Clearly, there was still unrest between the families if they weren’t acknowledging Phoenix much. He’d taken over as the Nicolasi boss even though he wasn’t Nicolasi by blood, and blood, to the Italians was everything.
Frank was silent on the way back to Nixon’s. The car turned off, I reached for the handle, but Frank put a hand on my arm. “You’ll speak. At the funeral.”
“I was planning on it.” I was also dreading it.
“This is good.” Frank released my arm. “Thank you.”
“How is he…?” I asked. “Really.”
Frank chuckled. “Offer it all you want… your power of brainwashing, promising to help him forget her. He’ll always say no. Why would he want to forget the lightest part of his existence?”
“Why, indeed.” I pressed my lips together. “But the offer will always stand for him, it is the least I can do… if the pain is too much.”
“The pain will always be too much,” Frank whispered. “Life is full of pain, just like life is full of regret. It is how we react to pain in that very moment, that defines the type of person we will be. When you stop feeling pain… when you stop wanting to? That is when you have lost your humanity. The question then, should not be, should I make myself forget the pain? But, should I go on living, when it no longer makes me want to act?”
His words haunted me long into the evening while we shared a few bottles of wine. It had been ages since I’d allowed myself to lose control and drink more than I knew my body could handle.
But Italians and their loudness had a way of making me feel like family, something I’d never truly had.
I had Jac.
But did she really count anymore?
Blood stained us both.
Blood ruined my entire line.
I half walked, half stumbled to the bedroom Nixon had set aside for me, kicked off my boots, and tugged down my pants, then pulled my shirt over my head. Completely naked, I pulled the sheets back and gulped at Maya’s sleeping form.
I drank her in.
From her toes all the way to her mouth.
And nearly had a heart attack when she opened her eyes and said my name.
“Yes?” I answered.
“You’re naked.”
“You’re in my bed.”
“Was I supposed to be naked too?”
I gritted my teeth. Hell yes. Naked. I could do a lot with her naked, writhing body, I could do so many things, things she would actually remember.
With a soft sigh, she turned on her side, her eyes boldly gazing at my body, I felt her stare, felt the heat of desire building as she licked her lips.
“Maya,” I ground out. “We can’t.”
“Okay.” She reached for me.
I tried to push her away, gently, but I wasn’t controlled in my movements, and she was able to grip my hand and tug me onto the bed.
I straddled her.
I wanted to do so much more than straddle her.
“This feels…”
“Right?” I guessed.
“No.” She frowned. “Familiar.”
Listen more, talk less. –Russian Proverb
“BEEN DREAMING ABOUT ME, ZVEZDA MOYA?”
Warmth filled my chest. “My mother used to call me her little star.” It was one of my favorite memories of being a child, one of the rare things I actually did remember before my sixteenth birthday. Memories from before then had been… locked away, or so it seemed. I remembered fragments, my father said it was because of the car accident, apparently the trauma had been too much, and my concussion had caused long term effects.
“Maya,” Nikolai whispered my name between our mouths, linking me to him, making me want nothing more than to kiss him, it wasn’t just familiar, it was right, like he said, it was… as if we fit, we were meant to be.
The fear was still there.
But it wasn’t from him.
It was for us.
And I had no idea why.
“Why are you frowning?” He asked, one hand caressing my face while the other cupped the back of my head, pulling me closer to him.
“You said never to ask questions,” I teased.
His lips twitched. “I deserved that.”
“I don’t know why…” I worried my lower lip as tears pooled in my eyes. “I have no idea why my dad sent me to your offices, or why he would sign my life away… why you would take it. I’m confused more than ever about what we’re really doing with the Italians and why they would swear to protect a hated enemy. There are so many questions that my head is spinning, but I know the answer to one. And if I know the answer to one, then I’m doing okay, right?”
“Absolutely.” He tensed slightly, as if holding his breath. “And what is your answer?”
“You,” I said simply. “It all leads to you. Everything. And I think, for now…” I leaned up, brushing my lips across his. “That’s all that matters.”
“And if I’m the key to both your survival and your destruction, what then?”
“You mean what if your water is poison?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Then I want to drink.”
There were two seconds.
Two brief moments in time.
When I felt my heart race and wondered if it matched his as Nikolai took a steadying breath… then swallowed hard.
One beat against my chest, and his lips were touching mine.
Two beats as my heart picked up speed, and I could feel the heat of his mouth as he slid his tongue across my lower lip.
I moaned in response, reaching around his neck, grasping fistfuls of his hair and tugging as his body moved against mine. Without breaking the kiss, Nikolai found the hem of my cotton T-shirt, lifted it and pulled it over my head, our mouths parting for seconds before, with a sizzle of heat, they met again, and again. Each time our lips grazed it felt new, and yet familiar, like we’d shared hundreds of kisses, thousands of embraces.
He leaned back and helped me to a sitting position, his muscles flexing from holding his own weight. Moonlight shone across the planes of his firm chest. Something about Nikolai’s masculine beauty was lethal, so dangerous that my heart raced even harder. He frowned, pressing his palm to my chest as if trying to calm me down.
I wasn’t safe.
Not in his arms.
But I was where I belonged.
I was complete.
The sensation washed over me with such a rightness that I wanted to cry, like I’d been waiting my entire life for that very moment. Images of us kissing flashed in my mind.
I touched the sides of his face, my hands soaking in the warmth of his cheeks.
“I’ll never be free of you,” Nikolai turned his head, whispering against my open palm, then his head descended as he kissed slowly down my neck, each breath tickled against my skin as his tongue left wet possessive trails down to my collarbone, his lips sucked as his hands moved down to my hips and pulled my shorts free.
He was right about one thing, as his smooth hands trailed down the sensitive skin of my thighs, neither of us would be free of this moment, it was going to bind us together forever.
Nikolai’s breathing increased as his hands cupped my ass, and he pulled my body farther down the bed then braced a hand on either side of me. Holding his weight off me, he continued kissing down my arm, stopping at my fingertips, then sucking each finger, like he wanted to taste every single part of me and wouldn’t be satisfied with just my mouth.
I nearly bucked off the bed when he moved to my hips.
“Sensitive,” he mused, I could feel his smile against my skin as he kept kissing. “I could drink you like this…” His mouth moved to my core. “And like this.” I let out a pitiful moan as tingling sensations spiraled outward from where his mouth caressed me. “Every damn day.”
“Nik—“
With a growl he splayed his hands across my hips forcing my body down when it wanted to go up, to move against him. It was the sweetest torture, and an ache built within me. I squeezed my eyes shut as a warm explosion washed over me.
It felt the same way it had in my dreams.
Only better.
I wanted more of those feelings, more of Nikolai. No, not more. All. I needed all of him.