I let go of Maya’s hand and slowly made my way to the front of the large Catholic church. I was still surprised I hadn’t been struck mute for the things I’d done in this life.
Things I’d pay for in the next.
I hadn’t written a speech.
I hoped my words would do her life justice.
“Andi,” I began, my voice never wavering in its strength as I looked out over a crowd of one hundred fifty members of the oldest Italian mafia families in the United States. I wouldn’t blink if someone pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger. I almost expected it, but nobody made any sudden movements.
Perhaps they were that afraid of the Cappo, or that stunned to see me, a Russian, in their precious Catholic church.
“Andi,” I said again. “Was the light in the darkness, the loudness in the silence, the laughter in the wind.” I cleared my throat. “Being with her was experiencing life for the first time, and I know the world is now a darker place without her in it. As a doctor, I blame myself for not having saved her. It’s too easy to get deeply lost in the pride of your abilities until you are faced with something like cancer, something so devastating to the human body that you have no choice but to sit back and watch while it eats away at those you love the most. She died, but her soul lives on in the lives she touched with the five families. She may have had Russian roots, but her blood…” I smiled. “It was Italian, and God, he sees the truth, does he not?” A few chuckles. “Bog vidit pravdu.” He sees the truth, I repeated. “And the truth is that an angel has joined the courts of heavens. Blagosloveniya, Andi. We will miss you.” Blessings, Andi, blessings my dear friend. I kissed my fingers holding the third finger pressed to my thumb, then took my fist and pounded it against my chest. The first was an ancient gesture of blessing, the second, loyalty. She deserved both.
When I took my seat, Maya grabbed my hand and squeezed. How had I thought I could ever continue living without her?
I couldn’t.
Not anymore.
Even if that meant she’d hate me forever.
I loved her enough to want her mind free.
Free to choose me.
Free to curse me.
Just…free.
“You did wonderful,” she whispered in my ear.
“Moy,” I whispered back. “You will always be mine. Thank you for being here.”
“Ah.” She smiled. “I’m getting to ask questions, and now you’re thanking me?”
My lips pressed together to keep from smiling. “Yes well, don’t get used to it.”
“Hard assed Russian,” she joked.
Never letting her go again. My heart beat for her.
Once the funeral procession ended, I made my way over to Sergio to say my goodbyes, and Maya joined me, offering her condolences.
I was suddenly thankful she hadn’t met Phoenix until recently, she would notice a familiarity about him that I wasn’t sure I was yet ready to reveal.
His features would remind her of her own.
Connecting the dots would be unwise.
For many reasons, the main one being that memory too, was locked inside her brain and I knew if that one came undone, everything else would follow.
Clearly sex hadn’t been a huge trigger for her, but the day was emotional and trying. It wasn’t over, and I knew that the more tired she became, the more she would be tempted to let her guard down.
And when the guards of your brain were down.
There was no telling what could enter… or exit.
“A walk.” Phoenix nodded to me. “I’ll have Bee take Maya back to the car.”
I kissed Maya’s hand, and we both waited until she was out of earshot.
“You asked about the whorehouses.” Phoenix slid a piece of paper into my hand. “The ones my father was involved in are long gone, but there are two addresses that haven’t been fully researched… Both are new constructions just outside of Seattle. Sergio hacked the cameras and was able to get a live feed. Seventeen cars in a little over two hours. All businessmen, entering the small temporary building, and then leaving.”
I nodded, and my stomach turned sour. “The girls have been carrying more bruises lately, the sickness starts in sooner than it ever has before. The conditions must be dire.”
“It’s your only lead, but be careful.” Phoenix sighed and looked back toward Maya and Bee. “Petrov won’t like the fact that you’re trying to save Maya and expose him to the feds at the exact same time.”
“Petrov can go to hell.”
Phoenix laughed, “Can’t say that I disagree, but be careful. It’s rarely the first hit that takes down the giant…”
“I don’t mean to destroy him with one hit… I mean to injure him so I can inflict so much pain on his person that he forgets his own name.” I said in a calm voice.
Phoenix’s brows rose. “Alright then, on that note… I’ll leave you to it, if you need a cleanup crew, let us know. It’s the least we can do.”
“Thank you.” I held out my hand.
He shook it. “Doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“Russians and Italians? Don’t make me laugh.” I smirked.
Phoenix bit down on his lip, let out another chuckle then gave me a middle finger salute before walking off.
When I reached the car Maya was yawning into her hand and nervously popping her knuckles.
“So it begins,” I said under my breath.
“Huh?” She popped her right hand then left and as if noticing for the first time she was doing it, she winced. “I’m so sorry, I know you hate that. It’s bad for your joints right?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “And that’s not the reason I hate it.”
“Is it the sound?”
“More of what the sound reminds me of.”
“Cracking joints?”
I stared straight ahead and answered. “The sound of a clock ticking.”
Do not make me kiss and you will not make me sin—Russian Proverb
THE FLIGHT HOME WAS UNEVENTFUL. I kept thinking Nikolai would kiss me but every time I leaned in, he brushed a kiss across my cheek and told me I needed to go to sleep.
“What is with you and sleep?” My eyes watered as I let out a huge yawn and tried to cover it up with the back of my hand.
Nikolai’s eyebrows shot up. “Tired?”
I glared.
With a light laugh he lifted me into his arms and walked me back toward the bedroom. “I’ll sleep right next to you. It’s been a long day. Rest.”
“But I want to kiss.”
“And have you yawn while I give you an orgasm?” he joked, his mouth curved into a gorgeous smile. “Doesn’t really do much for a man’s ego, Maya.”
“Your ego’s just fine, Harvard.”
“I had that coming.”
“You did.”
“Sleep.” He kissed my forehead. “By the time you wake up, we’ll be back in Seattle and you’ll feel rested.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “But don’t leave. I feel safer with you next to me.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said in a tired voice.
“Why?” I flipped over on my side and faced him, tracing the outline of his face with my fingertip. “You would never hurt me.”
“What if I already did? Would you forgive me?”
“But you haven’t.” My head was starting to throb. “You’ve never hurt me, and I don’t believe you’re capable of it.”
“What if I’ve hidden that side from you… stupidly believing that if I had you fall for the man you see in front of you, you’d accept even the darkest of secrets?”
“You told me to sleep, and now you’re talking about secrets.” I shook my head. “Whatever secrets you have, you can trust me.”
“And if my secrets hurt us both?”
“Then we figure them out together.”
“If only…” He sighed, flipping onto his back and putting his arms behind his head. “…it were that simple.”
“But—”
“Rest,” he instructed tapping two fingers to my temples. He was right… I was sleepy. I couldn’t keep my heavy lids open any longer.