"Don't care," he said.
Absolute truth, she thought, just flat, dead tired truth.
"Been that way too," she said, and felt the cold of Thule docks, remembered what the nights were like there when you were broke—felt the cold ofLoki'sdeck through the blanket, chilling her backside; felt the cold chance that somebody could walk in and bring down the mofs on both of them. "But things change. I'm alive to tell you that."
"Can't," he said, "can't change," and he gave a long, deep breath that became a shiver, brushed his mouth past her ear. "Just a matter of time." A slow tremor started, like a shiver, got worse; and he started to get up in a hurry, but he banged the overhang of a girder and came down hard on her, smashed her with his elbow, shoved at her, but the space trapped them. "God!" he yelled, "God—get outof here!"
No place to go: she knew a space-out when she saw one. She scrambled, blind for a second, blood in her mouth, fetched up against the icy metal of the can-track, got her knees up to protect herself, but he was just sitting there, bent double.
"Ramey," she said, shaking, trying to pull her clothes together.
He just curled over and tucked down, arm over his head.
She grabbed a blanket and got it around his shoulders.
"Go to hell," he said, between chattering teeth.
"Been there, too, you sum-bitch." She put back the blanket he shrugged off. "Should have kicked you good. Leave it, dammit!"
Long, long time he was like that, clenched up hard, shaking. She just sat there, leaned on his back and held the blanket around him, talked to him sometimes, wished she dared hit him with the trank she carried, but God knew if that was the right thing, or where he was, or when, out in some mental jump-space.
Finally he said: "Go 'way, Yeager. Get the hell out of here."
"You all right?"
"I'm all right."
"C'n you get up?"
He straightened up long enough to shove her away. "I said let me alone!"
She caught her balance squatting on her heels, put a hand down to steady herself, not a defenseless position. "You yell all you like, man. You want crew in here, you just yell your head off."
Silence from the shadow opposite her, a long, long time.
"Ramey."
"Get on back," he said without raising his head from his arms.
"Do what? Leave you to freeze your ass off? Get up. Come on."
No answer.
"Ramey, dammit."
Still no answer.
She pushed up to her feet, stiff, half-frozen, caught herself on the wall. "I'm going after Bernstein."
"No!"
"Then get on your feet, Ramey, hear me?"
He moved. He started getting his clothes together, hands shaking. He didn't look up, and she squatted down again and blotted her lip.
"Sonuvabitch," she said slowly, with a despairing shake of her head, and put out her hand to press his shoulder. He shook that off.
"You're being an ass," she said.
"General opinion," he said. "Let me be."
"That how you pay all your favors?"
He sank against the wall, hand over his eyes, turned his shoulder away from her, just beyond coping with her.
Her gut hurt. She was still shivering with adrenaline and her teeth were chattering, but some kinds of pain got to her, and a man with a reality problem was a hard one to sit through. A spacer who'd had done to him by another spacer what Fitch had done—that was hard even to think about.
What this crew had done, on the other hand—
—maybe just not knowing what to do with himc She didn't know what to do with him either, right now. She was ready just to give up and go away and let him pull himself out of this particular hole in his own time, man wouldn't do himself any hurt, he never had.
And maybe there was just nothing she could do but make him crazier.
He passed the hand over his face and leaned back against the wall, finally, bit of light falling on his jaw, on one eye.
"You all right?" she asked.
He nodded, exhausted-seeming.
"Musa said Fitch didn't give you your trank," she said. "That true?"
Second nod.
"Fitch shoved me in that damn locker during undock," she said. "I was scared he wouldn't."
The single visible eye flickered. Blinked, fast.
"Fitch is the crazy one," she said. "—You merchanter, Ramey?"
No answer.
"Ramey, you scared of me?"
No answer.
"I figure," she said quietly, "You got all you can handle. I can understand that. But I tell you something, Ramey, I don't need anybody either. Not going to lean on you, not going to doublecross you. I would appreciate it if you kind of watch where your elbows are going."
He reached across the gap between them and pressed her arm, once, gently.
She put her hand on his, held onto his fingers. "You want to go back to rec and buy me a beer? I'm still not sure my credit's in the bank."
He shook his head.
"Come on," she said. "Doesn't scare me."
Another shake of his head. His jaw showed knotted muscle.
"All right," she said. "I'll take your advice on it. But I tell you what. Someday you're going to do that."
"Fitch," he said. Cold straight shot. Damned sobering one. "Name's NG," he said, then, as if some obstruction in his throat had broken loose with that. "Don't make a case of it. Don't stand outside the rest."
"I understand you."
He lifted his hand and touched her jaw, gentle, gentle touch, and it brought back what he could be, either the crazy man or the sane one, she wasn't even sure which was which with him.
"You're going to give me a hell of a rep," she said. "I tell McKenzie I'm going off with a guy, I come back with a cut lip.—Where's the other holes on this ship, so I can explain where I was? A lot of them?"
"Galley stores. Services. Core lift-bay. Stowages."
"Mofs get upset?"
Shake of his head. "Most don't."
"But Fitch is looking."
"This is Orsini's watch. Fitch is mainday."
"Orsini an S.O.B?"
"Different kind." NG ran a hand through his hair and leaned his forehead against it.
"He—"
The door opened. Lights came up.
NG's hand reached hers in a flash, clenched it. She closed down hard, sat absolutely still while voices drifted back, woman's voice, man's sharp and angry.
A switch thumped, machinery whined, and the cans moved on the track. Bet snatched the blanket clear of the rail, where it could hang the track up, saw the can coming at her and pressed against NG for a moment as can after can cycled past, pushing against her with brutal force, shoving at her back and hip, enough to drive the breath out of her.
More machinery. NG's hand pressed her head close against his shoulder as a loader clanked.
And stopped.
Things quietened after a while. The voices were a dull murmur over the ship-noise.
Then the lights went down and the door shut.
She sat there with her teeth chattering, the cold all the way through her.
"Gap's still there," NG said, of the way they had gotten back into this hole. "Always is."
"Good," she said, clench-jawed, because she'd been thinking about that, too shaken-up to look.
"You better go," he said. "Slip past the shop door. It could be open. That was Liu and Keane. Liu's a bitch."
She had to, that was all. She got her stiff limbs to work, she squeezed her body between the cans at the curve and got herself out and down the corridor, walking like she belonged there, with her knees weak and her gut gone to water.
She stopped around the line-of-sight from Ops, hung out near the lockers for a good few shivering, worried minutes until NG showed up.
Not expecting her. That was clear.