Yvonne’s reply was some comforting emojis telling him that there was no pressure and that all would be good.
He scanned the rest of the messages.
None from Ingrid.
For a few minutes he paced around the apartment’s beige carpeting, checked out the view from the windows, sat on a beige couch, stood again, paced some more. He let the calls go to voicemail until he saw one coming in from Anya’s school. When he picked it up and said, “Hello,” the caller sounded startled.
“Oh,” a voice Simon recognized as belonging to Ali Karim, the principal of Abernathy Academy, said, “I didn’t expect you to answer.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Anya is fine. This isn’t about her.”
“Okay,” Simon said. Ali Karim was one of those academics who wore it — tweed blazers with patches on the elbow, unruly muttonchops on the side of his face, balding with too-long shocks of hair on the crown. “So what can I do for you, Ali?”
“This is a bit sensitive.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s about the parent charity ball next month.”
Simon waited.
“As you know, the committee is meeting tomorrow night.”
“I do know,” Simon said. “Ingrid and I are co-chairs.”
“Yes. About that.”
Simon felt his hand tighten around the phone. The principal wanted him to say something, to dive into the silence. Simon didn’t.
“Some of the parents feel it’s best you not come tomorrow.”
“Which parents?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Why not?”
“Simon, don’t make this harder than it has to be. They’re upset about that video.”
“Aww,” Simon said.
“Pardon?”
“Is that all, Ali?”
“Uh, not exactly.”
Again he waited for Simon to fill the silence. Again Simon didn’t.
“As you know, the charity ball this year is raising funds for the Coalition for the Homeless. In light of the recent developments, we feel that perhaps you and Ingrid shouldn’t continue as co-chairs.”
“What recent developments?”
“Come on, Simon.”
“He wasn’t homeless. He’s a drug dealer.”
“I don’t know about that—”
“I know you don’t,” Simon said. “It’s why I’m telling you.”
“—but perception is often more important than reality.”
“Perception is often more important than reality,” Simon repeated. “Is this what you guys teach the kids?”
“This is about doing what’s best for the charity.”
“The ends justify the means, eh?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“You’re some educator, Ali.”
“It seems that I offended you.”
“More like disappointed, but okay, whatever. Just send us back our check.”
“Pardon?”
“You didn’t make us co-chairs because of our winning personalities. You made us co-chairs because we donated big bucks for this ball.” He and Ingrid hadn’t given the money strictly because they believed in the cause. Things like this — it’s rarely about the cause. The cause is a by-product. It’s about sucking up to the school and the administrators like Ali Karim. If you want to support a cause, support a cause. Do you really need the enticement of some boring rubber-salmon dinner where you honor a random rich guy to get you to do the right thing? “Now that we’re no longer co-chairs...”
Ali’s tone was incredulous. “You want to take back your charitable donation?”
“Yep. I’d prefer if you overnighted the check, but if you want to send it two-day express, that’s fine too. Have a great day, Ali.”
He hung up and chucked the phone onto the beige pillow on the beige couch. He’d still give the money to the charity — he couldn’t be that much of a hypocrite — just not via the school’s fundraising ball.
When he turned around, Ingrid and Hester were standing there, watching him.
“Personal rather than legal advice,” Hester said. “Don’t engage with anyone for a few hours, okay? People have a tendency to be rash and stupid under this kind of pressure. Not you, of course. But better safe than sorry.”
Simon stared at Ingrid. His wife was tall with a regal bearing, high cheekbones, short blonde-to-gray hair that always look in vogue. In college she’d worked a bit as a model, her look described as “aloof, icy Scandinavian,” and that was still probably the first impression, which made her career choice — pediatrician who needed to be warm with kids — a bit of an anomaly. But kids never saw her that way. They loved and trusted Ingrid immediately. It was uncanny, the way they saw straight to her heart.
Hester said, “I’ll leave you guys to it.”
She didn’t specify what “it” referred to, but maybe she didn’t have to. When they were alone, Ingrid shrugged a what-the-hell and Simon launched into the story.
“You knew where Paige was?” Ingrid asked.
“I told you. Charlie Crowley said something to me.”
“And you followed up. Then this other homeless guy, this Dave—”
“I don’t know if he’s homeless. I just know he runs the schedule for the musicians.”
“You really want to play semantics with me now, Simon?”
He did not.
“So this Dave... he told you that Paige was going to be there?”
“He thought she might, yes.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t know for sure. Why upset you if it was nothing?”
She shook her head.
“What?”
“You never lie to me, Simon. It’s not what you do.”
That was true. He never lied to his wife and in a sense, he wasn’t lying here, not really, but he was shading the truth and that was bad enough.
“I’m sorry,” Simon said.
“You didn’t tell me because you were afraid I’d stop it.”
“In part,” Simon said.
“Why else?”
“Because I’d have to tell you the rest of it. How I’d been searching for her.”
“Even though we both agreed that we wouldn’t?”
Technically he hadn’t agreed. Ingrid had more or less laid down the law, and Simon hadn’t objected, but now didn’t seem the time for that kind of nuance.
“I couldn’t... I couldn’t just let her go.”
“And what, you think I could?”
Simon said nothing.
“You think you hurt more than I do?”
“No, of course not.”
“Bullshit. You think I was being cold.”
He almost said, “No, of course not” again, but didn’t part of him think that?
“What was your plan, Simon? Rehab again?”
“Why not?”
Ingrid closed her eyes. “How many times did we try...?”
“One time too few. That’s all. One time too few.”
“You’re not helping. Paige has to come to it on her own. Don’t you see that? I didn’t ‘let her go’” — Ingrid spat out the words — “because I don’t love her anymore. I let her go because she’s gone — and we can’t bring her back. Do you hear me? We can’t. Only she can.”
Simon collapsed on the couch. Ingrid sat next to him. After some time passed, she rested her head on his shoulder.
“I tried,” Simon said.
“I know.”
“And I messed up.”
Ingrid pulled him close. “It’ll be okay.”
He nodded, even as he knew it wouldn’t be, not ever.
Chapter Four
Three Months Later
Simon sat across from Michelle Brady in his spacious office on the thirty-eighth floor directly across the street from where the World Trade Center towers once stood. He had seen the towers fall on that terrible day, but he never talked about it. He never watched the documentaries or news updates or anniversary specials. He simply couldn’t go there. In the distance on the right, over the water, you could see the Statue of Liberty. It was small out there, dwarfed by all the closer high-rises, bobbing alone in the water, but she looked fierce, torch held high, a green beacon, and while Simon had long grown tired of most of his view — no matter how spectacular, if you see the same thing every day, it grows stale — the Statue of Liberty never failed to offer comfort.