“How did you find this?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Sometimes things find you. The wonderful things that completely change your view on life.”
Carter looks at me as he speaks, and part of me wonders if he’s just talking about this place. Of course he is, though. It’s not me. I don’t really want it to be me.
“It’s really beautiful,” I say.
“It is,” he says. His eyes are so bright that I can’t look away from them. A smile creeps up on the side of his mouth, and his whole face lights up as the magic stirs with something less expected. Look away.
I clear my throat, mostly because I don’t know what to say. Carter sits on the ground next to the edge of the hill so his feet hang over. After a few seconds, I sit next to him.
“This is what you do with your afternoons?”
“Sometimes. When I’m not tracking,” he says. He gets this far-off look on his face and I wonder what he’s thinking. It’s serious, by the way his brow furrows and his jaw tenses. I want to ask him why he tracks demons, because I know that it takes something serious to make someone risk it all. I start to ask when he talks again.
“I come here to think. It calms me down.”
“Think about what?”
Carter doesn’t look at me, but I’m a little grateful for that.
“What I said to you before in the alley, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” he says. I shake my head and start to say it’s okay but he keeps talking. “This is my space. When I have things on my mind that don’t make sense. When you left me there yesterday, I came here. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter.”
“What doesn’t matter?”
“That question. ‘What are you?’ I wonder what I am all the time. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit, you know?” he says. I completely know. I know better than anyone could know. “Here it doesn’t matter because this is just one city in a really big world. If I don’t belong here, there are other options. Maybe I just haven’t found the best one yet.”
Wow. I never think that way and it’s a pretty idea, but if I don’t have magic then what I am really? My whole existence has always been magic—learning it, losing it, getting it back, and then being an Enforcer. It’s what I want. All I want. Maybe he doesn’t have anything like that, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, doing anything else.
“You’ll find a place,” I say. He looks at me again, and his eyes are bright and intense. I swallow down a lump in my throat. “I mean, I think you will.”
Carter stands and pulls me up from the ground. I lean into him from the force of his pull. Even though I shouldn’t, I wonder what his lips would be like on mine. It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to be kissing anyone’s lips anytime soon. I have enough memories. Not that they’re that good. There was Bobby Weimer, Jason Prevoy, and Mickey Tanner from that dreadful three months during junior year. I bet Carter’s kiss is way better than any of them.
“We should go,” he says quickly. I nod my head and steal one more look over the edge before we leave.
Carter pulls up outside my house. The ride home was nice, if not a little awkward. I did learn a bit about him—one thing being that his taste in music doesn’t suck. The other being that his car smells like nutmeg, which is a wonderful smell to be trapped in.
“Thanks,” I say, unbuckling my seat belt. “That was fun.”
“Fun?” he says, his eyes wide. “I succeeded in providing fun?”
“You did,” I say with a smile.
He honks the horn and I jump. “Alert the WNN! Penelope Grey smiled.”
I start to get out of the car and then I remember what tomorrow is and take my hand off the door handle. I should see if he can be there. Connie is coming tomorrow, but if Carter is there then I’m sure to be okay. I think. How far away from him do I have to be for his magic to work? What if I move too far from Connie? It’s better to have a fallback plan.
“I have a proposition,” I say.
“I’m not that type of guy,” Carter replies. I bite my lip. This is stupid. I shouldn’t ask him. I don’t really need him. I start to open the door again, but he touches my arm. “What is it?”
“I’m taking my magic test tomorrow for the Enforcer examinations,” I say. His eyes widen, but I keep talking so I don’t lose the nerve. I’m not really an ask-a-favor kind of girl. “My sister is coming so I can use my magic because I really want to do this, and I have passed everything else, but her magic only works within a certain distance and I don’t know what ours can do but if you don’t have any plans it would mean a lot to me if you would be there. Just in case I need more magic and can’t use Connie’s. I mean, if that’s weird then okay. You don’t have to. But you know, if you can I will owe you.”
When I stop to take a breath, he’s just staring at me. He doesn’t say anything at first, so yeah, that was stupid. “Never mind,” I say. I open the door and get out of the car. I’m on the sidewalk when he rolls down his window.
“I’ll be there,” he says.
I turn back. “You’ll be there?”
“That’s what I said. I’ll be there if you need my magic.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes,” he says. “Just tell me why it matters—being an Enforcer.”
Why it matters? “It’s the only thing that matters. It’s like you said: I’ll never find my place in this world without this. Being an Enforcer is tied to who am I, and who I can be.”
“But it’s not all that you are, or all that you can be.”
“It is right now,” I say.
Carter’s eyes focus in on me, and then he nods slowly. “What time?”
“Eight,” I say.
“Done.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You owe me now.”
“What do I owe you?”
“We’ll talk about it when you pass tomorrow.”
Then he drives away, leaving me on the sidewalk. He really is kind of crazy. In a charming sort of way.
At dinner, Pop asks about the exams and Gran flinches. I ignore her. I don’t need her nerves on top of the ones I’m already feeling.
“Tomorrow is the magic test,” I say.
Pop smiles, only for a moment before hiding it away. Even though I can still see the twinkle of pride in his eyes. “That’s good, Penelope.”
“It is good because tomorrow all this nonsense will be over,” Gran says. We all look at her. “Who wants dessert?”
“It’s not going to be over, Gran. I’m going to pass.”
She waves me off. “There’s no way they will pass you when you don’t have magic.”
“I’ve made it this far without magic,” I say.
“Yes, dear, but tomorrow is the day it matters the most. How do you plan to pull that off?”
Connie speaks up for me. “I’ll be there tomorrow. She’ll have me.” I’ll also have Carter, not that they know that.
Gran shakes her head. “What if something doesn’t work out?”
“It will,” I snap.
“Yes, we will both see,” she says. Pop sends her a silent look and Gran clears her throat. “I’ll get the dessert.”
When she leaves the room Connie pats my hand. “It’s going to work out, Penelope.”
“I know,” I say. I hope. Between Connie and Carter, I really hope it’s enough for me.
Pop stands. “I’m going to help your gran,” he says. Before he leaves the kitchen, he kisses me on the top of my head. Whatever happens, I know he’s proud of me. I just hope that when I succeed, Gran will be too.
Chapter Ten
The next morning passes in a blur. I wake up on autopilot, trying not to think about anything. Ric drives us to the Nucleus House. Ric doesn’t speak to me, at least to my memory, and before I go inside I search the parking lot for Carter’s car. I don’t see it, but I do see Connie’s. At least someone showed up for me.