A terrible taste enters my mouth and my heart races, not sure where it wants to go. Everything is beginning to spin and tilt out of focus. I’m alone, in my apartment with my ex-boyfriend—this is not good.
When I look at Matt, I don’t see love, friendship or trust. I see five years’ worth of pain that I can never get back. Looking at him brings up so much shit that I never want to see again. It’s a reminder that I allowed myself to get lost, that I allowed myself to be weak and I’ll never put myself in that position again.
“Matt, I’ve really moved on.”
He pulls me closer. “Addy, I never intended to be gone forever.” His eyes looked pained and his expression is one of deep regret. I can’t help but feel a slight twinge of sympathy for the man in front of me. If what he’s saying is true, if his marriage really was a farce, it’s quite possible he spent the past five years in as much pain as I was. “I don’t regret leaving you Addison. I did that to make a better life for both of us. Everything I’ve ever done has been for you, for us. But I deeply regret the way I went about building that life.”
His hand grips mine tighter.
Falling back into Matt’s arms isn’t on my radar. Damian and I haven’t had the smoothest start, but I owe it to him, I owe it to myself to give us the best shot I can.
“Addy, my divorce will be final in three months. Give us a chance.” He slips his hand inside his pocket.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you Addison. I’ve never stopped.” He pulls his hand out of his pocket and the sunlight catches the gleam of a diamond. I’m too shocked to say anything. It’s big and shiny. I stand there stunned, no words forming on my tongue as I stare at the beautiful gem he’s holding out to me.
He pulls me into an embrace, my cheek pressed against his chest, breathing in his cologne and feeling his heart hammer against my face. I still see the bright shine of the diamond, feel the soft material of the T-shirt he’s wearing against my skin, yet my mind has left me, possibly my soul as well, both floating on the ceiling staring down at a situation that is so very wrong.
“Marry me, Addison. Marry me in three months, next year, in five years. I don’t care, just please marry me. Come with me to New York, be my family. Help me right the wrong I did to us.”
I pull back and look up at a man I once loved with every part of my being. This is a moment I dreamed about for so long and I can’t believe it’s happening. I don’t want it to happen. The sight of the ring weighs down on my heart. None of this is right. My hands begin to shake as reality closes in. I look down at the diamond then back into the red-rimmed eyes of Matt Bryson. My future, my hope, my dreams all gone in the blink of an eye.
“Matt, I . . . I don’t . . .”
“Don’t give me an answer tonight, Addy. Think about it. Take the ring and think about. Try to remember how good we once were. We could travel the world. You could do everything you never got to. I’d give you anything you ever wanted.”
All I ever wanted was a life with him—a perfectly planned out life that never happened. But I don’t want that life anymore. My life changed directions almost three months ago when a new neighbor moved in and that’s the route I plan to stay on.
“Would you rather use the porta-potty at the county fair or the one at the beach?”
“I think Sweet Pea, that may just be the most disgusting one you’ve asked yet.”
She’s sitting in her white hospital bed, the bottoms of her feet touching in a butterfly position and a big smile on her face. Her large white teeth shining brightly.
“I’m going to answer beach. It would have to smell slightly better, right?”
She giggles, and my heart tightens. “I’m really happy you’re not feeling sick anymore.” I lean forward and kiss her head.
“Me too.”
She yawns big, and I know it’s time to leave. I’ve been here all day. She needs her sleep and I need to get home and back to Addison. Emily is being discharged tomorrow morning and she’s going to be all right for the time being.
“Why isn’t Addison here?”
I’m momentarily startled by her innocent question. When I heard she’d been sick, the only thought to enter my mind was to get here as quickly as I could. But why wouldn’t I bring Addison?
“Do you want her to come every time I visit you?”
She smiles and nods. “Yes. She plays a better Would You Rather?”
“Not true.”
“Very true.”
I’m not about to argue with her.
I’d love to bring Addison with me as often as possible, and in all honesty, I could have easily brought her today, but I’d chosen not to.
Emily’s sick and I knew there was a good chance they’d break that hour rule for me to sit with her, but they weren’t going to break it for Addison. It was a total dick move on my part and if I do believe Addison is my future, she should have been here too. I’m already keeping her in the dark about Megan, leaving her home probably pushed her even further away. Fuck, I screwed up.
“She’ll be here next time Sweet Pea. She had to work this afternoon.” And I just lied to an eight-year-old; I’m on a roll today. “But I promise I’ll bring her in soon to see you.” At least that promise I can stand behind.
Snuggling into her bed she gives me a thumbs up. “Night Sweet Pea.”
“Night.”
We fist bump and I book it out of her room in an attempt to get home as quickly as possible. I feel like a total jerk for not thinking of bringing Addison with me. I wonder how she’d feel to know I purposely excluded her.
For the first time since my accident, I can see my future. I know exactly who I am and who I want to be. And right now, I want to be with Addison. She’s holding her heart back from me and I can’t stand it. It’s time to tell her everything, it’s the only way to make sure her heart is permanently linked to mine, and at this point, I can’t have it any other way.
It feels like I hit every red light. I want to press on the accelerator and break any traffic law standing between her and me. Now that I’ve decided to bring her completely into my world, I want it to happen instantly. Not in five minutes or one day, but right now. Pulling onto my street a feeling of unease creeps into my blood stream. There’s a black Tesla in my parking spot and I don’t recognize it. My fingers begin to twitch, my breath shortening and my senses on full alert. Immediately I block it in. Whoever’s here, isn’t leaving without going through me first.
I take the stairs two at a time, my heart beating steadily. Instant alarm grips me as I see Addison’s door slightly ajar. Burglar, rapist, murderer are the only thoughts that blast through my mind as I throw her door wide open. It slams into the wall, making my presence known.
Matt wasn’t one of my fears, but he should have been.
The scene plays out in front of me, and I can’t understand what I’m seeing. But he’s holding her in his arms, I can’t hear him, all the blood pulsing loudly between my ears blocking out any other noise.
Why the fuck is he holding her?
“Let her go!”
The asshole looks at me and tightens his arms around her. Does he have a death wish? “I said, Let. Her. Go.”
He smirks and slowly releases the hold he has on her. I want to wipe his face on the floor with my foot.
“Back away.” I vaguely hear Addison crying and the idea that he’s done something to her, that he’s hurt her more than he already has propels me forward.
I don’t remember walking in his direction, or picking him up by his shirt. But I do remember slamming my fist into his nose, blood covering her white shaggy rug. The bones crumble under my fist and I know he’s going to need surgery to correct the damage I just inflicted. Good.