He took the pins out of my hair and put them in his pocket which I thought fleetingly was rather a practical thing to do. I should need to put my hair up before I returned to Cariba. The thought crossed my mind that he had probably done this before.
He said: "You look beautiful."
I replied: "How many women have you brought to this island ... to this canoe?"
"You have the honour of being the first and I swear here that there shall never be another. Perhaps you and I will make a pilgrimage here before we leave for England. We will remember this night... the true beginning."
"The beginning of what?" :« "Of shared love."
"So you think that the seduction will be completed tonight?"
"It's an ideal spot. Very romantic really if you don't mind being a little cramped, and it may be that the canoe lacks that pristine brightness which it must once have had. Outside the gentle swishing of the waves on the sand and about us the gentle Heavensent mist."
"No," I said.
"No?"
"I don't want that."
"My dearest Annalice, do you think I don't know you'.' You do.
You love me... you want me absolutely ... as I want you. And you have for a long time."
"I have explained to you that I am almost engaged to someone else."
"After tonight you will realize that is quite out of the question."
I ignored that remark and said: "This smells of the sea."
"What did you expect it to smell of? The perfumes of Araby?"
He was beside me and his arms were about me.
"I want you to listen to me," I said.
"I am listening."
"I realize I am here at your mercy. You are physically stronger than I. If I resist you can overcome me. Is that what you intend to do?"
"You will come to me willingly."
"Yes," I said, "or not at all."
"But since you admit to my superior strength, how could I fail?"
"You could have a temporary success if you forced me. That would be rape."
"That is the technical term."
"I should never forget it and never forgive it. You might get temporary satisfaction but that would tell me what I have been trying to discover for a long time."
"You don't mean that."
"I swear that I do. I would leave at once. I would take Felicity with me. I would tell her what had happened. I believe that if she feels she has to look after me she would regain her strength. She would understand. Similar things happened to her. She had no redress. She happened to be married to her brute. I am free and I will come to you willingly ... not on a makeshift bed because the opportunity was there, but because I want to, because it is of my own free will."
He kissed me gently. "Yes," he said. "Go on."
"This is a night for the truth, is it not?"
"It is."
"I will explain. I think I am in love with you. I want to be with you. I think I am happier with you than anywhere else. But I did care for Raymond Billington. He is quite unlike you... self-effacing almost, selfless. You are not like that."
"More human" he said.
"Indeed yes. You stride in and take what you want. You can take me now but that means you will lose me forever."
He said: "It wouldn't be like that. I would show you what joy we could give each other. I would make you see how well we suit each other. I would show you that we could have a lifetime of happiness together."
"How well do you know me?"
"Very well indeed. That is why I love you, because I know you so well and that tells me you are the one for me."
"Then if you know me well you will know my pride. I would not submit to you. I would come willingly or not at all. You see, I was with Felicity in that dreadful house where she suffered nightly. She was not the only one who was affected by what happened there. I was, too. And I know that when I married or loved a man I would never submit. I would be his equal. I would not be forced ... as Felicity was. Do you understand?"
"Yes," he said. "Go on."
"I think I want to be with you more than anyone. But there is Raymond. I know Raymond well. He is gentle and kind. I think I could be happy with him. There would not be the excitement I should know with you. I am fully aware of that. It would be even... no heights... no depths..."
"Which you would find excessively dull."
"Not dull. Just pleasant... sailing along on an even keel."
"Squalls come along on the smoothest seas. Mists..."
"Yes, I know, but Raymond could be relied on."
"And I should not be."
"I should never be sure. You have known many women, I don't doubt."
"And Raymond has been completely chaste, of course. The perfect knight. Was it Galahad? I expect he is sitting at home polishing his holy grail and not worrying about what is happening to you."
I couldn't help laughing. "That is ridiculous," I said.
"It is your fault for introducing such a paragon on such a night as this."
"And don't forget," I reminded him, "I came out here for a purpose. I want to find my brother. I have an extraordinary feeling that I am going to solve the mystery."
"You are still thinking of the stranger on Lion Island."
"Yes," I answered. "I am."
"And where does he come in?"
"It is so strange. Sometimes I feel I am really Ann Alice ... that she is part of me. That she lives again through me."
"You were bemused by this man. Do you know, I think he is more dangerous than the saintly Raymond."
I was silent. Was he? Here was I lying in a canoe with this man whose very presence excited me and it was as though Ann Alice was there with me, putting words into my mouth ... telling me that 1 must keep myself chaste as she was ... so that when the time came for her
to marry Magnus Perrensen she could go to him as a bride should. But she had died. It was as though she had chosen me to play out the life which had been denied her.
"You have some very strange ideas," he said, kissing my forehead.
"I have been truthful to you. You were Magda Manuel's lover, were you not?"
He hesitated. Then he said: "She was lonely and there she was up there... her husband an invalid. I used to go often. We became very friendly."
"And the husband?"
"I think he knew."
"I see ... a convenient arrangement."
"It was not meant to be a match, you know. I was still waiting for you to come along. It is a pity you delayed so long."
"I think she resents me."
"Oh no. Magda is a woman of the world. She understood. There was never a question of marriage between us."
"But you were in love with each other?"
"It depends on what you mean by being in love. We liked each other. We were good for each other. We suited each other. We're the best of friends. I'd do a great deal for Magda."
"You see ... how I feel."
"You are hemmed in with conventions. It is not quite the same out here as it is at home. Maybe it is the climate. I am sure you will understand."
"And you and Magda now?"
"It's over."
"I don't think it is for her."
"I know her well ..."
"She seems mysterious, secretive."
"That is because you are looking at her in a certain way. You don't like me to have been fond of any other woman... even before I met you. I like that. It comforts me."
I was silent and he held me against him, kissing my face gently. I thought: He really loves me. And I wished I could turn to him and tell him that I wanted to be everything to him ... to stay with him forever. I almost did. I had only to say the word. It rested with me. I was happy that that was so. And I wanted to say that word... and yet, I was held back by forces I did not fully understand.
We lay there ... close, for a long time. His arms were about me comfortingly.
I shall never forget it—the gentle sound of the water outside the hut ... the silence ... the comfort ... the knowledge that he loved me