A messenger came from court the very next day. Princess Cecelia was vexed when it was not the expected letter returning her secretary and promising to pay all her debts, but rather a summons for me to appear before the queen. “Go, then,” she barked at me.
I did not take her bitterness to heart. I knew she was greatly disappointed that the queen she had nearly worshipped for many years would not come to her royal defense. As for me, I sided with the queen. Silently.
When I arrived at Whitehall, the queen was in her receiving chamber with a few of her women. I clamped my jaw to stop my teeth chattering and willed my knees firm under my rich, gold-stamped gown, thanking my mother, in my heart, for the gift of it before I’d left Sweden, and asking the Lord Jesus to help me be strong and courageous.
“Lady Knollys, please inquire after the mending of the blue gown we wish to wear this evening,” she said to a woman who smiled back at her intimately and warmly. Lady Knollys was a softer, gentler version of her daughter Lettice, whom I’d seen in the hallway with Lord Robert. When Lady Knollys departed, the queen and I were left alone, with the exception of a page or two on the fringes of the room and a maid of honor silently sewing.
“We understand that your princess is shortly to return to Sweden,” she began after she bade me rise from kneeling.
“Yes, Majesty.” I neither confirmed nor denied, simply acknowledged the queen.
“She has extended her permission for you to marry Northampton?”
I nodded, then apologetically explained, “She extended permission, then withdrew it, Your Grace.”
“And what is your mind upon this matter?”
“I wish to stay and marry Lord Northampton,” I said, fervently hoping she could assist us. “And I believe that my mother would wish it so as well, as she desires happiness and contentment for all of her children.” Even Karin, I supposed.
The queen nodded and thought for a moment. “We like you well, Lady von Snakenborg. You have a quick wit and will be a charming ornament to our court. You may stay at our leave, if you wish, and serve as one of my maids of honor until such time as Northampton takes you as his wife.”
I crumpled to my knees again. “Oh, thank you, Majesty, thank you. You shall never find a more dedicated lady. I should forgo eat and drink if that was your wish!”
She laughed at that. “We have been accused of eating lightly, but we do not starve our ladies,” she said. “We heard that, while at Dover, you suffered an injury while protecting your princess. From that, we know you understand what it means to wait upon a royal mistress.”
“I should not only clasp a bee for you, Majesty, but would walk into the very den of lions ahead of you and shut their mouths on your behalf should no angel appear to do so!”
She laughed again and waved her hand. “I doubt you not, mistress. But remember that promise, for someday that very well might be required of you.”
I deeply curtseyed again and backed from the room, then ran into William’s arms. He’d been waiting nearby. “I stay!”
He reached his arm around me and kissed me, lightly, which was welcome and lovely and I kissed him back of my own accord for the first time.
I waited until morning to approach Princess Cecelia. There were agents at Bedford House carrying off items that might be sold to partially pay for the margrave’s debts; it was humiliating, and most Swedes kept quietly to their chambers, packing for the journey home.
“I have spoken with the queen, at her command, and she has offered me a position with her ladies until I can soon marry Lord Northampton,” I said. “If you will allow it.”
She abruptly stood up. “No, no, I will not allow it. It is utterly traitorous when this realm has stolen from your own crown and refused to treat me with honor. Do you think you will be well looked upon after we leave? Indeed not. These people do not care for any but themselves. You will always be an unwelcome foreigner among strange people, and they will not hold faith with you. Mark me in this.”
I stood before her, head bowed. I had not thought of it before, that I would be utterly alone, so taken was I with the idea of marrying Lord Northampton.
“You saw what the journey here was like; none is likely to undertake that again. There will be no way for you to return to Sweden.” She sat down again; in the distance I could hear someone quieting the wailing Edward Fortunatus.
“I understand, my lady,” I said. With so much money owed, it was unlikely anyone would return from Sweden to England in my lifetime. “I am sorry this journey did not bring you the happiness with the queen you had hoped it would.”
At that, she heaved a heavy breath. “The queen is by no means who I understood her to be. She is unkind, she is selfish, she is vicious. Do you know that she has kept her cousin Katherine Seymour in exile for nigh on six years, and she with two young sons, for marrying a man the queen did not approve of? I think, mayhap, it is the sons and the husband the queen covets and not the protection of her honor and law.”
I took a deep breath before speaking. “I did not know that.”
“Katherine’s sister Mary Grey is now likewise detained, a young woman who is”—she pointed at her temple—“not complete. Hardly a threat.”
A bit of dismay must have crossed my face because Princess Cecelia smiled for the first time in our conversation, but wickedly. “Perhaps this queen is not all you understand her to be, either. So stay, stay if you insist. I give my permission. But by the time you figure out who this queen really is inside, my dearest Elin, it will be too late.”
She dismissed me with a wave of her hand and went back to directing those who were helping her pack her considerable number of trunks and coffins.
• • •
Within two weeks the entire Swedish delegation had packed and was leaving Bedford House. I had told William that I would remain there to see them off, and he promised to send a litter for me and my things later that afternoon. I said good-bye to the ladies one by one, feeling especially torn to be parting from Christina Abrahamsdotter and Bridget.
Bridget and I held one another’s hand until she needed to get into a litter to depart. “I shall miss you desperately,” I said. I did not want to let go of her hand. Had I made a grave error? If so, it was not too late to join them for the return journey. I was homesick already. I might never see Sweden again, nor hear my native tongue spoken, kiss my mother good night, or eat of the small strawberries Brita and I collected each June on the hillside near our summer home.
“You’ve rightly chosen,” Bridget reminded me, seeing, I supposed, the fear cross my face. “Karin and Philip are likely already married. And William loves you well.”
I nodded. “Write to me.” She agreed, and I kissed her on the hairline.
The princess came up to me and I curtseyed before her one last time. “Thank you, my lady, for everything you have done for me,” I said, voice trembling.
She nodded, holding her head erect, and then began to walk away. Before she’d taken more than three steps, though, she turned back to me and spoke with no trace of kindness. “Lord Northampton won’t marry you. He can’t. He’s already married.”
FOUR
Spring and Summer: Year of Our Lord 1566
The Palace of Whitehall
Windsor Palace
On Progress
Year of Our Lord 1567
The Palace of Whitehall
Windsor Palace
Stanstead Hall, London
What did she mean? She was telling the truth, of that I was certain. I had made a mistake. A terrible mistake. It took all of my strength not to race after them, gown held in my hand, as they departed Bedford House. Instead, I paced the great hall and wandered outside from time to time to see if William approached. He arrived several hours after the delegation left; he rode a fine horse, as all in his stable were, and had a manservant ride another one for me. Another set of horses conveyed a litter for my belongings, such that they were. They were so few that, had it not been beneath his station, we could have carried them in saddlebags instead. The day’s cool mist mingled with hot tears to blur my view of his face as he drew near.