Sam grabbed the young Crumptonian by a fold of her hide and hauled her backwards. “Are you insane? That bid sounds ridiculously low. We’ll lose everything if we accept them. Don’t you realize what a bad deal this is?”
Brill turned ultramarine. “It is? Well, friend Sam, I know that you are a better judge of these matters than I, but maybe we should let Mardnnn handle matters. It is his money, you know.”
Sam counted to one hundred and then stopped, a glimmer of an idea in the back of his mind. Sam was puzzled; why were the two bidding such wildly different amounts? It was as if they were operating in two different number systems. Wait a minute! Maybe they were using different monetary systems. He didn’t know the galactic conventions but that made some sort of sense.
“Are they making sense to you?” he asked.
“Oh yes. They are very close in value,” Brill replied.
“Then I think we should continue the bidding,” Sam announced, hoping his suspicions were correct. “But, just to keep things easily understood, let’s all use Earth dollars as the medium. Is that agreeable?”
“Vladish humans, know nothing of selling,” bubbled Mardnnn and busied himself stroking the orange pimple that his daughter (or was Town now a son?) sported. Sam couldn’t understand why Mardnnn was so fascinated with Townrrr’s color-clashing growth. As he wondered he waited for the other aliens to consider his suggestion. He prayed that his guess might be correct.
“A-hem, yes; Ah shall,” the bean pod coughed, “but you must give me ample time to do the necessary conversions.”
Bingo! He had guessed right. Each had been using their own medium of exchange. Now if only the Peq…
“I will extend the same courtesy,” Ahbbbb hummed. “I shall convert as well.”
YES!!! Sam’s heart lifted at once. There was a possibility at last. “Let us begin where we left off.” He turned to the bean pod. “You were bidding, I believe?”
“Seven hundred thousand,” the bean pod answered with much flurrying of its digits. “Is that how this is done?”
As Sam nodded his head the Peq spoke. “HmmmmmHmm. Hmmmmmm mmmHmm hhmm. Can I say seven hundred and fifty thousand?”
“If you do I will say eight hundred thousand,” the bean pod spit back.
“I have an open bid of one and a half million,” Sam reminded them.
“I cannot go beyond nine hundred and seventy-five thousand,” the Peq hummed angrily.
“Nor can Ah,” bean pod added.
“One and a half million is the bid,” Sam said again.
“Are you sure that you are doing the right thing, friend Sam?” Brill whispered hurriedly.
“Let me handle this,” Sam said as he pushed Brill back. Was Brill so dense that she couldn’t understand the rudiments of negotiating?
“You are not doing this the galactic way,” Brill argued. “You are asking them to value the goods higher than they want to—that’s bad business! Stop this now—we don’t need the money.”
“The hell we don’t! If we can’t get these two to pony up the million we can’t pay back your father.”
“That’s not quite true, friend Sam. I have the leftover funds that Townrrr gave me. After all, they were my ’zines.”
Sam choked. “Do you mean that she sold that collection of sci-fi crap for over a million dollars?”
Brill rocked back in surprise. “Of course. Didn’t I mention that the Ligonian offered us fifty thousand galax credits—that’s over five million earth dollars—for the collection? And after Townrrr’s marriage ceremony she had two million left.”
“TWO MILLION!” Sam shouted, making everyone in the room snap to attention. “No bid,” he apologized, “just thinking out loud as to what I thought the collection is really worth.” He did a quick calculation and realized that was more than enough to pay back Mardnnn and still have something left over. Their problems were over!
HMMMMM. MMHM! “I cannot go anywhere near that figure. It is outrageous!”Ahbbbb sneered.
“Agree. Completely out of bounds,” the bean pod snapped.
“Yes. Shut up, Shammmm,” Mardnnn groused.
“So she spent three million dollars on that orange thing?” Sam whispered hurriedly to Brill. “Is it something like a wedding ring—an outward sign of commitment?” He was bemused by the discovery that these aliens were as sentimental as their human counterparts. It was rather charming, as a matter of fact. Idly, he wondered what Mrs. Townrrr and Mrs. Mardnnn wore. He’d never seen either one, come to think about it.
Brill interrupted his train of thought by laughing a film of golden spit. “Oh, friend Sam, you are so funny!” she said and slapped Sam s shoulder repeatedly with her tentacle. “That pimple as you call it isn’t a symbol. That is rrr—Town’s wife!” Brill sighed, “Don’t you think that they make a lovely couple? And she looks a lot like mother, don’t you think?”
“Urk,” Sam gurgled.
“As Ah said before, eight hundred thousand dollars is all Ah can offer!” bean pod pronounced and slapped all of its arms sharply to its side. “It is a shame that Ah is denied this precious lode.”
Sam was startled at the remark; he had lost track of the bidding while talking to Brill.
Hmmmmmmmmm. “I can only offer nine hundred and fifty thousand,” the Peq thumped its bladders as the balky translator stuttered softly. “I not have more funds.” With that she slumped forlornly. “I must let the collection go.”
“Don’t let them stop,” Brill whispered desperately. “Tell them that we accept!”
“And let them know that we tried to cheat them with your bid?” Sam shot back. “I don’t care to add fraud to my crimes.”
Sam considered the two dejected aliens. Could it be that these galactics were as innocent of basic business sense as they seemed? Couldn’t they see the obvious solution before them?
“Have you considered,” he began with a smile and rubbing his hands together, “combining your bids and sharing the magazines between you? I assume that the two of you are interested in very different parts of the magazines. I am sure that we can allocate them amicably.”
The Peq and the bean pod stood stock-still for long moments before one of them moved closer to the other. “Would you do that?” the Peq hummed. “Would you give me the parts you would not use?”
“Only if you were to do likewise,” the bean pod replied.
“Excellent,” Sam pronounced. “Now what would your final bid on these magazines be?”
“MMmmMHMMmm. Why, one million, seven hundred thousand and fifty Earth dollars. Did I add our two amounts right?”
“I am certain that you did,” Sam smoothly assured the bean pod and the Peq. “Matter of fact, I won’t even check the figures, I trust you so much. Now if you will just transfer the funds we can conclude this business and you can pick up your goods. Thank you—it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”
Brill escorted the two to pick up their purchases while Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Now he had enough money to replenish Maidnnn’s account.
“Auction bidding,” Mardnnn remarked with admiration evident in his voice. “Interesting way to resolve their problem. How’d you get the idea to let them share?”
“Oh,” Sam replied with a twinkle in his eye, “It was the only ration-al choice.”
Brill sat across the table and counted out the galactic script in nice piles of twenty-four credits each as Sam looked admiringly on. “There is enough left for me to put some away enough for a decent platform,” the young Crumptonian remarked as he shoved one pile across the table. “And there is a not inconsiderable amount for your trouble, friend Sam.”