Moaning, I close my eyes and relish in our skin on skin contact. “We are never going to get out of here.”
Trailing kisses up and down my neck, he says, “We will. Eventually.”
His phone rings as I’m about to bring him into my body. He jumps up faster than I’ve ever seen, his face pulled in concern.
My body jolts in shock at the loss of heat but the look on his face has me on high alert.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s the hospital.” He holds up his finger and takes the call.
“Shit, please tell me she’s okay.” his voice cracks and my mind goes to the worst-case scenario. Emily was going to the medical placement home today, the foster parents who watch her when she’s not receiving treatments and has no reason to stay in the hospital.
“But she’s stable?”
I release the sheets I have balled in my fists at the word stable.
“Can I come see her?”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
He hangs up and gives me a guilty look.
“Don’t look at me like that. Go. She needs you.”
Conflicted, he begins to dress. “You’re okay if we don’t leave until later today?”
“Of course! Get out of here.”
“It’s only . . . she’s sick, she never made it out of the hospital today and she’s asking for me.”
“Go see her.”
After a two-minute shower, he throws on a white long sleeve T-shirt and blue jeans, going completely commando, which gives my heart a slight jolt. Quickly brushing his teeth and then pulling on his beanie, he’s ready to go in less than five minutes, his hair still glistening with water and face taut in concern.
“Come here.” I leave the comfort of his bed, completely naked, the cold air causing my nipples to stand erect.
He pinches one between his fingers and bends to kiss it. “I shouldn’t be too late.”
“It’s okay. Go.”
“I love you.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I nuzzle my face into his warm neck and take a deep breath instead. I do love him, I know I do, but I need more. I need all of him.
His body slightly deflates against mine and he sighs into the top of my head. I know he’s disappointed that I won’t say those three words, but he also knows why.
After a gentle kiss on my cheek, he’s gone.
Quickly throwing on a pair of sweats and one of his old T-shirts, I head to my own apartment. It’s early in the morning, and the air is crisp and chilly as I walk along the outer deck.
I’m unemployed, already packed, and have nothing to do while I wait for him. This is something that I could either get used to or hate with a passion.
Sitting down to catch up on my shows, I can’t decide which one to watch. I start the latest Amazing Race episode, but it doesn’t hold my interest for more than five minutes. Saving that for a later date, I turn on The Voice. Again, it’s not doing anything for me. Maybe I’m not in a TV watching mood.
‘Glimmer in the Sand’, the third in the trilogy I started when I met Damian is staring me in the face. Reaching for it, I lie back on my sofa and pull a blanket around me. A hopeless romantic falls for a broken playboy. He never knew he needed love until he met her. This looks right up my alley, but after the first twenty pages, I can’t focus on the words. My mind is wandering in a million different directions.
This is ridiculous. I can’t let Damian become my whole life. The last time I allowed a man that much access I was the one who ended up ruined. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I call Paige to see if she wants to grab a movie or a bite to eat, but she’s working. I try Mia. Shit, she’s working too. This should have been a great sign that maybe today is a good day to job hunt. I have about two months’ worth of money saved up, but two months will go by in the blink of an eye.
Opening my Mac Air, I begin to search recruiting websites. I’m into it for a good ten minutes before I once again begin to lose concentration. What the hell? I’m jittery and antsy and I’m going to get nothing done until I take a good look as to why I’m suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
The question hits me in the chest like a bullet.
Why hadn’t he taken me with him?
I’ve gone with him to see Emily this entire past week. Did he think I’d get in the way?
My concern should be with Emily and what happened, and it is. But selfishly I also feel burned, slighted that I’m not important enough to be a part of her healing process. Yet another thing he’s keeping me separated from.
I’m startled out of my depressing thoughts by a knock at my door. Cautiously, I look through the peephole and I freeze, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, my blood boiling. My hands shake as they rest on the doorknob. This is not what I need right now. I’m not sure if I should open the door or leave him standing outside, but I have no doubt that he won’t go away easily. And Damian coming home to find Matt outside my front door is going to be cause for murder.
Taking a long, deep breath, I slowly open the door.
“Matt,” I sigh, “I don’t remember you ever being this persistent.”
He smiles. “I never had to be before. You kind of loved me at first sight and never let go.”
I have to concede at his accurate account of our relationship.
“Why are you here?”
He walks past me, not waiting for an invite.
“Addy,” His hand is over his heart, his words deliberate and intent. “I know you’re still hurt and I don’t blame you. Sorry doesn’t begin to cover how wrong it was of me to leave you.”
“Matt, I forgive you. But that doesn’t give you the right to barge in here whenever you see fit. Boundaries, Matt. We need some boundaries.”
“I never stopped loving you, Addison, never once.”
“Matt, you got married.”
“Biggest mistake of my life.”
“I don’t plan on being your second biggest mistake.”
He takes a step forward. “You spent two hours with me after you got fired, Addison. Not him, me. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
He’s right. When I bumped into him that afternoon, a feeling of relief washed through my body. That someone who once loved me was there to help and listen to my side of the story. That maybe I wasn’t as alone as I’d thought in that moment. But in reality, that emotion was only a recognition of a first love, a remembrance of a feeling that was once so vibrant in my life. And yes, if he hadn’t taken off and left me, if so much time hadn’t passed between us, he could have quite possibly been my forever as well, but that’s not how our lives played out.
I begin to shake my head, but he takes a step towards me, and grabs my left hand. “Addison, I’m not the same person who left you five years ago.”
“That’s the problem, Matt. I don’t know who you are anymore. The Matt I loved would never have gotten married for money or a business deal. He never would have cheated on his wife. And if the old Matt were standing right here in front of me, I’d never be able to tell him to leave. Because I loved that Matt, would have done anything for him.”
Stroking his thumb along the back of my hand, he says, “That person’s still a part of me Addison. But I’ve grown up over the past five years, and when I see something I want, I take it. I wanted success, I wanted prestige and I now want you. You’re the only missing piece of my life and nothing will feel complete until I have you in it.”
My palms are starting to sweat and a queasy dread works its way through my gut. “Matt, I’ve already opened my heart to someone else.” I want to pull back, but he curls his hand around my fingers and holds on a little tighter. “You’ve given me closure, something I’ve craved since you left.”
He runs his other hand through his perfect brown hair and points his blue heated gaze at me. “Closure? Nothing about the past few months has felt like closure Addy. I know I’m not crazy. We work. We’ve always worked. And if for one minute you could let go of the past, if you could see the future that I do, you wouldn’t be denying us either.”