I realised, with a flash of insight, that this was what was bringing these Middle Eastern children out on the streets. I realised that they just wanted to be like us. Those children don’t want to have to go to the mosque five times a day when they could be hanging out with their friends by a bus shelter, by a phone booth or in a bar. They don’t want their families to tell them who they can and can’t marry. They might very well not want to marry at all and just have a series of partners. I mean, that’s what a lot of people do. It is no secret, after that serial in the Daily Mail, that that is what I do. I don’t necessarily need the commitment. Why should they not have the same choices as me? They want the freedom to fly off for their holidays on easy Jet. I know some will say that what a lot of them want is just one square meal a day or the chance of a drink of clean water, but on the whole the poor aren’t the ones on the street and would not be my target audience. They aren’t going to change anything, otherwise why are they so poor? The ones who come out on the streets are the ones who have TVs. They’ve seen how we live, and they want to spend.
And so I had my inspiration.
All of a sudden I knew there was a better way to spend the taxpayer’s money. I didn’t know the latest Treasury estimates of our various military operations but they were enormous and growing all the time. At the time of writing we were operating in fifteen different countries, five of them officially. Because the reasons for our overseas interventions are sometimes complex and politically quite sophisticated, the sad fact is that sometimes the general public does not always appreciate the value of these operations. Who can blame them? Some of our involvements overseas have been going on an awfully long time.
But, I reflected, there are other institutions which we also traditionally spend money on without making much effort to understand the value of the investment. For example, there is the BBC World Service. What’s that for? It’s protected by charter and much as I would like to have taken an axe to it during the earlier years of our government, I knew I could not touch it. I also had to admit that a lot of people listened to it and, I speculated, does that not demonstrate an enormous thirst for information about the European and in particular the British way of life? I have never listened to the World Service myself. I imagined from looking at some of the programme lists that it was mostly repeats of Farming Today or recent speeches in the European Parliament or magazine programmes about tribal rituals in the Congo, and this made me realise that there were audiences in the Arab world and beyond who really must be desperate for a glimpse of a world beyond their own. So, what would they do if they had access to a really zippy British-owned and-controlled TV channel? The idea I developed that winter was to set up a TV station called, let’s say for argument’s sake, Voice of Britain. From the outset I was enthralled by the possibilities and I determined to produce a pilot of a show, in order to take it to the boss. We scripted the show with Noel Edmonds in mind as presenter, but his agent wasn’t keen on the idea. In the end we used a lookalike presenter from al-Jazeera for the pilot. The other problem was that the contestants spoke either Farsi, Pashto, Arabic or Urdu and we needed to put the show out in English, so simultaneous translators were needed. But on the whole I think it worked extremely well.
26
Episode One (Duration 30 minutes), Prizes for the People
[Title sequence]
[00.30]
[Theme music]
[Presenter welcome and introduction]
[00.30]
[Presenter is standing in the ruins of a village.]
Muhammad Jaballah (in vision):
‘Good evening. I’m Muhammad Jaballah, and I’m standing here in the middle of the village of Dugan in the Northern Frontier District of Pakistan. The villagers of Dugan have been going through a tough time recently, as their government battles for the control of the area with the Taliban and al-Qaeda. But now things are about to change for them. They are going to join me in my new show, a show that will test the wits of contestants from all over the Middle East and Asia. And, if they get the right answers, their lives will undergo the most incredible transformation. They will win prizes beyond their wildest dreams. Welcome to our great new show, [Theme music] Prizes for the People.’
’
[Still photograph of a Pakistani male in his early twenties.]
Male voice⁄over:
‘Farrukh from Dugan will be our first contestant. But for now let’s learn more about Dugan, the wonderful village which Farrukh comes from.’
[Presenter location link]
[00.60]
Dugan, Northern Frontier District, Pakistan
Presenter walks through the ruins of drystone-walled houses, surrounded by the remains of an almond grove in blossom. Blackened stumps indicate a recent fire. Presenter stops in front of the remains of one house distinguished by a bomb crater in front of it.
Muhammad Jaballah (in vision):
‘This is Dugan, once a thriving village in the north of Pakistan, set amidst beautiful almond groves with snowcapped mountains behind. A lovely place, and in a moment we’ll meet the lovely people who live here. Sadly, as you can see, a Tomahawk cruise missile landed here a few months ago and did some damage. The house behind me was Farrukh’s and unfortunately the explosion knocked down most of the building, and some of Farrukh’s family were fatalities. But, hey, that’s why we’re here-to try and bring a smile back onto the faces of Farrukh and his friends.’
[Presenter studio]
[00.40]
Muhammad Jaballah is now seen on set, in the studio. He is wearing black robes edged with gold. In the background are cutout images of sand dunes. An inflated plastic camel pokes its head up above the dunes while Muhammad speaks.
Muhammad Jaballah (in vision):
‘Tonight Farrukh and his friends from his village, Imran and Hassan, will compete in the very first show of Prizes for the People. I am thrilled to have this opportunity to change their lives. This is more than just a quiz show we’re going to do good.’
The camera pans across to two chairs facing each other centre stage at the front of the set.
[Theme music]
The first contestant, Farrukh, enters from stage left and walks across to sit opposite Muhammad.
[Applause]
Male v⁄o:
‘And now, a big welcome for…Farrukh from Dugan!’