside Major Lassitre, was a tall, clean-shaven man with cropped gray hair and dew-lapped eyes glinting like coal pushed too far into a snowman's face. Tate approached the tall man and did a bow that incorporated a curtsey and other, subtler obeisance. "The bearded guy," Tate said.
Noticing us, Lassitre said, with some disgust, "He insisted on being the last to the ground." When Castell ignored him in favor of staring at the tall man, Lassitre stepped back a pace or so and fell silent. He watched with some amusement, his eyes glittering even as he shivered now and then.
Tate took a position behind the tall man, who stepped up to Castell and said, "Reverend, I'm Julian Anders, and I've led my people here to join yours."
Reverend Castell locked gazes with the man. I saw neither flinch and thought, There's iron in them both. Castell said, "You served under me, on Earth. One of my ministers, but I can't quite place where you served-"
"I'm a leader now, in my own right. When you took the first Chosen away, I rose to ascension by popular acclaim." He grinned. "I represent those strong enough to be left behind. We've come to Haven to bulk your enterprise and bulwark your fragile community against its own cowardice and weakness. He gazed across the landscape, eyes squinted, and added, "You'll be glad to have me here, from the looks of things."
"Haven neither needs nor wants a second-in-command, Mister Anders," Castell said. He glanced at the military men, his gaze lingering on Lassitre, who affected not to notice.
"You're just lucky, I guess," Anders said, half his mouth curling upward. He looked around, sniffed the chill air, and added, "A trait I don't seem to share at the moment. I thought things would be, well, further along by the time we arrived. Have you forsaken all practicalities for constant prayer?"
The mockery and the veiled insult to our settlement caused several of us acolytes to bristle. Our bodies tensed. After all, we'd accomplished more than could reasonably have been expected, considering Haven's inhospitality and our own naivet? upon first arriving. And least of all did we expect to be insulted by one calling himself a Harmony, a so-called colonist who'd brought virtually nothing in the way of supplies or expertise. Here was arrant hubris indeed.
I looked at Reverend Castell, past the big black beard, past the bushy eyebrows, past the straight nose and wind-bronzed skin. I looked into his eyes, and I don't know what I saw, but a shiver descended my spine at the cold, hard glitter of it.
Unexpectedly, Julian Anders walked forward, brushing past Castell and carting the acolytes. "Let's find a warmer place to palaver.
Castell did not hurry after him, as a few of the younger acolytes did. Instead, he turned slowly and glared at the man's back. Charles Castell had a glare to melt glaciers, a glare to freeze volcanoes, a glare with all the charisma of creation itself concentrated in it. That glare could bless or curse, it could wound or cure. It only worked, however, if one saw it, and the reverend never looked back as he strode into our town.
"What must we do?" I asked the Reverend Castell.
He did not acknowledge me, but started walking back to town at that robotic pace, his eyes unblinking, that shuddersome glitter colder than even before, as if he'd ingested part of Haven's glacial heart.
"Yes, this site is nicely chosen, Castell," Anders said, leaning back against a pile of muskylope hides his aide, Tate, had gathered without permission from around the commons room in the acolyte quarters.
In the room's center a fire-pit full of coals radiated heat, while along its edges teapots heated water and small cauldrons simmered acorn-squash stew. A few blood-red heartfruits sizzled on hot, flat stones, and one culinary acolyte had a stuffed clownfruit baking, sans nose.
Lifting a silver flask, Anders took a pull, then smacked his lips and said, "Ambrosia, this brandy. Truly a balm for the soul. So, Castell, you can at least suggest a spot for our soul-troopers to bivouac."
Reverend Castell, standing by the door, frowned. "Our fields are vital to survival. We can spare no cultivated land. In fact, we need more."
"Oh, no doubt. But face it, old man, we need accommodations. Major?"
Lassitre glanced at Anders, brows raised but mouth tight.
Anders smiled at him as if reproving a child. "Major, you've given the situation thought. I saw you with your maps before we shuttled down.
Along the river that runs east," he began.
Anders cut him off. "Major, I don't intend trudging through manured fields right now." He pursed his lips. "This town square we just saw, now that shows promise. We could expand the town-"
"Our buildings are all occupied," Reverend Castell said.
"Oh, these rabbit holes shall be demolished, of course. A dignified community requires real buildings. It cannot cower in neolithic bunkers. Major, your engineering programs can no doubt draw us up some suitable places.
"Places, yes. Not palaces, however. In fact, nothing as good as these." He gestured around us. I caught Major Lassitre's disgusted and helpless glance at Reverend Castell. "You'll have to fit yourselves in here, Anders, or go off somewhere and fend for yourselves."
Laughing, Anders took another swig of his brandy. "Reverend Castell, does the major speak for you as well? Is this an example of Haven's charity?"
"There'll be precious little of that," Major Lassitre said. "If you'll excuse me, I've got to see to my groundcrew." As he walked to the door and got to his hands and knees to leave, Anders said, "My, he's certainly taking a more active interest in command these last few days."
The mocking tones stopped the major for an instant. "I was cashiered from the CoDo Marines because I happened to be caught in some political power moves. Bad timing's my only crime. And at least, Anders, I don't make grandiose claims based on ignorance and incompetence."
Pressing the attack, Reverend Castell told Anders, "Your presence I cannot dispute, but your behavior among my people I must condemn. Haven belongs to the Church of New Universal Harmony."