The cartoon planet’s not in evenings, maybe because it’s dark and they don’t have lamps there. I choose a cooking tonight, it’s not like real food, they don’t have any cans. The she and the he smile at each other and do a meat with a pie on top and green things around other green things in bunches. Then I switch over to the fitness planet where persons in underwear with all machines have to keep doing things over and over, I think they’re locked in. That’s over soon and it’s the knockerdowners, they make houses into different shapes and also millions of colors with paint, not just on a picture but all over everything. Houses are like lots of Rooms stuck together, TV persons stay in them mostly but sometimes they go in their outsides and weather happens to them.
“What if we put the bed over there?” says Ma.
I stare at her, then I look where she’s pointing. “That’s TV Wall.”
“That’s just what we call it,” she says, “but the bed could probably fit there, between the toilet and . . . we’d have to shift the wardrobe over a bit. Then the dresser would be right here instead of the bed, with the TV on top of it.”
I’m shaking my head a lot. “Then we couldn’t see.”
“We could, we’d be sitting right here in the rocker.”
“Bad idea.”
“OK, forget it.” Ma folds her arms tight.
The TV woman is crying because her house is yellow now. “Did she like it brown better?” I ask.
“No,” says Ma, “she’s so happy it’s making her cry.”
That’s weird. “Is she happysad, like you get when there’s lovely music on TV?”
“No, she’s just an idiot. Let’s switch the TV off now.”
“Five more minutes? Please?”
She shakes her head.
“I’ll do Parrot, I’m getting even better.” I listen hard to the TV woman. I say, “Dream come to life, I have to tell you Darren it’s just beyond my very wildest imaginings, the cornices—”
Ma hits the off. I want to ask her what a cornices is but I think she’s still cranky about moving the furniture, that was a crazy plan.
In Wardrobe I should be going to sleep but I’m counting fights. That’s three we had in three days, one about the candles and one about Mouse and one about Lucky. I’d rather be four again if five means fighting all the days.
“Good night, Room,” I say very quiet. “Good night, Lamp and Balloon.”
“Good night, stove,” says Ma, “and good night, table.”
I’m grinning. “Good night, Wordy Ball. Good night, Fort. Good night, Rug.”
“Good night, air,” says Ma.
“Good night, noises everywhere.”
“Good night, Jack.”
“Good night, Ma. And Bugs, don’t forget the Bugs.”
“Night-night,” she says, “sleep tight, don’t let the bugs bite.”
When I wake up, Skylight’s all blue in her glass, there’s no snow left even in the corners. Ma’s sitting in her chair holding her face, that means hurting. She’s looking at something on Table, two things.
I jump up and grab. “It’s a jeep. A remote-control jeep!” I’m zooming it in the air, it’s red, as big as my hand. The remote is silver and a rectangle, when I wiggle one of the switches with my thumb the jeep’s wheels spin zhhhhung.
“It’s a late birthday present.”
I know who brung it, it’s Old Nick but she won’t say.
I don’t want to eat my cereal but Ma says I can play with the jeep again right after. I eat twenty-nine of them, then I’m not hungry anymore. Ma says that’s waste, so she eats the rest.
I figure out to move Jeep just with Remote. The thin silver antenna, I can make it really long or really short. One switch makes Jeep go forward and backward, the other does side to side. If I flip both the same time, Jeep gets paralyzed like by a poison dart, he says argbbbbbb.
Ma says she’d better start cleaning because it’s Tuesday. “Gently,” she says, “remember it’s breakable.”
I know that already, everything’s breakable.
“And if you keep it turned on for a long time the batteries will get used up, and we don’t have any spares.”
I can make Jeep go all around Room, it’s easy except at the edge of Rug, she gets curled up under his wheels. Remote is the boss, he says, “Off you go now, you slowcoach Jeep. Twice around that Table leg, lickety-split. Keep those wheels turning.” Sometimes Jeep is tired, Remote turns his wheels grrrrrrrrr. That naughty Jeep hides in Wardrobe but Remote finds him by magic and makes him zoom back and forward crashing into the slats.
Tuesdays and Fridays always smell of vinegar. Ma’s scrubbing under Table with the rag that used to be one of my diapers I wore till I was one. I bet she’s wiping Spider’s web away but I don’t care much. Then she picks up Vacuum who makes it all noisy dusty wab wab wab.
Jeep sneaks way off in Under Bed. “Come back, my little baby Jeepy,” says Remote. “If you become a fish in the river, I will be a fisherman and catch you in my net.” But that tricksy Jeep stays quiet till Remote is having a nap with his antenna all the way down, then Jeep sneaks up behind him and takes out his batteries ha ha ha.
I play with Jeep and Remote all day except when I’m in Bath they have to park on Table not to get rusty. When we do Scream I push them up really near Skylight and Jeep vrums his wheels as loud as he can.
Ma lies down again holding her teeth. Sometimes she does a big breath out out out.
“Why are you hissing so long?”
“Trying to get on top of it.”
I go sit by her head and stroke her hair out of her eyes, her forehead is slippy. She grabs my hand and holds it tight. “It’s OK.” It doesn’t look OK. “You want to play with Jeep and Remote and me?”
“Maybe later.”
“If you play you won’t mind and you won’t matter.”
She smiles a bit but the next breath comes out louder like a moan.
At 05:57 I say, “Ma, it’s nearly six,” so she gets up to make dinner but she doesn’t eat any. Jeep and Remote wait in Bath because it’s dry now, it’s their secret cave. “Actually Jeep died and went to Heaven,” I say, eating my chicken slices really fast.
“Oh, yeah?”
“But then in the night when God was asleep, Jeep snuck out and slid down the Beanstalk to Room to visit me.”
“That was cunning of him.”
I eat three green beans and have a big drink of milk and another three, they go down a bit faster in threes. Five would be fasterer but I can’t manage that, my throat would shut. One time I was four, Ma wrote Green beans other froz green vegi> on the shopping list and I scribbled out Green beans with the orange pencil, she thought it was funny. At the end I have the soft bread because I like to keep it in my mouth like a cushion. “Thanks, Baby Jesus, especially for the chicken slices,” I say, “and please no more green beans for a long time. Hey, why do we thank Baby Jesus and not him?”
“Him?”
I nod at Door.
Her face gets flat even though I didn’t say his name. “Why should we thank him?”
“You did the other night, for the groceries and the snow offing and the pants.”
“You shouldn’t listen.” Sometimes when she’s really mad her mouth doesn’t really open. “It was a fake thank.”
“Why it—?”
She butts in. “He’s only the bringer. He doesn’t actually make the wheat grow in the field.”
“Which field?”
“He can’t make the sun shine on it, or the rain fall, or anything.”
“But Ma, bread doesn’t come out of fields.”
She presses on her mouth.
“Why you said—?”
“It must be time for TV,” she says fast.