“Boss, I can’t explain it, but I’m actually quite content. In a funny sort of way, I think my macho life-style was compensating for something. I was never gay, but I had a permanent sense of unease and of not belonging all my life. That sense has gone now, and I wake up each morning with a smile on my face. I’m not going to breakdown, believe me.” It was the nearest I got to sharing my inner feelings with another human being.
“I’d still like you to see the shrink.”
“Fine, I will, but I don’t think it make any difference.”
Howard waved for the bill, which was brought very quickly.
“Thank you; that was a delightful meal. I hope I didn’t disgrace myself.”
“My dear girl, you were charming and wonderful company. I completely forgot your, um, your unique history, until I made myself think about it latterly.”
I suddenly had a thought.
“Um, boss, about me, or rather, Rob. What’s going to happen?”
“You mean the funeral and everything?”
“Yup, and financially, for my son, that is?”
“I was going to go through this with you tomorrow, as you’ve been through a lot up to this point.”
I glanced round the room.
“Look, I might as well know now.”
“Okay. I spoke to Debbie and told her you’d been killed on a job. I then said your will left everything to Bruce.”
I nodded, as that was true.
“So, he gets the flat and all your other assets.”
I smiled sadly. “That’s not much.”
“We’ve made sure he gets looked after.”
“Thanks boss,” I said, feeling tears come to my eyes.
“I’ve arranged a funeral in a couple of days. I don’t think it would be a good idea if you were there.”
“Why, for Bruce’s sake?”
“No, for your sake. I’m not sure it would be helpful. I believe you need time to come to terms with who you are before you face the past.”
I thought about it for a moment. I could see me getting all emotional, and it wouldn’t do for a complete stranger getting emotional. I had another silly thought and started to smile.
“What?” he asked.
“I just thought if I did show up, dressed in black and breaking down in tears, Debbie would think that I was his fancy piece.”
Howard smiled gently.
“You said ‘his’ and not ‘my’,” he remarked.
I frowned, trying to work out why.
“It’s because he isn’t really me any more. I’m not sure he ever was,” I admitted, making him frown again.
“How do you mean?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. Perhaps the shrink can sort me out.”
I smiled as the waiter assisted by holding my chair and pulling it back as I rose.
“One could get used to this,” I said with a smile. I noticed that various diners were watching us carefully.
“I’m sure they think I’m your mistress,” I said to him, as I took his arm.
“Then my reputation can only improve if an old fart like me can attract a gorgeous young Valkarie like you.”
That made me laugh, so more heads turned.
“If only they knew!” I said, as we left. I made a point of slipping my arm through his.
On our return to his town house, Howard spent some time making calls in his study. One, I guessed, would be to his wife. Trying, no doubt, to explain my presence before the social jungle drums got to her. It was half past eleven and so I felt quite tired, but there was a voice-mail message on my mobile. It was from David.
“Hi Rebecca, just my luck to miss you. Um, I’m bored and was wondering whether you’d be able to come and stay for a few days. I appreciate you’re trying to mend your memory, so only if you get a chance. I’d love to hear from you even if you can’t make it. Call me. Bye.”
I decided it was too late to ring him, so that was another job for me to do tomorrow. It was funny, as I actually wanted to see him again as well.
Howard bade me good night, so I went to bed, wondering what tomorrow would bring.
I’ve had medicals several times in my life, but never with two doctors and never in quite such detail. The amount of blood that had been removed made me feel I was auditioning for the job as a pincushion.
We’d arrived at a large manor house in Berkshire shortly after nine on the Tuesday morning. I was dumped in a clinically pristine room with two white-coated men, both in their middle years.
Three hours later, they announced they’d finished with me and I could get dressed again. I was so thankful that the heating was turned up. I dressed, had a cup of tea and a biscuit and then reported to the psychiatrist.
To my relief she was nearer thirty and wasn’t in an ubiquitous white coat. She was much shorter than I was, at about five-five. She was dark, giving a hint of Spanish or Mediterranean blood in there somewhere. Her long dark hair had a natural wave to it, and her huge brown eyes were incredibly sexy.
She was wearing a dark skirt, showing off a very attractive pair of legs, topped off with a fluffy dark pullover. She was a very pretty girl and had I still been male, I would have made a play. Hell, I still might!
“Come in, you’re Rebecca?”
“Yup, thanks,” I said, as I walked into her room.
It was laid out as a casual sitting room, with comfy armchairs and a sofa. A bookcase ran down one wall, and there was a small desk with a PC in the corner.
“I’m Carlene Phillips, the Colonel said you’d be dropping by.”
“You’re the shrink?”
She laughed. “Yup, ’fraid so. Come and sit down. Would you like a drink?”
“I’ve just had a tea, but I’d love something long and cold.”
She gave me a squash and had one herself. Then she sat next to me.
“Okay, this may seem a daft question, but why does someone like you need to see someone like me?”
“What did Howard tell you?”
One eyebrow arched at my use of the Colonel’s first name.
“Nothing, except that you were to have the full benefit of my expertise and that I should get to know you as well as I could. It begs the question, what in the world makes a young girl like you get involved with this lot?”
I laughed. “The first lesson I learned in my trade is never assume anything. I’m not what I appear.”
“Oh?”
“But that’s not why I’m here, the boss wants to know if I am in danger of becoming unhinged, or may be half way there already.”
“Should you be?”
“That’s for you to decide.”
“Tell me about yourself.”
“I’m unmarried, never actually had a gentleman calling, so to speak, and have had a varied education and life experience. My parents are dead, I have no siblings and no close family to pester me.”
“How old are you?”
“How old do you think I am?” I asked, neatly sidestepping the question.
“Twenty-one or maybe twenty-two.”
“You are judging me by the covers. I’m actually a tad older.”
She stared at me.
“Now you think I’m unhinged.”
“No, I just see your near perfect complexion, the quality of your skin and vitality in your eyes. How much older?”
“That’s classified, but thanks for the vitality bit.”
“Did you have a good relationship with your mother?”
I smiled. “How come you shrinks always come back to parents? I adored my mother and she felt the same about me. My dad was an old soldier whom I worshiped. He died some time ago, as he never believed that smoking could hurt him. Cancer got him in the end; though he kept smoking right up to a couple of days before he died. Mum died last year. I was abroad at the time.”
The conversation was rather like a tennis match rally. We spent a very pleasant hour, with her questioning me and me avoiding answering directly.
“Rebecca, you are being deliberately evasive. Why?”