“No, not at all. Wait, I meant yes. No, that isn’t right either. Damn it, Town, I don’t understand any of this!”
But Town obviously wasn’t listening to him. “I didn’t ask to come to this dreadful planet and leave all of my friends behind. No, but father insisted, said he had an obligation to show us the Universe, to make us aware of how some of the more deprived races had to live. The desolate and barely habitable Earth, he said, would be an education, something we could frighten our children with for years and years!”
“I see,” said Sam, wondering how much of this viewpoint he should convey to the rest of humanity. Perhaps it would be best to say nothing. Let them find out for themselves, he decided.
“I tried to keep a good foot on it,” Town continued, “but it has been hard on me. Earth was fun when I was Brill’s age; always someplace to go, something new to see, to experience, some new scheme to play with. But now that I am maturing I’m starting to see things differently. You do think I am maturing, don t you, Sam?” she pleaded as she stroked the broad end of her immobile leg coquettishly and wiggled her eye stalk at him.
“Absolutely,” Sam said immediately as he watched the tip of her tentacle pass back and forth along the short, blue-green elephantine limb, not wanting to offend. “Very mature, practically grown up already, if I might say so. Yes, mature is the right word.” Was he babbling?
“Oh, you are such a dear,”Town said, springing erect and caressing Sam’s cheek with her tentacle. “Now, could you give me forty thousand from father’s account to pay for the formalities? That’s Earth dollars, of course.”
“For this, er, female infant?” Sam inquired, repeating his earlier question. He wasn’t certain of how the conversation had suddenly shifted back to money.
Town stamped her foot. “Yes, her! My love, the light of my life, the darling little motile that I told you about. I need to pay for the ceremony, it’s my first obligation as an adult—haven’t you been listening to me, Sam?”
Sam considered, going over everything that had been discussed before he answered. “Shouldn’t we wait until your father gets back? I mean, he’s only going to be gone for two weeks and he should certainly be there for such an, uh, auspicious occasion, shouldn’t he? Oh, did I hear you right? You did say ‘forty thousand’ didn’t you?”
Town began to wail, a bubbling, keening sound that set Sam’s teeth on edge. “But she’ll be too old by then! I have to do this now, right away, or at least in the next few days,” she amended hastily. “Certainly before father returns. Sam, love like this doesn’t happen every day. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, something that I might regret forever if I let it drift away. I might never find love again—think of that, Sam—I would have to go through life as an unloved, unbred, unwanted adult. Do you really want me to be a miserable, lonely—”
“All right, all right—I get the picture!” He hesitated. How many laws would he be breaking if he did what she asked? According to what he knew of this state’s statutes he’d be abetting a pedophilic lesbian, which would certainly raise a few eyebrows. Wait a minute; would those laws apply to a non-human species, he wondered? Given the court’s latest wave of liberal interpretations of the laws they might not even apply to humans!
“Forty thousand, you said?” he asked, hoping that repetition would somehow lessen the total needed. When Town nodded he reached for the checkbook. It was only after Town left, humming happily, that Sam considered the coincidental timing of her request with the departure of her father. That raised a disturbing possibility: Would Mardnnn really have approved if he’d still been here?
Cold beads of sweat began to form on Sam’s forehead. Perhaps the better part of wisdom would be to put a stop on the check. Yes, he decided, he would definitely put a hold on the forty thousand until he thought this through. He would wait until he had thoroughly tested the waters with Town. Yes, he would have to have another talk with her. Matter of fact, the sooner the better.
He raced out of the office.
Sam couldn’t locate Town anywhere. He left a message at Galactic Hall for her to contact him should she show up there for her weekly bridge club, and then started working his way through the directory of all the resident Crumptonians in the vicinity. None of them, it seemed, had seen her since the previous day.
He ran into Brill on the street and explained his predicament. “So you see,” he concluded, “I simply must find her so I can explain why the check I gave her is going to bounce.” And to find out more about this marriage business, he added silently to himself. “Wouldn’t want to see her embarrass herself, would we, eh Brill?”
Brill shook his tentacle slowly. “I’ll bet it’s Schlubbb again—up to his old tricks. Pops told me how he keeps trying to work his line into our family, pushing his sprat at every opportunity, trying to adhere their grasping feet to our family platform. Why, they even approached me, of all people! Said they had just the motile for me. Can you imagine that? I mean, it borders on child abuse, wouldn’t you say?”
Sam wasn’t sure of what to say. About the only thing he could think of at the moment was relief that he had inadvertently prevented Town from putting a foot into something her father would definitely disapprove of. Thank heavens for small favors. He let out a sigh of relief.
“Well, friend Sam,” Brill continued without pause, “I must be off. Have to finalize the deal on those ’zines, you know, and make our fortune. I’ll tell Town what a fool she’s being, if I see her.”
“Yes, you do that,” Sam replied and headed back for the office, glad that something had gone his way for a change. At least he could go to Orlando with a clear conscience.
And perhaps it would be best that he not confront Town as he had planned.
Sam was sitting in the departure lounge with a cool drink in one hand, awaiting the announcement of his flight to Orlando. He was very happy. Brill had made the connection, beaten the magazine collector down to just under a round million, and closed the transaction the previous day. Now it was just a matter of waiting for her buyer to arrive and depositing the funds from the sale back into Mardnnn’s account. By the time he returned from Orlando there would be an enormous pile of profits just waiting for him to wallow in.
The thought of that, and the more anticipated one of sitting beside a hotel pool—soaking up the Florida sunshine, and contemplating his navel, or any exposed feminine one that might be in the vicinity—made him tingle with anticipated pleasure. The fact that Mardnnn would be paying for the time he spent in Orlando only put the gloss on his expectations. He sipped on his cocktail while admiring the slender form of a nearby blonde who was messing with her luggage. He contemplated whether she would be on his flight. That, he thought, would put a bit of icing on the old cake, so to speak. Perhaps he should offer to help her and…
At that instant his blood turned to ice water as a familiar form hove into sight. Sam shook his head, disbelieving his eyes. He looked again, staring hard to dismiss the apparition that had inexplicably appeared in the crowded terminal.
Coming directly toward him, being carried along by some sweating and straining porters, was Mardnnn, his boss! Apparently Mardnnn had not been treated well, for a froth of bubbling viridian foam encircled his air hole and gobbets of green spit dotted the porter’s uniforms. “Vladish humans!” Mardnnn screamed at them. “Faster!”
Sam slumped in his seat, hoping that by doing so he could reduce the possibility that Mardnnn would notice him. Perhaps he could evade discovery long enough to…