“No shin kicks.”
“Hey, I do what needs to be done,” I say.
He strikes at me, but I block him. Then I hit him once with magic on his neck. He looks surprised before he counters. We’re a balance, perfectly measured. One attack countered with another. Neither of us is winning.
Then I see the sky from the corner of my eye. It’s that shade of orange right before sunrise, and I wonder what time it is. That’s how I miss his next move, only to end up with my butt against the mat. I stare up at him, both of us breathing hard. There’s a slight smirk on his face. He blinks and his expression disappears, gone almost as quickly as he is from me, moving across the room faster than I can track. Like maybe I’m water and he’s fire and just being near me is dangerous. Like I’m a girl he’s just remembered has cooties.
“You aren’t trying hard enough,” Carter says. His face is unreadable. He’s close enough that I can see the lines on his forehead deepen, but I’m not sure what it means, aside from annoyance, which is completely unreasonable. He’s the one being childish.
“I am trying.”
“You got distracted by the sky,” he says back.
I scowl at him and cross my arms. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“That’s not a good excuse.”
“I have a lot going on,” I say, tossing my hands in the air.
“You’re not alone there,” Carter says, running his hand down the back of his neck. The place where I zapped him earlier is starting to welt. He sighs. “What’s going on?
Where do I start? My family has this secret that I can’t even begin to figure out. My magic is different and I don’t know how to fix it. My best friend won’t even look at me. Demons are everywhere. We have a test in five days, I keep having nightmares and I can’t stop wanting you to kiss me. No. Not that one.
Instead I say, “Have you been looking into what Vassago told you?”
He tenses and gets quiet. I expect a story or a reason, but he doesn’t give one. “Not really. I don’t think it’s worth it. In fact, I’m trying not to think about him. Have you?”
“I keep having these nightmares and he’s telling me to open my eyes. Every night.” I lower myself to sit on one of the steps.
Carter sits beside me, arms draped over his knees. “Why are your eyes closed?”
“They’re not, but he keeps telling me they are and yelling at me to look for the truth.” I shrug, feeling the weight of everything I’ve been trying to find and ignore, crashing down on me. “But I already am.”
“Are you sure? Maybe whatever you’re looking for is right in front of you.” His voice is heavy. The way he says it, like he’s talking from experience, makes me stop. I know his mom left, but has he given up finding answers about her? Has he learned something that made him stop?
I have my own problems.
“We should go meet Ellore,” I say. Carter pulls me up from the step. His hand is warm in mine, and I barely admit to myself that I like it there when he takes it back.
Ellore makes us spend the next four hours practicing magical maneuvers. She’s happier with our progress, but she pushes us even more. “Happiness equals sloppiness.”
Each time his fingers graze any part of my body, every nerve inside me tingles. It puts me off my game, even though Ellore tells us that it’s the best we’ve ever been as a team.
I rush out the door after, because even though we are working together, being near him makes me nervous. Each glance feels like Carter can see through me now, past all the things I don’t like to show. It’s unnerving.
Instead of going home, I drive around in circles for a bit and then go the library. Hyde and Seak are both there, staring at me, but no Poncho.
I’ve read every hit in the database on Azsis from attacks to spottings to speculation now, and this all feels like a really big ball of things that make no sense.
There’s nothing on Alfie Spencer that’s of any consequence, and Emmaline Spencer doesn’t seem to exist at all. I’ve combed through the entire library for information, and even with Poncho’s help, it’s all come up empty. Dead ends.
The only thing left to research is the Restitution Ritual to get my magic back. But without a demon to perform it on, it’s futile. Still, I read from that one book in the library that mentions it, but that sucks too. It’s hard to formulate a plan when you don’t have the key ingredient.
Then there’s Vassago, who pulls up more information and books and legends than anyone combined. I don’t really know what I’m looking for with him. He’s a riddle in and of himself. I’m tired. Of all of this.
I can’t stay here. This isn’t helping.
I write Poncho a note saying I came by and turn to leave, but stop when I hear Carter’s voice, coming through the aisles of books clear as day.
“Poncho, you said there’s no information on Vassago and what—” He stops when he sees me. Poncho comes in, Carter beside him, and both of them look at me, surprised.
“Pen,” Carter starts.
I cross my arms. “I thought you were trying not to think about Vassago.”
“Wait, this isn’t—it’s not what you think, Pen,” he says.
“Then what is it?” He says I’m distracted, but he’s the exact same as me. He tells me to trust him, I let myself think I can let him in, and then he lies. It may not be a big deal to him, but I’m so confused by all this. I feel like I’m standing on the edge and if someone breathes wrong then I’m going to fall over.
His lips form a line, and Carter puts the books down on the table. “Why are you here?”
I shake my head. “I’m looking for the truth, remember? The one you didn’t think was worth it.”
Carter takes a step toward me, I take a step back. The change on his face is instant, from surprised curiosity to hard and angry to exhausted.
“I didn’t say that, exactly.”
Poncho looks between the two of us. “You two know each other?”
“We’re Paired,” I say.
A look crosses Poncho’s face, and he starts to say something, then he walks off without a word. I watch Carter watching him disappear down a stack, Hyde and Seak jumping off the desk and following him. When my phone beeps the same time as Carter’s—the WNN alert again—I take the distraction as an opportunity to leave.
In my car, this song from the Skeller Bones is playing. I miss Ric. He’d totally have some joke right now about all this. Or he’d know what to say to make me feel better. Or he’d say nothing and distract me with something shiny.
I pull my phone out to text him at a red light, but the last six messages I sent glare back at me with no response. I can’t text him again.
My phone beeps and it’s Carter. With a huff, I throw it in my cup holder.
I suck at all things boy.
I don’t want to deal with this now.
I want to pretend, just for one second, that things make sense again.
I want to run.
Chapter Twenty-One
A run had been a terrible idea. I bend over, gasping for air. This shouldn’t have worn me out. I’ve run this path before. Maybe Connie was right about me needing a break. Not that I have time for a break. I stand again, pressing my hands against my hips. I’m panting like a fish out of water. Calm down; take a breath. But each breath gets trapped in my stomach. I lower myself to the ground and count. I feel like crying, and I really have no idea why.
Being a girl sucks.
When I catch my breath I stand again, the sun dimming and lowering around me. Gran and Pop and Connie are probably already on their way to Thomas’s house for a party, but I should get back to my car before it’s dark. I can’t get lost out here without a phone. I take about four steps when I hear it.