I feel the gentle movement of his head against mine. "My father's life is his own too. I hope he spends the rest of it in hell."
Chapter 19
"No one asked you to go see him, Tess." He's on his feet now. "You had no business going there."
The words, although not unexpected, still sting. I wasn't sure how he would react once I told him I had gone to see his father. "I went because of my father. I went because of you too but I had questions about my dad."
His expression softens but his stance doesn't. His arms are crossed over his chest. "I know that your dad's situation has been hard for you but he's been released. He's gone back to his life."
He has. I spoke to my father yesterday and for the most part, he's picking up the pieces of his life again. Some of the friends he made in California after his move there, have stopped returning his calls and he's facing a large legal bill, but other than that, I could hear the joy in his voice.
I'll be visiting him in soon when I fly there with Landon. That is, if Landon and I can get past my latest confession.
"I had to know about the connection between Frederick and my father." I wring my hands together on my lap. "There were so many things that just didn't make sense to me."
"What doesn't make sense to me is why you went there without telling me." He stomps his shoe against the hardwood floor. "I would never have gone to talk to your dad when he was being held in custody without running it by you first."
I have no doubt about that. I've seen the honest parts of Landon. I don't think he's ever held anything back from me and that's been a true gift. I didn't think I could care about a man again after my relationship with Ansel ended, but Landon has opened himself up to me in such a way that I trust each and everything about him. I realize now that I may have risked all of that to get answers to questions that weren't mine to ask in the first place.
"I know that I should have told you."
The look in his eyes is resolute. "Trust has to work both ways. I don't know what happened between you and Ansel, but with me, I don't stick around if trust isn't there."
It's the first time either of us has even hinted at the notion of ending our relationship. The words jar me enough that I'm on my feet. "Please, Landon. Please try and understand."
He swallows hard, his eyes focused on something just over my head. "No one knows what it's like to replay that day over and over again. For almost fifteen years I hated myself for letting go of his hand."
I take a step towards him but his hand flies into the air in a silent gesture to stop me.
"It has taken everything I have inside to forgive myself for letting that man drown."
"I understand," I begin. "I do, but..."
"You don't understand." His eyes finally fall to my face. "He gave me burdens to carry. I wasn't old enough to do that. He changed who I was."
I nod as I feel all of my emotions rushing to the surface. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I don't care what he said to you. I don't want to know any of it."
My fingertips pull on a loose thread on my sweater as I consider his words. "Maybe one day we can talk about it."
"Did he have answers to your questions about your father?" His arms fall to his side. "Was he able to put any of that to rest for you?"
I nod silently.
His hand leaps to my cheek. "I care about you. I think I'm actually falling in love with you. I need to know right if you can put this bullshit between our fathers in our past."
There's nothing I can do to stop the tears. I feel the first as its heat hits my cheek.
"Don't cry." He leans forward to brush his lips against mine. "Give me your future, Tess. Leave your past at the door. I need that."
I push my lips into his again for a deeper kiss. "I can do that. I will do that."
"That's all I've ever needed," he whispers into my skin. "You're all I've ever needed."
Chapter 20
"Fuck." His lips are swollen from when I'd kissed him before he took me to his bed. "Just, fuck."
I'd fallen to my knees the moment our clothes hit the floor. I'd taken his cock between my lips, leveling my tongue against the lush head before I slipped the entire length into my mouth.
I'd groaned as I'd felt it pulse beneath me and when he wrapped my fingers through his fingers, I'd pulled back to look up and into his face.
The mask of pain that was there is gone. It's been replaced by raw lust. His lips are parted slightly, his eyes glazed over and as he watches me slowly slide his cock in and out of my mouth, he says my name as a growl from somewhere deep within him.
"I want to come in your mouth."
The words only push me more. I slide both my hands around him, wanting him to slow his rhythm. He's eager to find his release and all I want is to savor the taste, the scent and the sounds.
"Lean your head back," he says through clenched teeth. "I want to see you take it all."
I tilt my neck back, my hands still clinging to his dense flesh.
He pulses his hips quickly. It's so unexpected that I gag when the tip of his cock reaches my throat.
"You can take it, Tess." His words are harsh and lust-filled. "Relax and show me."
I nod. I want to give this to him. I can sense that he needs to feel as intimately connected to me, as I need to feel the same with him.
"It's so good." His eyes fall closed under heavy lashes. "Suck it like that. Just like that."
I up the pace. The sounds coming from my mouth speak of the intense need I have to taste what he's going to offer to me.
I grab hold of his ass, pushing him into me. I want to take it all.
I pull back and he groans. His fingers pull on my hair so harshly that I whimper.
"Don't stop, Tess. Don't."
I lick the full length, slowly savoring each ridge and swollen vein.
"I'll never stop," I whisper as I rest my lips against his groin. "I love this. I love it."
His moans fill the quiet space as I race my tongue over the tip before I slide him back into my mouth. I suck loudly, without abandon until he tenses and every last drop of his desire falls onto my tongue.
***
"Please tell me you liked that as much as I did."
I turn over to look at him. His hair is a mess, his face covered with my wetness. He'd eaten me to my own release after he'd pulled me to my feet and pushed me onto the bed.
I'd covered myself with my hands. I hadn't wanted anything in return. I just wanted to rest in his arms but he was insatiable. He'd pulled my legs over his shoulders, scooped my ass into his hands and devoured me until I screamed and came on his face.
I run the pad of my thumb over his lips. "I love everything we do together."
"I want to do more of that." He motions towards where his cock is pressed against my hip. "I want to do more of everything with you."
"Me too."
"You changed my life." His breath floats over my cheek. "I knew you were special when I first saw you but you've completely changed my life."
He's done the same for me. It has nothing to do with my finding out about my father's past or the things that happened before I stepped onto that plane in Milan. He's shown me what it really feels like to be wanted by a man.