I pull back and wipe my face with my hand. “You don’t think he’s just using me for sex?”
Max shakes his head. “Jackson was the one that was doing that, not Trip. If he were just using you he wouldn’t have stuck around as long as he has, not to mention kicking Jackson’s ass to help me out. Do you know how big of a risk that was for him to do that for me? He risked being exposed to save me from a beating, and he didn’t even hesitate. If the press gets a hold of what happened it could trash his reputation and get him labeled as a loose cannon. That’s a good man in my book.”
This is true. Jackson would never have stuck his neck out for a friend of mine like Trip did, and we were together for two years. It still doesn’t answer the lingering question in my gut. “But he’s a fucking rock star. What in the hell is he doing wasting his time with me? He can have any woman he wants.”
Max gives me a sad smile and touches the underside of my chin. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, blondie. You’re an incredible person. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and have one hell of a mouth on you. If I were straight, believe me, I’d be chasing you like crazy.”
I laugh. “If you were straight, I doubt you’d be this sweet.”
He chuckles. “You’re right. I’d probably gross you out on a daily basis with my tactics to get into your pants.”
“Eww,” I say and shake my head. “Don’t ever insinuate you want to get into my pants again. It’s creepy.”
“Deal.” He pulls back and smiles. “You ready to go home now?”
I lean my back against the seat. “Yeah. I need to get to the bottom of everything.”
“Things will work out, Holl. Have faith.”
Max hugs me goodbye and wishes me luck as he pulls up next to my house.
I shut the car door behind me and stare up at the house I’ve lived in all my life. The light is on in the living room. Dad is no doubt waiting to hear about the details of what happened down at the police station. He has no idea that the scrap that took place here today won’t be the main topic of our conversation when I come home.
If what Grace says is true, I’m not sure how I’m going to react. The thought of my father not being on this earth anymore is something I can fathom.
I glance around as Max pulls out of the driveway. The Mustang isn’t here, which is a relief. I don’t think I can deal with both issues at once.
I force myself up the steps and onto the porch. The doorknob is smooth in my grasp, but I can’t bring myself to turn it. Fear engulfs every inch of me and I begin to tremble. Turning around and avoiding the entire situation crosses my mind, but I know I can’t let this go forever. It’s not in my nature to move on without resolving an issue.
Before I have the chance to open the door on my own, Dad opens it from the inside. “Holly?” His eyes search the gravel lot behind me. “Honey, why are you just standing out there all alone? Where are Trip and Max?”
“Max gave me a ride home and I’m not sure where Trip is.” I stare over his shoulder into the house, and suddenly the thought of being cornered in there, hearing some possible life-shattering information, seems too much. I gesture to the bench seat on the porch. “Can we sit?”
“Sure.” Dad steps outside, concern written all over his pale face. The shadows created from the porch light make his cheekbones seem even more sunken. My eyes study his unsteady gait as he walks over and takes a seat.
He’s definitely weaker than I’ve ever seen him. I think deep down I stopped believing this was the flu a couple of months ago. No ordinary cold lasts this long. To be honest I was afraid he had cancer. Never in a million years did the idea that he might have a terminal illness that resulted from a sexually transmitted disease. But, I guess most people wouldn’t consider that.
I walk over and take a seat next to him so I can position myself to look directly into his eyes. “I saw Mom down at the station.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Oh? What was she doing down there?”
I take a deep breath. “She was getting booked again, but that’s not what I—”
“Damn it,” Dad mutters. “I told her I was out of money to bail her out. I’m going to have to figure out a way to get her out of there.”
Just like Grace predicted. “Would you listen to yourself? Why can’t you just leave her in there? She’s exactly where she needs to be—a place where she can’t hurt herself or someone else. Grace needs to stay in there and get help.”
Dad shakes his head. “We’ve been over this before, honey. I can’t leave her in there.”
“Why?” I challenge him, wanting him to admit what I already know is likely to be true. “Why is she your responsibility to take care of?”
“Holly…” his voice trails off like he would like nothing better than for me to drop the topic.
“No, Dad. I’m tired of her using you and getting away with it. She’s ruined this track with her constant need for money for her habit and when she gets locked up for them. I want you to stop saving her,” I demand.
“I can’t!” His eyes grow wide like he can’t believe he just yelled at me. “Don’t you see that I can’t?”
Tears burn my eyes and I fear that Grace’s lies maybe the truth. “No. Tell me it’s not true.”
Dad’s blue eyes soften. “Did she tell you?”
My bottom lip trembles and my entire body begins to shakes. “So it’s true. You really have.”
“Yes. I’m HIV positive,” he says and his face twists.
“No.” I shake my head furiously as my body grows numb. “No! Why did you allow her to give this to you? How could she do this?”
I break out into a full sob as I clutch my throat. That selfish bitch. She can rot in that cell for all I care.
Dad grasps my hand in his. “We didn’t know she had it until it was too late. She contracted it after she had an affair when you were just a toddler. We were still together at the time, and she wasn’t aware that she had it. After the doctors told her she was HIV positive, she left us. Your mother has had to live with the fact that she’s given us both a death sentence because of sleeping with someone outside our marriage. The day Grace left, she told me looking at you everyday was more than she could take. She knew you’d lose both your parents because of her stupidity. That’s why she got herself mixed up in drugs. Not that I condone her method of dealing with our reality, but I understand why she does it. The guilt takes a toll.”
Tears stream down my face. This isn’t happening to me. When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?
Dad squeezes my hand. “I know this is all hard for you to understand because you only know her as this low-life drug addict, but she loves you, Holly. She always has. She begged to come back home so many times, but I always refused because she couldn’t give the drugs up.”
“Did she even try,” I whisper.
A solemn expression fills his face. “Many times. Grace was never one with strong enough willpower to resist something she really wants.”
I search his face. “Why didn’t you tell me once I was old enough to understand?”
“I didn’t want you to know about our health condition. I didn’t want you to live in constant fear that we were going to die. It’s tough being a kid. You didn’t need this burden on your shoulders too. I love you, Holly. I’ll always want to protect you.”
I throw my arms around his neck. The bones in his thin shoulder press against my hands. He’s lived with this secret while it’s slowly been killing him before my eyes. I wish he would’ve told me about this, but I’m not sure knowing earlier would’ve made this any easier. All I can do is cherish every single day I have left with him on this earth. “I love you too, Dad.”