She threw him a dirty look. “You’re not helping, Jesse.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Yeah, well, the truth sucks.” Travis plopped down on a bale.
“So, what do we do now?” Jaxi asked. “I can’t stick around and force your family apart.”
“What?” Protests rose from all the brothers.
Jaxi drew away from Blake slowly, shaking her head as she hugged her arms around her body. “Your family has been rock solid for years. There’s no way I’m willing to come in and screw it up. It was never my intention to mess with anyone’s life. I committed to help Marion, but I’ll make sure I stay away from all of you. I can drive out early every morning and stay—”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jesse stepped forward, a scowl covering his face. “You’re not going anywhere. Is she, Blake?”
She sure as hell wasn’t, but turning into a caveman right now wasn’t what she needed. The hurt in her eyes, the fear hovering around her, broke his heart and he wanted to wrap her up and protect her from any more chaos. Like a bird on the verge of taking flight, he caught her to him gently, cradling her against his torso. “You and me need to talk, Slick, but let’s finish this off once and for all. Jesse, you got a problem with me and Jaxi being together?”
Jesse paused, his tightly coiled body poised before them, his hair and eyes wild. “You really want him, don’t you, Jaxi?”
Her blonde head bobbed, and Jesse breathed long and hard before raising his gaze to meet Blake’s. “No problems. You’re a lucky man, and you’d better treat her right.”
He blew a gentle kiss toward Jaxi, squared his shoulders and left the barn.
Travis still sprawled on the bale. Dark eyes flicked between Jaxi and Blake, and he answered grudgingly. “I’ve got no problems with it either. I’m sorry I was such a fool, both now and years ago.” He stood and shuffled toward the door. “I’m not going to lie and say everything is wonderful and I’m happy for you and all that shit. It hurts, burns like a brand inside me, but maybe a little time will help. I’m jealous as hell.”
He stopped and chewed on his lip for minute before raising storm-filled eyes to meet Jaxi’s. “Thanks for not saying anything. Someday…but not yet.”
“I know, Travis. When you’re ready.” Angel-soft words, tender.
Travis strode away, leaving Blake alone with Jaxi as she shivered in his arms.
Chapter Fifteen
For long minutes Blake held Jaxi close, the familiar scent of the straw and the tack and the earth itself easing away the frustration and tension of the last hour. Whatever secret Jaxi and Travis shared, it was staying that way for now.
He wasn’t sure he was upset about that either. It seemed there was a lot about Jaxi that was still a mystery. He hadn’t realized how much she’d impacted Travis, how involved Jesse had become while Blake stubbornly pushed her away. His father had been the one to point out her training, and only recently had Blake noticed the way the community rallied around her and looked to her for help.
The bigger question was, did he really know the woman he had fallen in love with?
Blake knew he would work the Coleman ranch after his father. Had always known as the eldest son he had the privilege and responsibility to keep the family together and strong, leading them into the future. For the first time the picture looked a lot larger than just deciding what crops to plant in what fields and when to buy and sell stock. The family needed him to set the pace inside the home as well. Something his father had demonstrated by doing what was right even when it was tough.
A deep sense of remorse hit him. It appeared as if he’d fallen short on his calling in more ways than one.
He stroked his hands over Jaxi’s hair, loving the way she fit against his body perfectly. Loving the smell and the feel and the rightness of her in his arms. There was nothing wrong with their bodies’ reaction to each other, but that was another problem, another mistake he had made. He had let his body dictate his reactions since the beginning of this relationship with Jaxi. First in wanting her and refusing to deal with that truth properly, then giving in too quickly.
After approaching the whole situation wrong, now he would have to pay the price to make things right. He needed to step back so they could progress forward together properly.
Damn, he wanted her. But he wanted what was best for her even more.
Blake cupped her face in his hands and gently kissed her. Sweetly. When she would have crowded against him and offered more he resisted, holding himself back. It might kill him, but it needed to be done.
“Jaxi, we need a breather. I think what we’ve got happening between us is what we’ve both wanted for a long time, but we need to be sure.” He led her to a bale, then sat across from her to watch her face. Watch the expressions that flitted there for him to see plain as day. The fear written all over her was strong enough to choke off his throat. “Hey. Don’t look like that. I’m not letting you leave the family because you think you’re tearing us apart. We had a misunderstanding as brothers. It’s not the first time, and it’s probably not the last. We’ll get over it and move on.”
Her misery twisted into a small smile. “You guys are good at fighting.”
He nodded, dropping his volume. Trying to put what ached inside him into words. “And I’m not calling us off as a couple—just changing the pace. We’re both guilty of moving too slow for many years, and now we’ve rushed like a Chinook blasting through the area.”
She took in a quick breath, shaky with laughter. “Yeah, that kind of fits. But—Chinook winds blow through fast, and then they’re gone.”
“Oh, hell, I don’t mean that at all. With all my heart I want this to be a forever thing between you and me.”
Jaxi waited. He touched his knuckle to her cheek. “So…I’m going to court you. I’m going to woo you.”
“But I’m already…” She raised a shoulder. “Seems as if you should already know how I feel about you. I told you straight out that I love you. Wooing seems like something you need to do with another woman, not me.”
He clasped her hand in his. “You’ve spent years imagining me the way you wanted, while I was too scared to even be around you for fear of how I’d react. I don’t agree you’ve had enough time to see the real me.”
“I know what you’re like, Blake, I know what kind of man you are.” Jaxi insisted.
“Do you? We haven’t done things together on a regular basis since you were about sixteen. Since I decided having you around me was dangerous.”
A flicker of confusion passed over her face. “Dangerous?”
He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles, his tongue stroking between her fingers. “Uh-huh, way too risky. You weren’t ready for me and I wasn’t ready for you.”
He turned her palm over and pressed a kiss to the center before folding her fingers tight, closing his hand over hers.
“Go on.”
“My idea isn’t something you’ll dislike, Jaxi. I’m talking about spending time together to play and work and just be. I want you to be sure this is real, that it’s not something you’ve dreamed about for so many years you risk everything to see the dream come true.”
She stared at him with those big eyes of hers, silence all around them. His stomach tightened. What if after everything, she decided she didn’t want him? What if giving her time meant in the end he would lose her?
Even though the thought made his gut ache, he realized he loved her enough that he’d give her up. He would miss a piece of his heart forever but if she needed something other than him, he’d let her go.