I would get over it. I did not want to lose Raymond's friendship. I liked his company. With him I had spent the happiest days I had known since Philip had gone. I was foolish to turn away from what could be great happiness.
I should let common sense prevail in time, but just at present I could not say a word.
There was disappointment in the house. I sensed it. And for that reason I was rather glad that we were leaving on the following day.
Granny M came into my room after we had retired that night.
I was brushing my hair when she came and going over the events of the day in my mind. I could hear the chatter at dinner, see the smiles, feel the expectancy.
Dinner over and there was no announcement—only talk of our departure next day. It was an anticlimax.
Granny M seated herself in a chair and characteristically came to the point.
"I thought Raymond was going to ask you to marry him."
"He did."
"And you refused!"
"Well, not exactly. I couldn't say Yes. I wonder if I ever shall."
"My dear girl, you must be crazy."
I shook my head. "I have really ... asked for time."
"Time! You're not a child any more."
"Dear Granny, I am well aware of encroaching age."
"Don't talk nonsense. Tell me what happened."
"He asked me and I just said I couldn't. Granny, I want to tell you something. It's the journal."
"The journal! You mean Ann Alice's?"
"Yes. I have made a most extraordinary discovery. The grandmother was telling me about the family. She was a Miss Gilmour, and she married a Billington. That was when the family name changed."
"A Miss Gilmour!"
"You remember Lois Gilmour in the journal. She was Raymond's grandmother's grandmother. Her father was Freddy ... the boy Lois Gilmour brought into the Manor."
"I can't believe it."
"It seemed an extraordinary coincidence at first. But when you think of it, you realize how easily it could have happened. Freddy was always interested in Mallory maps, wasn't he? Ann Alice mentioned it. He must have gone into the profession when he grew up. I daresay he was brought up away from the Mallorys. I have come to the conclusion that that must have been how it happened. Charles Mallory came back. He wasn't drowned after all. He must have settled in the Manor and taken over. What happened to Lois? We don't know. Perhaps she left when Charles came home. I wonder whether Freddy
remained. In any case he became a cartographer, which was natural as he had seen so much of it during his childhood."
"And we have met... like this!"
"Well, that again is understandable. When you consider, you can see it has come about quite naturally. We are all in the same business. People come from all over the country to attend conferences. I daresay most of the leading cartographers in the country and elsewhere are present. It is not so surprising that we met. When you look at it like that it is not so much of a coincidence."
"No," said Granny slowly. "But all that happened long ago."
"I know, but ... I have a strange feeling about Ann Alice. I have ... ever since I discovered her grave. You see, I was the one destined to find it. I was the one to see the journal first. I sometimes feel that I am part of her, that she and I are one."
"I never heard such nonsense," said Granny M. "But I see what you mean about the gathering of map makers and how it is perfectly natural that as we attend these meetings we encounter people of our profession. Well, so you think Raymond has descended from that Lois Gilmour..."
"There isn't a doubt of it. It's all there. The family, the timing, and the fact that Lois Gilmour became Mrs. Mallory."
"What did you tell the grandmother?"
"That we were the Mallorys and Lois Gilmour's second marriage was to an ancestor of ours. I did not say that there was no first husband and that Freddy's father was a murderer."
"All this doesn't make Raymond our flesh and blood."
"Of course not. But the connection is there and Desmond Featherstone ... that monster... was his ancestor."
"Did you mention what was in the journal?"
"No, indeed I did not."
"Don't. I daresay if we looked back into our histories we'd find rogues and scoundrels. And it is better not to know about them. That Featherstone was a most unpleasant villain—unless Ann Alice was romancing. How do we know that she didn't invent the whole thing?"
"But she died ... that night. The room was walled up. I know she was telling the truth. She was writing down what she saw... and heard. That comes through very clearly. It is nonsense to suggest she was making it up."
"All right. It wouldn't be very pleasant to be confronted by the fact that your great-great-grandparents were murderers. I should say nothing to anyone about what you have read in the journal. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the present time."
"I know that's so, but I can't help thinking of that man Desmond Featherstone. When I look at Raymond, I see him. That is why I could not say I would marry him. I can't forget that those two were Raymond's great-great-grandparents."
Granny shook her head. "It's the shock," she said. "That's what it is. It was all so unexpected ... discovering that. You'll get over it. It's disappointing to us all, but it will do no harm to wait awhile. You'll see what's right in time." She kissed me. "I'm glad you told me. Get a good night's sleep. We'll be off early in the morning."
But I could not sleep. I was haunted by strange, wild dreams. I was in that room... the room which had been shut for nearly a hundred years. My door was locked. There was an enormous key in the door. I heard footsteps on the stairs. Someone was trying the door. I kept my eyes on the key. The door was fast shut. But there was a loud noise and the door burst open. A man was coming in. It was Raymond. I cried out in joy and held out my arms to him, but as he came towards me, his face changed. It was the face of Desmond Featherstone. I screamed as he came close.
And my scream awakened me.
I stared into the darkness.
If I married him I should have dreams like that. I should be looking for that evil man in my husband.
I was afraid to sleep in case the dream came back. However, I dozed and when I awoke it was to find the maid in my room with hot water.
It was time to get up.
How different everything was by daylight! I remembered where I was and that this happy visit had come to an end. The thought saddened me. It ought to have been so different.
I was going to miss Raymond very much.
I had been foolish, I thought. In time I would see everything differently. Then all would be well, and I should banish my foolish imaginings forever.
AMSTERDAM
Arriving home was rather depressing. There was no news from Philip. The house seemed very quiet. Granny M remarked on it. "It's after that house full of family," she said. "They are a very happy group. There is something about a big family. I wish we could hear from Philip and I wish your father would come home."
I went to my room and unpacked my things and as I hung them up I thought of the occasions when I had worn them, sitting down to dinner, joining in the talk at the table.
Yes, our house did seem quiet, I wished I were back there. I had never before noticed how quiet we were. When Philip had been with us it had been more lively. Now we were back to the longing for him, very conscious of the void his absence made in our lives.
We were back with memories of him, with watching every day for the news which did not come.
I wished we were still with the Billingtons. I had been foolish. I should have agreed to marry Raymond. I must love him for I missed him so much. When I was in that house I had ceased to think continually of Philip and had been able to forget him for certain periods of time. Now all the longing to see him, the anxiety, had returned.