“So, how are you really doing?”
Could she answer without answering? Beth opened her mouth and her mom cut her off.
“Sweetie, don’t try to pull a fast one on me either. I had enough of your lies during the time you were married to Samuel. I’m not going to let you slip one past me again.”
The pain in her mother’s eyes was real. “Mom, none of what happened to me was your fault.”
“Well, it wasn’t yours either, but you still had to go through it. The fact you didn’t tell any of us that Samuel had changed so much over the years—”
“Mom.” Beth rose, ready to escape, but her mom laid a hand on her arm.
“Stay. I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again. I need to know…are you doing okay? The boys talked through the meal about friends at school and all kinds of things they’ve been enjoying. Sounds as if they’ve settled into the community the way you hoped.”
The boys rambling during dinner had been a saving grace. She hadn’t been forced to add anything to the conversation, just smile and pass the food from one side of the table to the other. Her big happy family. Grandma and Grandpa doting on the boys, and her sister and her new boyfriend laughing together about something. Beth managed to ignore the happiness radiating from Darleen like a neon light.
She thought she’d had love in the beginning with Samuel.
“Rocky’s been good. In some ways the fire in the apartment house was a blessing since the house where we ended up has been fabulous to live in. I’m not looking forward to having to move again in a few months.”
Her mom spoke firmly. “I think you should ask for an extension. Wait until the spring to move. Shifting stuff in the winter isn’t a lot of fun.”
Beth shook her head. “Us living there has already put the older Coleman boys into a tough situation. I’m grateful for how giving the whole family has been, but I don’t want to take advantage of their goodwill.”
“You know, there’s times it’s not goodwill or charity, it’s because people can see it’s the right thing to do. Have you thought of that?”
The sad part was her mom was probably right. Mike had already told her there was no rush for her to move, but she still felt uncomfortable.
Her mom folded her hands in her lap. “Tell me about Daniel. The boys seem to think a lot of him. He’s an instructor at the swimming pool, right?”
Beth snorted. “Where’d you get that idea?” Daniel would get a kick out his new profession.
“The boys said he takes them swimming every Saturday. I figured they were in lessons or something.” Her mom’s eyes narrowed and Beth blushed. “He’s not an instructor. Beth, are you seeing someone?”
“No.” The word shot out so fast she surprised herself.
Mom raised a brow. “Okay.”
“I’m not.” Her cheeks heated even more, and she scrambled for what to say to throw her suddenly very attentive mother off the track.
“All right. Relax. If you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine. But I was going to remind you that if at some point you get involved with someone and need a few days alone, you give me a call. Grandma has wheels and loves to travel.”
She forced her mouth closed. In spite of the fact her mother was close to the truth, Beth had no desire to confess anything quite yet. “Mom, what do you think I’m doing out in Rocky Mountain House?”
“Hopefully you’re starting to live a little again. Doctor said you could leave the brace off more often, right?”
“What does my brace have to do with…?” Beth bit her lips. She was not going to continue this conversation. She was twenty-nine years old and talking about sex with her mother had stopped when she was sixteen.
Mom rose and grabbed the coffeepot, refilling both their cups. She sat back down and let out a huge sigh. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m going to talk and you can listen. Honey, you lived with an abusive man for ten years and kept it from us for most of that time. Now that he’s gone, you’ve been making changes I think most women with your history would be afraid to attempt. You’re taking charge of your life and trying to make sure you’ve got nothing but the best happening for your boys.”
Her mom reached over and clasped their hands together. “I applaud your decision to make a fresh start in a small town, even though it means you and the boys are farther away from me. I want to help, okay? I love you, and you deserve to smile again like you used to when you were young. You are one of the strongest people I know, no matter what Samuel used to tell you. You are beautiful and trustworthy and valuable, and I’m very, very proud of you.”
Beth watched with tear-filled eyes as her mom squeezed her fingers then fussed at the table for a moment before sipping from her coffee cup. Silence surrounded them as Beth took her time to process what her mom had shared. The shattered pieces of the past had cut everyone involved, and the lacerations went far and deep.
“You’re proud of me?” She sniffed and wiped her mouth, taking a deep breath to slow her pounding heart.
Her mom nodded. “Very.”
Beth closed her eyes and soaked in the familiar sounds of family. The boys’ laughter, their Grandpa’s deeper boom and the noise of the television mixed together and poured from the room next door in a kind of harmonic soundtrack to her life.
Her world had changed so much from the rose-coloured future she’d imagined as a newlywed. Samuel’s demands rose so slowly that she wasn’t even aware he was abusing her. Controlling her, yes, then making her dread making a mistake. He’d never physically threatened the boys, but they had quickly learned when it was time to stay out of sight and sound of their father.
And when the day came he finally hit her…
Beth stared out the window. There were a few leaves left clinging to the branches. Brown dead things swinging in the breeze. She was tired of being dead.
Daniel made her feel alive.
“Daniel is…” She puffed air, her bangs wiggling. “He’s special.” Beth lifted her gaze to see her mom smiling, the corners of her mouth twisted a tiny bit.
“You seeing him?”
Beth shook her head at first then grudgingly shrugged. “Kind of. He’s been around a fair bit. Supportive, caring, fabulous with the boys.”
“Good looking?”
“Oh, Mom, you want a physical dossier?”
Her mom grinned. “Why yes, yes I would. So if he’s not an instructor at the pool, what’s he do?”
“He’s one of the Coleman boys, from the ranch next door.”
The smile on her mom’s face faded. “Oh.”
Beth frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Mom wiggled her nose. “I see why you said you felt as if you were taking advantage of them.” She took another drink before putting the cup down firmly. “Still, there’s nothing wrong with it. You feel…comfortable around him?”
Beth flushed at the thought of the last time they were together. Comfortable? Oh yeah. She dragged her mind out of the gutter and concentrated on what her mom was really asking.
“I took it slow at first, only seeing him in public, but he’s been nothing but trustworthy. He’s actually very gentle. It’s kind of confusing. Even when Samuel was nice, you know at the beginning, he always added that underlying ‘I’m the man, you’re the woman, my way or the highway’ component to our relationship.”
“Daniel doesn’t do that?”
Beth hesitated. “He’s confident, and a naturally take charge kind of guy, but I never feel as if he’s pushing too hard. It’s like what he wants the most is what I want.”
Her mom made one of those hmm type sounds. “Then I’m going to be even nosier and ask. If you feel comfortable around him, are you planning on giving him a real chance? Or is this going to be something that you need more time on?” She shook her finger in Beth’s direction. “Don’t make that face at me. You know what I’m talking about. After all those years fighting, striving to keep your identity when all Samuel wanted to do was make you into the image he wanted to see…it’s got to be hard to know when you can really trust a person.”