It makes her sick even to think about it. Maybe her father chose this place deliberately, knowing it to be packed with monstrosities: hunchbacks, idiots who smile when there’s nothing to smile about, the one whose right foot follows half an hour after her left, and—the most scary one of all—the novice with the poxy face, the scars so angry she might even have been lovely not so long ago.
The girl from the Dominici family who lived not far from her had suffered the same horror: one Sunday flicking lizard tongues at the boys beneath her veil in church, six weeks later so foul and pitted that her headdress at mass was thick as a winter curtain and everyone who sat near to her said they could hear her sobbing behind it. The story was that she asked to be put into a convent because she could not bear to be among sweet faces anymore. For who would possibly want her now? Oh, dear God, what if this one still has the disease, or some other kind of pox slides in through the windows here? They would all be dead or maimed within weeks. No. Please, please, Virgin Mother, don’t let such a thing happen!
Love opened my left side with his right hand, and there within my very heart he planted a laurel tree, so green that its rich hue exceeds the color of all emeralds.
She can feel hot tears flowing again. Ha! Outside she registers the footsteps of the watch sister moving into the cloisters on her rounds, and she moves swiftly to blow out the candle, so swiftly that the wax from the flame spatters onto her fingers.
She winces from its heat, then registers the change as it coagulates and sticks to her fingers. Hot wax. Like a seal. Of course! A seal. Yes!
As soon as she finds bigger stones, she will use the candle to seal the paper around them. At least that way she will be ready when he comes. Because come he will. She is sure of it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THESE THINGS ZUANA has never seen and probably never wilclass="underline"
The ocean
The great veins underneath the earth where precious metals grow
The monster known as the lamia
A newborn baby
The insides of a dead person
Though when it comes to the last she has been closer than most.
HER FATHER WAS by no means the first to take his knife publicly to a human corpse. By the time he stood up in the lecture hall of Ferrara University his butcher’s apron tied around him, anatomical dissection was already an accepted part of medical education in cities such as Bologna and Padua. (The great Vesalius himself worked for many years in Padua, and it was there that he laid the foundation for his book on the fabric of the human body; this is a fact Zuana has known for so long that she cannot remember anymore when she was told it first.) But thanks to scholars like Mancardi and Brasalola, Ferrara was not far behind, and by the time she was old enough to understand the difference between a vein and a muscle a public dissection was taking place under the auspices of the university every other year: an audience of a hundred or more medical students bundled into thick cloaks and hats, packed alongside a few strong-stomached Ferrarese citizens with the curiosity and appetite to look inside themselves.
The event was held either in one of the regular lecture rooms, makeshift stacked seating arranged as best they could to allow as many people as possible to see the corpse espaliered on the table, or, later, when the crowd grew too large, in a nearby church specially commandeered for the process. In both cases the spaces were bitterly cold, the tang of preserving alcohol a persistent incense in the air. Dissection was, by necessity, a winter business, with windows and doors kept open so the bodies remained fresh over the two or three days it took to complete the process (though when it came to work on living dogs and pigs, it meant you could hear their terror and agony halfway round the town).
At moments when convent weather spikes to the bone—as it does now—or a task in the dispensary demands the same preserving fluid, or some feast day calls for the slaughtering of one of the pigs, their high-pitched squealing echoing through the cloisters, then Zuana is instantly pulled back: imagining herself as a young woman, beside herself with anticipation as she peers down at the table, her father’s voice booming out across the hall as he makes the first incision along the collarbone and down the side to create the skin flap which, when lifted, will expose the breastbone and the lungs and finally the heart underneath.
Alas, it is a dream that never happened. Oh, the sensations were real enough: the smells (her father stank of them when he returned that night), the cold, the hysteria of the penned waiting animals, which always seemed to know what was to happen to them, and the parallel sense of rising excitement in the streets as the students queued and then finally dispersed after the spectacle. But the rest took place behind closed doors for her. It was not for want of trying. By the age of fourteen she knew enough in theory to recognize most of the organs the knife would have revealed. And by sixteen she was tall and broad enough that with a cap and gown she might even have got lost in the crowd. But her father was adamant. While she might stand next to him in the study measuring and mixing, or help him in the gardens gathering herbs and roots—even down to the mandrake, which looked like a miniature human body as it was pulled squealing from the earth—while together they might trace a man’s insides through the study of a hundred woodcuts, when it came to witnessing the actual flesh flayed back to reveal the wonders beneath, to understand this divine creation in all its glory as God had made it, that could never be woman’s work, even to a mind as big as his.
She had come close to defying him once. Had got as far as hiding a cloak and a hat, left over by different visitors, ready to slip out as soon as he was gone. But he seemed to sense her excitement and chose not to leave the house until the dissection was almost due to begin, so that by the time she could get out, the lecture hall was already exploding with bodies and the waiting line stretched halfway down the street. Later, when his death had them all running in circles working out what to do with her, she wondered if he had already begun to question whether the young woman he had so lovingly filled with his knowledge might not be becoming a liability to herself as much as a treasure to him.
Perhaps he had thought he would live forever. She certainly had.
Thus her medical experience had been severely circumscribed, so that now in order to penetrate the insides of the human body she must rely on books: muscles, sinews, viscera, bones, and blood, all reduced to flat patterns of black lines on a white page. Had she kept the volumes of Vesalius’s great anatomical work—oh, if only! — she might have been able to educate herself afresh each time she opened its pages, for there was nowhere his knife and his curiosity had not penetrated. But when the scavengers descended after her father’s death, a few key treasures had walked out of his study before she had had the time or wit to hide them; Vesalius’s fat volumes had been the greatest loss. As for the bodies in the flesh—well, though she might feel swellings or catch glimpses through or under the habits of the convent women when their pain was great enough to disturb their modesty, any understanding of a man’s body was to be forever denied to her.