Bethy couldn’t know. Could she? No one knew. Had Nan told someone? Fuck. I couldn’t let this get out. I had to make this right. Blaire needed me. I couldn’t lose her.
“That was the best time ever. I like blue-collar fellas. They’re so much fun.” Bethy started babbling again. “You should have looked around some more, Blaire. It would have been smarter on your part. Rush is a bad idea. ’Cause there is always Nan.”
Motherfuckinghell!
She knew something. No. She couldn’t know. Not the truth. I moved my hand from Blaire’s to grip the steering wheel. I needed to think, and throwing Bethy’s drunk ass out of the car wasn’t an option. Blaire would never forgive me for that.
“Is Nan your sister?” Blaire asked. The confusion in her voice made me wince. She was questioning my relationship with Nan. If she only knew the truth. I wouldn’t have her. She wouldn’t be here.
I just nodded. I couldn’t say anything else. My throat was thick.
“What did Bethy mean, then? How would us sleeping together affect Nan?”
How did I respond to that? I didn’t know what Bethy knew exactly, but I couldn’t tell Blaire the truth. I hadn’t figured out how to make the past OK. How to make Blaire not leave me when she found out the truth.
She was going to keep asking me questions. I had to stop her. I couldn’t tell her anything. Not now.
“Nan is my younger sister. I won’t . . . I can’t talk about her with you.”
Blaire’s body was rigid. The tension in the car was over-powering. There had to be a way out of this. Blaire trusted me. I wanted that trust. I wanted to deserve it. Bethy couldn’t know. She wouldn’t know. Nan had never said anything to anyone. It was a secret she held close. I was overreacting.
Bethy’s snoring filled the car, and Blaire fixed her gaze on the road. Neither of us said anything. I didn’t want Bethy to wake up and say anything. She was better off passed out. I was safer that way. My secrets were safer.
The distance between Blaire and me seemed to grow by the second, and I hated it. I wanted her in my arms again. I wanted her crying out my name. I didn’t want this wall between us.
When I pulled up to the office, I didn’t ask Blaire if this was where we needed to leave Bethy. I couldn’t say anything to her. I was terrified she’d know. Had she sat there and figured it all out?
I shook Bethy enough to wake her up and help her out of the car. She began mumbling that her dad would kill her and she wanted to sleep in the office. I was pretty sure her aunt Darla would kick her ass in the morning, but that wasn’t my problem. I fished out the key from Bethy’s purse and unlocked the door, then got her inside.
The large leather sofa was close to the door, thank God, because Bethy reeked of cheap tequila, and I didn’t want to be the one holding her up when she started puking. I dropped her onto the sofa. “Lie down,” I instructed her. I grabbed the nearest trash can and set it beside her head. “Vomit in this. You get that shit on the floor, and Darla will be even more pissed.”
Bethy groaned and rolled over.
I went to leave. Just as I opened the door, Bethy’s voice stopped me.
“I won’t tell her about Nan’s daddy. But you need to.” She looked sad as her glassy eyes met mine. She knew who Nan’s daddy was. Shit.
“I will. When it’s time,” I told her.
“Don’t wait too long,” she said, then closed her eyes. Her mouth fell open with a soft snore.
I locked the door and closed it tightly behind me. She was right. I had to fix this before it was too late.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Your room is upstairs now,” I reminded her once we had stepped inside the house and she headed for the kitchen. We still hadn’t spoken. I wasn’t sure what to say to her or even how to talk to her now.
She paused, then turned and headed for the stairs. I couldn’t just let her go like this.
“I tried to stay away from you,” I said.
She stopped and turned to look down at me. The hurt in her eyes was too much. I didn’t want to hurt her. Yet I would be her biggest heartbreak. I hated myself. I hated what I was, who I was.
“That first night, I tried to get rid of you. Not because I disliked you.” I laughed bitterly at the truth. “But because I knew. I knew you’d get under my skin. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe I hated you a little bit then because of the weakness you’d be able to find in me.” I had known from the first moment that she was trouble. She’d break me. But I hadn’t known she’d own me.
“What is so wrong with you being attracted to me?” she asked, a tear glistening in the corner of her eye. Shit. I hated knowing she didn’t understand.
“Because you don’t know everything, and I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets. They’re hers. I love her, Blaire. I’ve loved her and protected her all my life. She’s my little sister. It’s what I do. Even though I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets.” If she could just take that as her answer and give me time. All the things I’d done had to be fixed. There had to be a way to right the wrongs.
“I can understand that. It’s OK. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry,” she said in a soft voice. She meant that. She was fucking apologizing. To me. “Good night, Rush,” she said, and turned and left me there.
I let her go. She was telling me it was OK to have my secrets but that I couldn’t have her, too. How would I do this? I had tasted her in my arms. I knew what her smile could do to me and how the way she looked at me controlled my fucking moods. It was like she’d become the sun, and I’d started revolving around her. She was my center.
Yet I was the reason she had lived through hell. I had given her father a place to run to. I had gone to him when he was weak and needed to be with his daughter and his wife. I’d given him somewhere else to go. Another life to walk into. Another daughter to claim and another family to belong to.
And he’d left her. All alone. If I had just cared enough to find out who I was taking him from . . . but I hadn’t cared. I had just wanted to give Nan what she wanted so badly. I hadn’t thought of anyone else. Only Nan. It was always Nan.
Or it had been. It wasn’t anymore.
I couldn’t ignore the truth. Blaire’s happiness and safety meant too much to me. Protecting Nan was no longer my number one priority. Blaire was taking that spot. She had moved right into my life and changed it all. I should hate her for that. But I couldn’t. I would never hate her. That was impossible.
I climbed the stairs and stopped at the door to the bedroom where she was now tucked away. I had wanted her in my bed tonight. But knowing that she was in sleeping in luxury meant I would be able to rest easier. The regret in my chest would be my only companion in bed tonight.
The sound of a phone ringing broke through the sweet darkness, and I forced my eyes open to reach for the offending sound. I had lain awake most of the night. Of course, now that I’d finally fallen asleep, my damn phone had to ring. Grabbing it, I noticed the sun through the blinds. It was later than I thought. Maybe I had been asleep for longer than I’d thought.
“Hello,” I snarled into the phone.
“Are you still asleep?” Woods’s annoying voice didn’t put me in a better mood.
“What do you want?” I asked. It was none of his business if I was still asleep.
“It’s about your sister,” he said.
I sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood to wake up and deal with Nan’s problems. I had my own. “What?” I barked.