Aquillo Mallot’s Camps
Aquillo Mallot is a homeless man of alternative housing. An occupational non-profit mercenary, Gypsy Moth Farmer, comfrey and mullen rancher, pie rat, and purveyor of exotic substances. He currently holds the position of Bishop of the Holy Primeval Coyote Church in his spare time. He is master of the Sacred Marriage bar none. He lives soully on food handouts, dead carrion along Interstate 5, and visions of extraterrestrial guidance. — by |zak Holden. Conchsense 1999
Aquillo Mallot is a master of creating cozy and comfortable camps in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve seen him build huts from driftwood on the beach. I’ve seen him dig pits and cover them with fallen logs and tarps. He usually has a wood burning stove in his camps complete with metal flashing glued to the tarps the stove pipe goes through.
Everything Aquillo uses is abandoned as garbage. He’s used tarpatecture to make derelict fishing boats into comfy homes after he used scavenged ropes and pulleys to drag the wrecks on shore during low tide and patch them up. The only limit to what you can do is your own imagination. Aquillo is proof of that.
Trolls Under Bridges
If you spend any time traveling among the house-less you will encounter some of the derelicts who live under various bridges all over the country. In my experience, they are a sorry lot who can’t figure out how to keep the rain off their heads any other way. Bridges are noisy, dirty, and uncomfortable. The one bridge I would recommend visiting is in the Fremont District of Seattle. There is a real troll there, made of cement, and about to eat a VW bug. Other than that I would suggest you find someplace else to keep dry.
Beach Bumming
If you are in a tropical climate it’s easy to live on the beach. Simply cover yourself with a tarp if it seems like it might rain and you are good as gold. If you are in the a little colder climate make sure you know how to build a fire. I’ll give you a few hints later in the book.
The savvy vagabond goes where the going is easy. Head to the beach. The beach can offer you fishing wrecks like Aquillo uses in the Northwest of the US or wonderful showering and bathroom facilities like you find in Hawaii and Southern California. Not only that, you can fish for food and entertainment, swim (if it’s warm enough), and generally, you can have a fire on the sand provided your not in Waikiki or Laguna.
The Beach Tarp Roll ‘burrito’. This is a great trick to have in your beach bum bag of tricks. Let’s say that you are sleeping out under the stars and it starts to rain. No problem. You are already sleeping on a tarp because sleeping on the bare sand is cold and uncomfortable. So what do you do? You simply grab an edge of your tarp and roll yourself into a beach tarp roll burrito and stay dry until the storm passes. You don’t even need to get up!
Showering is easy at the beach. Most marinas have free showers available. A lot of public beaches have showers available too. If they don’t you can always get a membership at the YMCA or 24 hour fitness. One thing you don’t’ want to do is let all that salt and sand accumulate on your body. It’s an easy way to get rashes and begin to look like a real down and out bum.
The sand can get everywhere. It will get in your food, your clothing, your car, your ears, your underwear, your butt crack. Rinse off well and don’t forget to wash your feet.
Shelter from the Sun. If you are going to be outside all day, every day, don’t forget to either use sunscreen or at least limit the amount of time you are in the sun. Schedule some time under a tree or in the library. Unless you want to be one of those ultra bronze old people with 28,000 liver spots all over your body.
Bathrooms are placed strategically throughout most urban and metropolitan areas so that normal folks don’t have to walk over the leavings of the homeless. That’s not the only reason the bathrooms are there, but it’s a good one. Use public restrooms. Nobody wants to see you taking a leak or find your wadded up toilet paper in the woods. Including me.
If you are in a place where there are no public restrooms look for a Walmart, Starbucks, or McDonald’s. They seem to be everywhere and they almost always have public restrooms. I think the best restrooms to use are the restrooms and stalls designed for handicapped people. They are bigger, cleaner, and generally the locks work.
I sometimes have people look at me funny when they come upon me shaving or brushing my teeth in the bathroom. No one has ever said anything about it. If they do, I have an answer ready. “Would you rather have bums with good hygiene or bad?” I don’t think there can be an answer of bad from anyone.
If you can’t find a toilet, the chances are pretty good that you can find a discrete place to do your business. Please though, use a stick or can to dig a hole and bury your shit and shit paper.
Never, ever, ever unless it’s a life or death situation should you attempt to sleep or camp in a restroom or public bathroom. This is what leads to locks, doors being removed, and worse. Be appreciative, show respect, and leave it better than you found it if you can.
Hostels and Guesthouses. A friend told me he no longer hangs out in bars because he has discovered if you drink at a hostel it is cheaper, more fun, and you meet more interesting people. I agree completely.
Hostels and guesthouses are also the poor traveler’s means of staying in exotic destinations the world over. A guesthouse in Laos can cost as little as $1 US per night for a private room with a king size bed.
A hostel in England will cost you about $20 US as opposed to spending a minimum of $50-$80 at a fleabag hotel. Hostels and guesthouses exist almost everywhere. The people who stay at hostels are usually more approachable than the people who stay at hotels. They don’t whine about inconveniences and you can usually find someone heading in your direction or who is willing to accompany you on whatever adventure you hanker. Hostels are great places to hook up with cheap tours, exciting adventures, cheap transport, and information about where you are heading next. Hostels and guest houses aren’t really rough living — they exist in a sort of middle space.
Most hostels provide communal kitchens you can store and cook your food in, activities, internet access, and more. In addition, if you come across as a somewhat normal person who is willing to work hard, you can usually find a bed at a hostel in exchange for your labor. The key to this is to be persistent and honest. Tell them what you want and offer your services in exchange.
Hammocks are like a gift from the heavens for the houseless and bedless. I love my hammock. My buddy Jeremy gave it to me a couple of years ago and since then I’ve carted it with me everywhere I go. I’ve lived in it, I’ve relaxed in it, I’ve slept in it, I’ve eaten in it, I’ve made love in it, and I’ve hung it up all over the place.
My hammock is a “Ticket to the Moon” hammock. It folds up into a pouch about the size of a softball, is made out of parachute silk, and with two three foot loops of rope, I can hang it on any two trees, posts, hooks or beams, that I have found yet.
If I have a hard time sleeping at night. I take it to the park and sleep in the morning or afternoon. I always hear people murmur “Gee, that looks great!” as they walk by. It is. Get a hammock.
A hammock makes the difference between people seeing a bum on the ground or a guy practicing the fine art of leisure.
