The Loafer's person was as singular, as were his propensities. He was of short stature, with head and shoulders sufficiently large for one twice his weight, but from the shoulders, all went tapering downwards, till what was left below the knees was of no account, the shanks made the more spindling by their task of double duty, of having to carry about the enormous head and shoulders overtoping them. The head was of the same architectural order of the other divisions — big at the top, and wedging off to the chin, which was small and flexible. The eyes were in slits, diverging from the nose upwards, and displayed much cunning, by their faculty of quickly seeing objects in different directions, without turning the head.
But the mouth! — when shut, nothing was seen but a faint line, of a tint but a little darker than the brown of the surrounding parts. Beard he had none, simply, by its not being able to force its way through the undisturbed coating of dirt, made impenetrable by time and the polish it had gained by the oft repeated wipe of the hand's back. But the beauties of the mouth were all reserved for the laugh, encroaching so far upon the premises of the surrounding neighbourhood, as to engulf the whole by its vastness; — the chin dropped in very fear — the upper lip stretched into lengthy nothingness — the ears seemed to retreat too near each other at the rear of the head, to hold converse for their mutual safety, in the jerkings back of the mouth's corners; and when all was in full play, an inward chuckle was heard, more resembling a succession of violent hiccoughs, than a laugh, without an indication of its coming to the surface, or of any other part of the body being engaged with it, except the mouth and inward throat. Had the other portions of the man entered into one of his smiling freaks, I know not what convulsions the combination would have produced.
I beg pardon of my readers for dwelling so long upon this man, but I could not get rid of this oddity of nature's handicraft, with less space, unless I left him to be pictured by the imaginations of those, who chose to follow me, which is a task I lack the hardihood to inflict upon a worthy class, I so very much revere.
About half an hour after I had fallen in with the Loafer and the ham, I again saw him with a moderate sized cheese, whose fair circular proportions had already been gapped to deformity, by this cormorant in human shape. I watched him from a distance through curiosity, to know what would be the end of the cheese, but his ever roving eyes soon caught me at my eager gaze, which he no doubt construed to my wishing to partake of the cheese, as well as of the ham, and he withdrew to find another hiding place, different in location from the first, where the latter was deposited.
The boat's crew which came from the frigate entered with much good will into the pervading fun and frolic, with the hands of the brig, and partook still more freely with the good cheer that was plenteously passing around, till two of the four became so intoxicated, as to be unable to do farther duty, either to the prize they were sent to guard, or the bottle with which they had joined fellowship, and were charitably stowed away from the sight of their lieutenant, who knew nothing of the circumstance. Thus were they screened from an exposure, which inevitably must have brought them under the swing of the boatswain's cat at the next day of punishment. The other two continued singing their songs, and displaying their merriment, as did many of those belonging to the brig, throughout the entire night, and appeared as though all alike belonged to the craft. I can say with safety, the number of our crew who were drunk, were not in the same proportion as that of the boats; yet far too many were lively, for the comfort of those who remained sober.
The whole night was spent in securing whatever could be carried off by the men, frolicking, drinking, and shamefully devastating the armament and fitting out of the brig. Enough was done to arouse the ire of any who had not the propensity to join in this destruction, unless one argued upon the principle of letting nothing fall into the hands of the enemy, which could in any way be prevented. To me, unused as I was to such destructive wasting of goods and provisions, the whole proceeding seemed strange and unnatural; yet I could not wholly desist from appropriating to myself, for after use, a few of the good things I saw so abundantly floating about, and was content to secure to my share of the plunder (independently of the high-flavoured Mocha), about one-fourth of a good sized cheese, rejecting some six or eight before making my final selection, two to three dozen of the choicest herrings from the box before mentioned, and as many pilot biscuit as I could well stow in my hat-crown and pockets; about as bad a selection as could be made, considering the time occupied and the abundance before me. But then, it was this very abundance which caused the lack of judgment in making the selection, and not better supplying myself with the needful; for, like the celebrated coquette, I went on rejecting the good things before me, still thinking the best were yet to come, till at last I had thrown aside all of value, and was, per force, compelled to take such as remained. However, experience is every thing in matters of this kind, and I was most sadly wanting in that, which, I trust, will be a sufficient excuse, even to the most fastidious, that I was no better freighted, when leaving the brig for the frigate.
I afterwards had reason to feel no small degree of pride, at the care I was at, in putting on all the clothing I could wear, which amounted to three entire suits, boots excepted, and afterwards covered the whole with my comfortable fear-naught great-coat. While my shipmates were catering for the inward man, I was more profitably employed in laying on lasting habiliments for the outward person, which was displaying a sagacity worthy of an older head than the one that prompted the suggestion. This was done, however, at the expense of rather a cutting inuendo, from one of our prize-masters, who sarcastically said, "you have the germ, if not the stamina, of a privateers-man, and with a little training would do for a worse calling."
Said I, a little tempered, "your natal place is where you first took root, among pirates and outlaws, and no where else can you thrive."
"A few hours make a wonderful difference with the levelling of a vessel's crew at sea."
This I knew as well before, as after his saying so, but concluded to let the conversation drop, for service of another kind was planning. At about half-past eleven, at night, a rally was made among the men by the officers, to retake the brig; but when getting on deck, and seeing the shattered condition of our sails and rigging, made much worse by our own doings, together with the close proximity of the frigates, one of which lay so near as to be able to see our movements and intentions from her deck, by the unusual clearness of the moon-light night, and could have given us a full broadside before we could have filled away, the project was abandoned as impracticable.
The Fifer through all these proceedings, kept aloof, disdained touching aught to which he had no claim, declaring, "I never saw such waste in my born days — I was not aware before of being among drunkards, thieves and robbers. I can't see how men with any pretensions to honesty, can meddle with what belongs to others." He appeared much astonished at what he saw, and more than once said, he would assist in securing the ringleaders of those mostly concerned in cutting up the sails and cordage, and bringing them to punishment. So much was his mind taken up with the waste of the brig's armament, that his own affairs were a secondary consideration; and his disinterestedness was such, as to leave to others the task of taking care of his hammock and blanket, when leaving the brig for the frigates. His friends took such especial care of them, that they never more troubled the owner, much to his chagrin, and imprecation, when their loss taught him the value of "looking after his own duds."