Rudy told me this morning about this influenza, it’s been spreading across the country and it’s hit New York. He’s got his entire family wearing surgical masks, and he handed one to me too. He told me there were too many strangers in our midst, and I was handling all their money, breathing all their air. I told him I’d look a fool if I wore it. In my mind I was thinking that maybe I already did have it. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
Mazie’s Diary, October 4, 1918
There’s new rules now for theaters, courtesy of our public health department. They’re closing us down during the day and staggering our openings at nights. Rumor is they’ll start shutting us down if we’re not up to snuff. More and more people on the streets in surgeons’ masks.
I retched again a few times. They’re quarantining people all over the place. I might offer myself up for it. I don’t want to, but I’ll do it.
Mazie’s Diary, October 8, 1918
Rudy came to the cage this morning, just to tip his hat to me. We were making our pleasantries and then the sickness in my stomach started up again and I retched in front of him. Just once, it was violent and it was over. I had time enough to make it out of my cage.
I said: It comes and goes. Just for a few weeks now.
He said: Is it in the mornings?
I didn’t say anything and then he didn’t say anything. I watched him control his mouth until he couldn’t anymore.
He said: I got four kids at home. Four times I’ve seen my wife have morning sickness. I don’t want to make any assumptions or assertions of course.
I said: Of course you don’t.
He said: I’m just telling you. Sometimes when women get sick in the morning it means something.
I didn’t say a goddamn thing after that. He told me he’d send someone to clean up my mess. I just wanted him to leave and then he finally did.
Mazie’s Diary, October 11, 1918
More rules for the theaters. We’re to leave our doors open during the day, and the building must be well ventilated and clean. We have to instruct all our patrons not to cough, sneeze, or smoke. Good luck with all of that.
Rudy saw me retching again. Told me if I had the influenza I’d be dead by now.
He said: All I’m saying is, maybe it’s something else.
I said: Shut up, Rudy.
Lydia Wallach
The other reason why my family was so enamored with Mazie was her scandalous existence. This was a group of people in love with the drama of the cinematic experience. They loved a good show. And, from what I heard, Mazie put on a really good show for a while there.
Mazie’s Diary, October 12, 1918
It ain’t the flu. Well at least I ain’t dying. At least there’s that.
Mazie’s Diary, October 15, 1918
There are two kinds of doctors for babies. I asked around. I got names of both kinds. I could walk out my front door and walk five blocks one way or ten blocks another. One way I got a baby for life, the other way I got nothing in my belly but room for the next drink.
Mazie’s Diary, October 16, 1918
I’m a fiend for cigarettes right now. I can’t take a lick of booze so the cigarettes are the only thing keeping me calm. Rosie doesn’t like the cigarettes in the house.
She said: You’re a chimney these days! Your teeth’ll turn yellow before their time. You’ll be a young woman with an old woman’s smile. Think about that before you light another one.
I try to steer clear of her when I can. I don’t want her to know. I don’t want to hear it from her. I can’t bear to hear it from her.
Mazie’s Diary, October 18, 1918
Goddamn that captain. Goddamn him to hell for showing up and screwing me and leaving. His postcards don’t mean a thing to me.
Mazie’s Diary, October 21, 1918
She knows. They all do.
I came home tonight, hoping to hide. There’s a chill out there now, a fall chill, but still I was drenched through and through. I’m a mess lately, nothing to be done about it. But they were all sitting around the living room, Louis and Rosie and Ethan and Jeanie, playing cards. Louis was showing them some sleight-of-hand tricks. A bottle of something or other was open. The two happy couples coupling. I had someone once too, I wanted to say. But I didn’t even know if that was true. It was only for a night. Rosie called to me, told me to come sit with them.
I said: I’m tired.
Rosie said: Come on now, we’re having a good time.
Jeanie said: We never see you anymore.
I sat down next to Ethan on the couch. He and Jeanie were holding hands, and she had her head on his shoulder. Aren’t they sweet, I was thinking, but I was being sour in my mind. Ethan grinned at me. He has so many teeth in that mouth of his, and he’s so eager with his smiles. He’s like a giant child. Sometimes friendly is too friendly if you ask me.
Then I smelled him. I wasn’t trying to, but the scent came right off him. Earth from a stable. I don’t mind that smell usually, but tonight it seemed like death, like a dead body was sitting right next to me on my own couch. I started to gag. Somehow I kept it down. But when I looked up, everyone was looking at me.
Rosie said: Are you sick?
I said: I’m not sick.
Rosie looked me up and down. Oh that woman is so sharp! Why does she have to be so sharp?
She said: You look fat.
I said: No, you’re fat.
She said: Even if I am fat, I am the exact same fat as always. You, however, are not the same as always, Miss Mazie.
I said: Why don’t you mind your own weight and leave mine out of it?
She said: I’ve heard you retching too, not just now. You think I don’t hear what’s going on in my own home?
Ethan pulled back and stared at me, and Jeanie too. Louis was just shuffling and cutting the cards, not looking at a thing. I was not holding up my end of the argument.
Rosie said: I never knew anyone who liked her pretty dresses as much as you, Mazie. What happens when you can’t fit in them anymore?
I said: I suppose I’ll be buying some new dresses then.
Rosie said: Why are you getting fat, Mazie?
And then we came to the end, I thought.
Louis said: Ethan, did I ever tell you about the time I met Rosie?
Ethan said: Not as far as I can recall, Louis.
Louis said: It was a beautiful day at the track.
Rosie said: We’re talking about Mazie here.
Louis ignored her. He was having his say.
He said: It was a beautiful day at the track. Rosie was seventeen years old, and she had her hair up in braids around her head and a dress that fit just so.
Louis outlined the shape of Rosie’s body with his hands.
He said: I could not have ignored her if I tried. Girls didn’t wear makeup then like they do now, but she had her face on. You were like a young tigress is what you were, Rosie Phillips.
He said this in such a passionate way it was like his desire for her became physically present in the room. Maybe it was my heat and maybe it was my hormones but I swore I saw little heart-shaped arrows darting from his eyes in her direction. Oh lord, he’s a sweaty, bald, fat man, but I would have melted for him too. All anyone ever wants is to be desired, but especially girls like us, the ones with the meanest father in the world.
He said: You were a beer wench. I was there on business.
Rosie said: I was the boss of all the other beer wenches.
He said: You were the boss of me is what you were. A bossy bitch. And I loved you from the start.
Rosie said: You did. You chased me the whole season.
He said: I did, and I caught you. And do you remember what I told you when I finally caught you? When you finally agreed to be my bride? I said that your family was my family, and your joys were my joys, and your problems were my problems. And that I would take care of you.