As far as any idea of doing the delicately nurtured a bit of good went, he tells me, he was prepared to stand underneath and catch them in blankets, but no more.
Why, then, should this not be so with Augustus Fink-Nottle and Hildebrand Glossop?
Such were my thoughts as I stood toying with the rope, and I believe I should have turned the whole thing up, had it not been that at this juncture there floated into my mind a picture of the Bassett hearing that bell for the first time. Coming as a wholly new experience, it would probably startle her into a decline.
And so agreeable was this reflection that I waited no longer, but seized the rope, braced the feet and snapped into it.
Well, as I say, I hadn't been expecting that bell to hush things up to any great extent. Nor did it. The last time I had heard it, I had been in my room on the other side of the house, and even so it had hoiked me out of bed as if something had exploded under me. Standing close to it like this, I got the full force and meaning of the thing, and I've never heard anything like it in my puff.
I rather enjoy a bit of noise, as a general rule. I remember Cats-meat Potter-Pirbright bringing a police rattle into the Drones one night and loosing it off behind my chair, and I just lay back and closed my eyes with a pleasant smile, like someone in a box at the opera. And the same applies to the time when my Aunt Agatha's son, young Thos., put a match to the parcel of Guy Fawkes Day fireworks to see what would happen.
But the Brinkley Court fire bell was too much for me. I gave about half a dozen tugs, and then, feeling that enough was enough, sauntered round to the front lawn to ascertain what solid results had been achieved.
Brinkley Court had given of its best. A glance told me that we were playing to capacity. The eye, roving to and fro, noted here Uncle Tom in a purple dressing gown, there Aunt Dahlia in the old blue and yellow. It also fell upon Anatole, Tuppy, Gussie, Angela, the Bassett and Jeeves, in the order named. There they all were, present and correct.
Butand this was what caused me immediate concernI could detect no sign whatever that there had been any rescue work going on.
What I had been hoping, of course, was to see Tuppy bending solicitously over Angela in one corner, while Gussie fanned the Bassett with a towel in the other. Instead of which, the Bassett was one of the group which included Aunt Dahlia and Uncle Tom and seemed to be busy trying to make Anatole see the bright side, while Angela and Gussie were, respectively, leaning against the sundial with a peeved look and sitting on the grass rubbing a barked shin. Tuppy was walking up and down the path, all by himself.
A disturbing picture, you will admit. It was with a rather imperious gesture that I summoned Jeeves to my side.
Well, Jeeves?
Sir?
I eyed him sternly. Sir? forsooth!
It's no good saying 'Sir?' Jeeves. Look round you. See for yourself. Your scheme has proved a bust.
Certainly it would appear that matters have not arranged themselves quite as we anticipated, sir.
We?
As I had anticipated, sir.
That's more like it. Didn't I tell you it would be a flop?
I remember that you did seem dubious, sir.
Dubious is no word for it, Jeeves. I hadn't a scrap of faith in the idea from the start. When you first mooted it, I said it was rotten, and I was right. I'm not blaming you, Jeeves. It is not your fault that you have sprained your brain. But after thisforgive me if I hurt your feelings, JeevesI shall know better than to allow you to handle any but the simplest and most elementary problems. It is best to be candid about this, don't you think? Kindest to be frank and straightforward?
Certainly, sir.
I mean, the surgeon's knife, what?
Precisely, sir.
I consider
If you will pardon me for interrupting you, sir, I fancy Mrs. Travers is endeavouring to attract your attention.
And at this moment a ringing Hoy! which could have proceeded only from the relative in question, assured me that his view was correct.
Just step this way a moment, Attila, if you don't mind, boomed that well-knownand under certain conditions, well-lovedvoice, and I moved over.
I was not feeling unmixedly at my ease. For the first time it was beginning to steal upon me that I had not prepared a really good story in support of my questionable behaviour in ringing fire bells at such an hour, and I have known Aunt Dahlia to express herself with a hearty freedom upon far smaller provocation.
She exhibited, however, no signs of violence. More a sort of frozen calm, if you know what I mean. You could see that she was a woman who had suffered.
Well, Bertie, dear, she said, here we all are.
Quite, I replied guardedly.
Nobody missing, is there?
I don't think so.
Splendid. So much healthier for us out in the open like this than frowsting in bed. I had just dropped off when you did your bell-ringing act. For it was you, my sweet child, who rang that bell, was knot?
I did ring the bell, yes.
Any particular reason, or just a whim?
I thought there was a fire.
What gave you that impression, dear?
I thought I saw flames.
Where, darling? Tell Aunt Dahlia.
In one of the windows.
I see. So we have all been dragged out of bed and scared rigid because you have been seeing things.
Here Uncle Tom made a noise like a cork coming out of a bottle, and Anatole, whose moustache had hit a new low, said something about some apes and, if I am not mistaken, a rogommierwhatever that is.
I admit I was mistaken. I am sorry.
Don't apologize, ducky. Can't you see how pleased we all are? What were you doing out here, anyway?
Just taking a stroll.
I see. And are you proposing to continue your stroll?
No, I think I'll go in now.
That's fine. Because I was thinking of going in, too, and I don't believe I could sleep knowing you were out here giving rein to that powerful imagination of yours. The next thing that would happen would be that you would think you saw a pink elephant sitting on the drawing-room window-sill and start throwing bricks at it.... Well, come on, Tom, the entertainment seems to be over.... But wait. The newt king wishes a word with us.... Yes, Mr. Fink-Nottle?
Gussie, as he joined our little group, seemed upset about something.
I say!
Say on, Augustus.
I say, what are we going to do?
Speaking for myself, I intend to return to bed.
But the door's shut.
What door?
The front door. Somebody must have shut it.
Then I shall open it.
But it won't open.
Then I shall try another door.
But all the other doors are shut.
What? Who shut them?
I don't know.
I advanced a theory!
The wind?
Aunt Dahlia's eyes met mine.
Don't try me too high, she begged. Not now, precious. And, indeed, even as I spoke, it did strike me that the night was pretty still.
Uncle Tom said we must get in through a window. Aunt Dahlia sighed a bit.
How? Could Lloyd George do it, could Winston do it, could Baldwin do it? No. Not since you had those bars of yours put on.
Well, well, well. God bless my soul, ring the bell, then.
The fire bell?
The door bell.
To what end, Thomas? There's nobody in the house. The servants are all at Kingham.
But, confound it all, we can't stop out here all night.
Can't we? You just watch us. There is nothingliterally nothingwhich a country house party can't do with Attila here operating on the premises. Seppings presumably took the back-door key with him. We must just amuse ourselves till he comes back.
Tuppy made a suggestion:
Why not take out one of the cars and drive over to Kingham and get the key from Seppings?