“We were just talking, Mum,” I said, looking down at my feet.
“Talking?” she said, raising her voice again. “Until two in the morning? What’s wrong with you, Audrey?” She crossed her arms and sighed loudly. “Ana—your friend—is barely cold in her grave, and you’re trying to get your hands down her boyfriend’s pants.”
I looked up at her, furious. “How dare you!” I screamed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Yes, I do,” she said coldly. “I saw the way you were looking at him. How do you think Duck would feel about that?”
“Duck wouldn’t care, Mum.” The words didn’t come out as confidently as I had intended. Until now, I hadn’t even thought about Duck.
“He wouldn’t?” she said. “Are you out of your mind, Audrey? I hope you haven’t forgotten that if it wasn’t for Duck, you wouldn’t even be here right now.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I pushed past her roughly and was halfway up the stairs when I heard her call after me. “I don’t want you seeing him again. Do you hear me, Audrey? It’s finished.”
“Shut up!” I screamed. “You can’t tell me what to do!”
I slammed the door shut, anger rising inside me. I took a few deep breaths, willing myself not to cry. It had been such a strange night, and I wanted to collect myself and make sense of what I was feeling. Deep down I knew my mother was right, and I felt a bubble of self-hatred rise to the surface. It was clear to me now that I shouldn’t have left Ana’s house with Rad. But it happened so quickly that neither of us had time to think about the consequences. And now it was too late to turn back.
Three
Candela caught up with me just as I was walking through the school gate.
“Hey, Audrey,” she said, a little out of breath. “What happened last night?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, you left Ana’s house with Rad. Everyone was talking about it.”
“How crass.”
“People can be assholes,” she agreed. “So, what happened, anyway? You didn’t answer any of my texts last night.”
“Sorry,” I said, “I got home really late.”
“Really?” She raised an eyebrow.
The school bell sounded.
“Hey, let’s skip class today,” said Candela.
“I can’t. I’ve been falling behind.”
“Audrey.” She grabbed my arm. “You look like you need a break. And besides, one day won’t kill you—will it?”
A few hours later, we were sitting on the sandy shore of our favorite beach, watching the surfers glide across the waves. It was unusually warm for August, and we were enjoying the rare bits of sunshine that broke intermittently through the gray clouds. Candela passed me a joint, and I took it from her gratefully.
“Thanks,” I said. “I really needed this.”
“Me too,” she said. “What a god-awful week it’s been.”
I held the end of the joint to my lips, drawing the smoke into my lungs.
“Go easy, Audrey. You know that stuff can make you weird.” I nodded, handing it back to her. She took a couple of quick puffs and then stubbed the joint out on the sand. I watched as she placed the rest of it carefully into a pillbox.
“I know I shouldn’t have left with Rad last night.”
“I thought you didn’t know each other. I mean, one minute you were asking who he was, and then the next thing we knew, Lucy said the two of you left together. So what happened?”
“Well, I was feeling anxious,” I looked at her. “You know . . .”
Candela nodded. Her mother suffered from panic attacks, and she knew I had started having them.
I took a deep breath. “So I went outside for some air, and Rad was there, on the back porch. We talked for a little bit, and then the fight broke out and we left.”
“God, the fight,” Candela’s face was suddenly animated. “Did you see what happened?”
“I missed most of it.”
“It was nasty. Ana’s uncle turned up a bit drunk. He walked right up to Ana’s dad and hit him. Really hard too!”
“Yeah,” I said softly.
“Not that the bastard didn’t deserve it,” she added.
I remained quiet.
“You know, I can’t believe the police haven’t arrested him yet. I mean, you’re the one who saw them through the window with their clothes off and going at it, so maybe you should speak to the cops.”
My heart leapt to my throat, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell Candela the truth—that I had made it all up and Ana’s dad was innocent. I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t form. I felt panic grip me like a vice.
“Audrey, are you okay? Oh shit, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Candela put her arm around me, stroking my back as I struggled to get my breathing under control. “God, I’m such an idiot,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry, babe.”
“It’s okay,” I said, between quick, ragged breaths.
She kept her hand on my back, rubbing in a slow circular motion. It took awhile before I began to feel okay again.
“I saw Ana the day before it happened, you know,” Candela said. “Just when the rumor was turning into a shit storm. I know I promised you I wouldn’t say anything to her, but I had this really strong feeling that I should. Now I wish I had.” She bit her lip and began drawing arbitrary shapes in the sand with her fingertips. “I mean, she was my friend, and I let her down. I don’t know if I can ever get past that, you know?”
“I’m so sorry, Candela.” I could feel my throat tightening up again. “This is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not. Don’t ever say that. You had no idea that Eve was listening at the door.”
“I should never have said anything,” I said, my voice dropping to a whisper.
“Hey.” She let out a sigh. “Come on . . . let’s just—fuck it. Let’s not talk about Ana anymore. Okay? Tell me about Rad. How was he last night?”
“He was okay,” I said. “I think he just needed someone to talk to. Maybe someone who didn’t know Ana.”
“I get that. Really I do. Did he say anything about Ana?”
“No,” I said, with a shake of my head. “He didn’t want to talk about her.”
Candela nodded. “To be honest, I don’t blame him. It messes me up, thinking about it. I’d rather think about anything else.”
“Same. But I know it must be a million times worse for you, because you were always close to her.”
“Yeah,” said Candela. A shadow seemed to pass over her face. “We had some great times.”
We were quiet, lost in our own thoughts.
“Are you going to see Rad again?”
“I don’t know. Mum went completely feral when I got home last night.”
“You should have seen her at the reception when Lucy told her you left with Rad.” A tiny laugh escaped from her lips. “She was livid.” Candela and my mother were mortal enemies.
I smirked. “Anyway, she has forbidden me from seeing him.”
“She forbids you from seeing me,” Candela pointed out. “Yet here we are.”
“It’s kind of messy. I mean, I’m not sure Duck would be keen on the idea.”
Candela rolled her eyes. “Duck is way too possessive. You know I adore him, but the guy needs to lighten up.”