He greeted me with kisses but then withdrew. “What is it?” he asked.
I was not yet a practiced dissembler, though I had come to believe ’twas a skill I must learn. “Come to the great hall,” I said. “The fire is still warm and we can talk there.” I led him in by the hand and we took our seats.
“Have they gone?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes, they have. And on the way out, the princess took care to share a most distressing thought with me, one that I, of course, do not believe but must ask you.”
He shifted his body and his gaze away from me. My heart fell. I knew before I even asked him that it was true. “She says you are married. I know this cannot possibly be true because you told me yourself that your wife died one year ago, last April.”
He took my hands in his own. Although they were smooth and well groomed, they were also a bit frail. I became aware, perhaps for the first time, of the chasm of years between us. Thirty.
“I promise you that I have been honest, but perhaps not complete,” he said. “First, I would have you know that King Henry, the queen’s father, called me his integrity, his incorruptibility. It was true then, and it’s true now. If I can be trusted to be forthright with my sovereign—and I can—how much more will I be with you, my own true love?”
I softened then. “Yes, I believe you.”
“My belief,” he said, “is ‘love does no wrong.’ ”
“But . . .” I sensed there was more.
“I have a wife. Of sorts.”
I forced myself to breathe, uncomfortably aware that the Swedes were too far gone for me to catch up with them now, had I willed it.
He went on to explain that he had been married young, at his mother’s urging, to a great heiress. They were both children at the time, so they did not live together for twelve more years. Within a short time, his wife left him for another man, with whom she bore children.
“According to the Scriptures, I was free to remarry,” he said. “And after . . . courting . . . some women, I came to know Elisabeth Brooke, and with her faithfully spent twenty-two years, until her death. Parliament had declared my first marriage void; I wed Elisabeth in all honor and rightness.”
“And so?” I asked.
“Queen Mary declared my first marriage valid, and my second null, and imprisoned me in the Tower for treason, as you knew. When that queen died, there came a new government, which declared my marriage to Elisabeth valid. She, of course, died. But the current government is not sure but that there is a cloud over my marriage. My first wife still lives, and as the marriage has been valid and void, valid and void, there is some confusion.”
“I see,” I said. I dwelt in the silence for a moment before speaking. “Neither my faith nor my honor will permit me to live with you as husband and wife while unmarried.”
He nodded and spoke softly. “I would not have it otherwise. I had thought to have this righted by now, but it is not. I understand the queen has offered you a position among her ladies.”
“Yes,” I said. “I hadn’t understood then why.” I did not look at him but at my hands. I heard the queen’s birds singing mournfully in the distance. “What shall become of me?”
He drew near to me, and I leaned into him. “It shall be quick work to make right. And then we will marry and you will be mistress of all my property as you are now of my heart. Meanwhile, I shall see that you want for naught while at court or in my homes.”
We rode to the palace, which gave me time to think. I trusted him implicitly, and yet he hadn’t told me of this while I still had the chance to change my mind. Perhaps it was an oversight, and, truth be told, I wouldn’t have changed my mind anyway. I was aware anew, though, of how vulnerable I was. I was in a strange land with no family to protect me or my interests. The queen had seemed pleased with me, but I knew as well as any how fickle royal favor could be.
We arrived at court, and William promised to be back within a few days. I felt alone, nervous, and perhaps somewhat abandoned as I watched him ride away. He had his own quarters at all of the queen’s residences, of course, so we would see one another often. But I would also have duties waiting upon the queen. William had told me that it had been but a year since Kat Ashley, the woman who had raised the queen, had died. Since then, Blanche Parry, who had also been with the queen since childhood, had become the queen’s “mother at heart,” and she was very motherly indeed. Her Majesty had asked Mistress Parry to see that I had everything I needed.
“Her Grace has given you apartments near her own lodgings,” she said, showing me to a small suite of well-appointed rooms close upon the Royal Suite, and with an enchanting view. She lowered her voice. “The other maids of honor share chambers and maids, so it’s a singular honor that you’ll have your own rooms, a lady maid and servants, and a horse of your own. You are also excluded from the sumptuary laws, so you may dress in a manner which will befit accompanying Lord Northampton.”
“Oh, thank the queen for me, please,” I said. “I am overcome.”
“You can thank her yourself, Elin.”
“Helena, please,” I said. “I am an Englishwoman now. My name is Helena.”
• • •
I soon learned the queen’s daily routine and my part in it. We ladies were never to interfere in her politics or her court. At first I was downhearted about that, thinking that though I loved cards and games and needlework and horses, exercising my mind and my mouth was more to my pleasure. I soon learned, though, that the ladies had considerable power to influence, often heard Her Majesty’s speeches well ahead of the men as she practiced them in her chambers, and were able to persuade effectively by softer manner. The queen was never alone; we ladies trailed her, like purebred spaniels might trail a lesser woman, no matter where she went. She loved us well, though, and although it was always clear that she was the mistress, it was often clear that she was our loving friend as well.
The queen began her day with six or seven galliards, for exercise, and we ladies were expected to dance along with her. If she chose not to dance, she and we oft took a quick walk in the gardens. She said she was no morning woman but she was always back at her rooms very early to attend to her devotions and then to her correspondence. After we dressed her, her counselors came to see her in her Presence or Privy Chamber. She attended to paperwork for a while, then walked in a garden or a gallery with her ladies or Lord Robert. Afterward, she might ride in open carriage, so her people could see her, to a nearby park to hawk or hunt, often with Lord Robert, her Master of Horse.
When she was with him, the breath of life was breathed into her. Bliss.
William had provided my lady maid at his own expense. Although the queen had offered to provide one, she was glad to save the cost and William told me, quietly, that it would be better if he provided her for me.
“If I hire her, she knows that she is to carry out what I tell her to do as her primary responsibility. I’ve told her to answer any questions you may ask that would assist you to understand court, or England, our history, and the courtiers. She was educated somewhat before her family fell upon difficulties and she has served in noble households, so she will be a source of knowledge for you.”
I kissed his cheek. “Thank you, dearest William, for thinking of things I might not have even considered.”