Anyway, all this was nothing more than idle curiosity, until he opened that mouth of his. It was just to ask a question — an unusually perceptive question, in fact, which showed that he’d been listening and actually understood a thing or two about population-control programs — but the words came right out and strummed me deep inside. Not the words themselves, but the sound of the words. Lakshman has a rich, soft voice, not smooth like a radio announcer’s but slightly husky, like raw-edged velvet. There was something about his voice that reached out and drew me in, something that was both inviting and yet reassuring. It was a voice like a warm embrace, a voice that was seductive but not a seducer’s. Do I make sense? Because if I don’t, I can’t describe it any better, Cindy. I heard his voice, and the only thing I could care about was hearing that voice again.
And I did, because Mr. Das went on and on, and Lakshman asked him all these gentle, probing questions, and I sat and listened to him, and I saw his sad, gentle eyes, and I knew I had found a kindred spirit.
I know you’re going to say, there you go again, Priscilla, you’re an incurable romantic, and I suppose I am and I’m not ashamed of it. Because you know what, Cindy, every time I think I’ve found a kindred spirit I’ve usually been right, whether it’s with you or Professor Nichols or even with Winston, even if that ended badly. And there’s no danger of that kind of complication arising here. We’ve spent loads of time together since that first meeting at the office and he’s very correct, very gentle, very proper. Oh, and he’s married. OK? So get any wicked thoughts out of your devious little mind, Ms Cindy Valeriani. He’s had an arranged marriage, I’ll have you know, with all the trimmings, and he has a little daughter he’s very proud of, six years old and with dimpled cheeks you can hardly resist wanting to pinch. I know, not just because I’ve seen her picture in his office, but because she was presented to me when he invited me home to dinner. Little Rekha with the deep dark eyes and the dimples. So there.
The wife’s a bit strange, actually, very different from him, reserved and not very communicative. She didn’t make much effort to engage me in conversation. In fact, no sooner had the servants served us dinner than she disappeared to attend to Rekha and left me alone with Lakshman. Which was fine with me, of course, but it felt a bit odd, especially when she emerged only when I asked to say goodnight and goodbye.
But in that time we talked and talked, Cindy. I know he only invited me because he wanted to be courteous to the only foreigner in Zalilgarh, and maybe — just maybe — because he liked me when we met at the project and later talked in his office, but we soon connected at a much more, what can I call it, elemental level. As the evening wore on I realized I’m the only person in this back-of-beyond town he can actually talk to — the only person with a comparable frame of reference, who’s read the same sorts of books, seen the same movies, heard some of the same music (thank God for elder brothers). These Indian officials lead terribly lonely lives in the districts. He’s 33, and he’s God as far as the local bureaucracy is concerned. But it also means that he’s the only man in Zalilgarh from his sort of background; he’s surrounded by people who haven’t had his education, haven’t thought the same thoughts, can’t discuss the same ideas in the same English language. When he’s posted in Delhi or even the state capital, Lucknow, it’s completely different, of course, but here in Zalilgarh he’s It, and he’s pretty much alone. Oh, he’s constantly being invited to the homes of the local bigwigs, the landlords and caste leaders and contractors and community chiefs with whom he has to be on intimate terms, but he has nothing in common intellectually with any of them. He mentioned one friend, the district superintendent of police, who’d been to the same college, but they’re a couple of years apart and hadn’t been close then, and in any case I’m not sure their normal work gives them all that much time together. At least that’s the impression I had. So when Priscilla Hart comes along, full of stories of life in the Big Apple and knowledgeable as hell about Indian women and their reproductive rights, he sits up and listens. And why not, huh?
Actually, when I said goodnight and left him that night, I realized for the first time how lonely I was. I’d come prepared for the kind of experience I was having before I met him — lots of hard work, conversing with women through interpreters (though my Hindi’s getting much better now), some solicitous attention from kindly, hopeless Mr. Das and the helpful if devious extension worker Kadambari (the ones I told you about in my last letter), but with all my spare time spent alone, reading and writing and putting down my notes. And because that’s all I expected, that’s what I quickly got used to. Until I met Lakshman.
Until I met Lakshman, and talked, and connected with his kindred spirit, and said goodnight, and I found myself flooded with the sense that I was missing something so bad I could taste it. Something I’d taught myself not to miss.
No, I’m not in love or anything like that, Cindy, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so, and it’s all quite impossible, anyway. He’s married, and I’m here for ten months, and we inhabit different worlds. But when I came back to my room, with no phone, no TV, with only a few books and erratic light to read them by, I realized how much I’d cut myself off from something I really did have before. Companionship. I could find it with him, I think.
And in the meantime, I’ll learn a lot! He’s had to educate me from scratch about the whole Hindu-Muslim question. Not just the basics — how the British promoted divisions between Hindus and Muslims as a policy of “divide and rule,” how the nationalist movement tried to involve everybody but the Muslim League broke away and called for a state of Pakistan, how the country was partitioned in 1947 to give the Muslims a separate state, etc etc — but on the more recent troubles. I suppose you know, Cin, that 12 % of India’s eight hundred million people are Muslim, against 82 % who’re Hindu (I think I’ve got the numbers right!). For decades since the Partition there’ve been small-scale problems in many parts of the country, riots pitting one group against the other, usually over some religious procession or festival intruding on the other religious group’s space. The Indian government has apparently become rather good at managing these riots, and people like Mr. Lakshman are trained at riot control the way a student is trained to footnote a dissertation. They try to create networks between the two communities, he tells me, using “peace committees” to build bridges between leaders of the two religious groups. It’s reassuring to listen to him talk about all this, because the atmosphere here isn’t all good. There’s a lot of tension in these parts over something called the Ram Janmabhoomi, a temple that some Hindus say was destroyed by the Mughal emperor Babar in 1526. Well, Babar (yes, just like the cartoon elephant!) replaced it with a mosque, apparently, and these Hindus want to reverse history and put the temple back where the mosque now stands. Though Lakshman tells me there’s no proof there ever was a temple there. Not that a mere detail like that matters to the Hindu leaders who’re busy organizing rallies and demonstrations all around the country and asking their followers to transport bricks to the site so they can build their temple there. …
But enough about this place. Cindy, how’s your love life? Is Matt still acting as if what happened between you two never happened?…