I BIT OUT A CURSE AND removed my hand, her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “Am I going crazy? Be honest.”
If only it were that simple, make a simple diagnosis about mental instability, write her a script, and we move on with our lives.
No, her reality was so much more tragic that it hurt my entire being to think about it.
“Nikolai?” She pleaded, her voice small, afraid.
“No.” I sighed, reaching for her hand, intertwining our fingers together. I could feel my heart beating as it thumped against my chest. I exhaled. I inhaled. I exhaled. And when I looked at her? It was as if all natural functions of my body needed more effort. I had to tell myself to breathe, force myself to think straight.
The information Phoenix had given me had been useless. While they’d succeeded in hacking the cameras that Petrov had… they were still having trouble tracking down the actual locations.
Each location researched was a false lead.
Phoenix believed that the actual location was trapped somewhere inside Maya’s head… I agreed with him, because I was the one that closed the door and threw away the key, damn it.
“If I asked you a favor.” I was going to lie to her… again. “But couldn’t tell you why…”
She shrugged. “It would depend on the favor.”
“Maya, I’m very good at what I do, why don’t I allow you to into an altered state of consciousness, and we can talk through the blood, possibly discover why you’re having those visions?”
She frowned. “I don’t know…” Then she looked away. “My father was always really superstitious about hypnotherapy. He said it was the devils work.”
Ironic, that the devil would warn against the devil. “It’s completely safe,” I reassured her. “And I do have an ulterior motive.”
“Oh.” She took a step away. “And what’s that?”
I prepared myself for the lie, forcing my body to relax, allowing an easy smile to cross my face. “Well, Phoenix believes that your father is still keeping girls locked away in whorehouses, but every location we check into is a dead end. By the looks of it, there are still two houses in operation… They were able to hack the live camera feed, but the location is scrambled…”
“And you think I know where it is?” She asked in a doubtful voice. “Look, my father rarely allowed me near any of his businesses, and those were the legal ones… My mom and I were trophies he paraded around at political dinners… we never kept his secrets because we never knew any. He never had a reason to tell them to us.”
I pushed her more. “But, the mind…” I licked my lips, hating myself all over again for trying to manipulate her… but I needed her to say yes… if she said no, I would do it anyway, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go on living knowing everything we had would be based on a lie. I wanted to tell her, and I would, after I destroyed everything, after I gave her a reason to stay.
After I proved that I would fight her father—and win.
“It’s powerful, you may have seen something and not be fully aware.”
Maya held my gaze for a few seconds of silence. “Do you love me?”
That wasn’t what I expected. Not by a long shot. At least in that I could give her an honest answer. “You know I do.”
“Then I trust you.”
She shouldn’t.
Just like she shouldn’t love me.
But I was in too deep, the dark waters washing over me, washing over us… the only way out was to inhale–together.
“Thank you.” I held out my hand again and led her out of the office, on the way out telling my receptionist to hold my messages while I took Maya up to her apartment.
I’d never been nervous about re-entering a person’s mind…. because it was on rare occasions that it happened. I just needed to remember to stick to the box… that was how I brainwashed. I didn’t lock everything away together, but separated it, giving each memory a different trigger.
The main memory was the sex… seeing her father have sex with the prostitutes while men watched.
I needed to bypass that memory in order to get to the previous one, which was, how did she happen upon the whorehouse in the first place? She said she was looking for her father, meaning she knew who to ask and where to drive her brand new car.
“You look nervous.” Maya said in a tight voice then laughed awkwardly. “Should I be worried?”
I smiled confidently. “It will be just like you’ve taken a short nap. I swear it.”
She exhaled once I shoved the key into the lock and let us both into the apartment.
“So, where do I lie down?”
“You stand.”
“What?”
“Kidding.” Her stunned expression was priceless, and it put me at ease, “Why don’t we go into the bedroom?”
Her heels clicked against the marble floor. I followed the sway of her hips as she marched ahead of me then kicked off her heels and lay across the bed, her hair a crowning glory across the pillows.
I was having second thoughts.
Third thoughts.
Maybe fourth thoughts? Was that possible?
“This okay?” She asked, on a swallow.
I closed the door behind me and lowered the lights then cleared my throat. “Perfect, Maya.”
She shivered.
“You’re cold.” I noticed the goose bumps breaking out on her arms, quickly pulled the afghan from the nearby chair and covered her in it. “There’s no need to be nervous… I’ll be quick.”
“Bet you say that to all the girls in bed.” She winked. Her trusting smile nearly did me in.
Nearly.
“Very funny.” I placed my hands on her right arm, on the first cut, the pressure would be familiar… though only in the back of her mind, in the forefront I was simply touching her arm, nothing more. “Now, close your eyes.”
She did as I asked.
“I’m going to count to five, with each ascending number I need you to take a deep breath and exhale, can you do that?”
“Yes.”
“Fantastic,” I lowered my voice. “One.” She inhaled then slowly exhaled. “Two.” She repeated the process. “Keep breathing Maya, I want you to think about your favorite place in the world… I want you to go there, in your mind, right now.” She sighed. “Do you have that place in your mind?”
“Yes.”
“Three… inhale again, exhale slowly.” She followed my instructions. “I want you to sit down in this place, then as you sit, focus on your breathing in and out, in and out… you exist to breathe, you exist to simply be.”
Her body started relaxing, I pressed harder on her arm. “Four… inhale, now exhale. Your body is going to start feeling very heavy, this is normal, the pressure you feel in your arm is like sand getting placed inside your limbs, as I press your arm, imagine sand weighing you down, allowing your body to fully relax against the bed. You’re so relaxed that even your breathing has slowed down, your chest rising and falling with slowness. You feel your heart rate match your breathing as your body gets heavier.” I moved my hand to her chest and pressed down. “And heavier.”
Her breathing slowed.
“Good Maya, you’re doing so well. Remember, you’re in a safe place, nobody can hurt you here. On the count of five I’m going to snap my fingers and you’re going to go into a dreamless sleep, when I snap my fingers twice in a row, you’ll wake up refreshed and energized.” I held my right hand midair, unsure of whether I should proceed. But it was our only hope… discovering where the girls were taken, destroying them before Petrov discovered she was remembering. I had to be one step ahead of him.
“Five.” I whispered then snapped my fingers.
Her body went completely limp.
“It’s the day of your sixteenth birthday,” I whispered. “You’re so excited to meet your friends for the party in downtown Seattle. You want to drive, but your mother said you need to ask your father’s permission first… but you can’t find him, where is he?”
“I don’t know.” Maya said in a clear voice. “I’ve looked everywhere! Texted him, called, everything goes straight to voicemail.”
“What do you do Maya? Can you walk me through it?”
All I needed to know was how she discovered his whereabouts. If I took her too far past that memory we’d meet the next box, where she saw her father at the whorehouse, and all the memories I’d locked away would shatter with that trigger, they were fragile already, too fragile.