Because she had made him deviate.
Jude took two sips from her cup and placed it on the table next to Sylvia’s, so that they sat side by side like twins. Then it was a simple matter of redirecting the girls’ attention with a trivia question about Elvis, one that had no answer, and reaching accidentally for Sylvia’s cup, and drinking from it, and making sure that he noticed. And now she stood in his bathroom, seven hours later, exhausted and marking time by counting her heartbeats and wondering what she could use as a weapon, while blood ran down her thigh.
Jude was bleeding, still.
Maybe it was her period, she thought. Her cycle was altered, and almost nonexistent, but it did come around eventually. She was starting to hope that it was menstrual, after all, because the other choice was that he had ruptured something inside her and she was hemorrhaging.
Jude reckoned she had ninety seconds to act.
There was nothing under the sink. Nothing in the narrow closet but a few ratty towels and spare toilet paper. The medicine cabinet contained only the most essential toiletries. Mouthwash and hair gel, a blue toothbrush in a cup, a sliver of soap. She reached for the mouthwash, rinsed her mouth and spat. She looked left and right, listening to her heartbeat. This building was constructed in the 1920s, before there was plastic. The towel racks were slim pieces of iron bolted to the wall. She gave one a tug and imagined she could pry it loose without tools if she were locked in here for a week. The toilet tank lid was an option, but it wasn’t very graceful, and she would need to surprise him. Jude turned to the tub and scanned the wall above it, her thoughts circling the concept of surprise.
She no longer knew where he was. He had been in bed when he dismissed her to the bathroom but now might be anywhere in the dark apartment, and the moment she walked out of the bathroom the advantage was his. Jude would call him to her, when she was ready. She would bring him into her nest. And now her eyes settled on a small round button set in the wall above the bathtub, and she was glad for the days before plastic, because that button was the end of a clothesline that she prayed was not rotten. She climbed into the tub and plucked the button from the wall, and the blood surged in her, for the clothesline was a sturdy nylon cord six feet long.
Jude pulled the line until she reached its end. She took a breath and gathered herself, then yanked it from the wall in a single violent twisting motion that burned both hands and showered her with plaster and dust. He might have heard that button pop, she knew. She needed to be faster than him, she needed to act at the speed of animal reflex. Jude prayed for her thoughts to race ahead of her body and let go of her. She would need to draw his eye when she called him to the bathroom, so without agonizing over it she changed her mind about leaving her blood behind. Jude pressed one hand to her bloody thigh, then slapped the wall, and now her handprint was the only source of primary color in the room. And as she stepped from the tub she heard in a back corner of her head not her father’s voice but her own, rattling off a list of everything in the apartment that she had touched, that would need to be scoured for prints. Jude looked down and saw that she had already twisted the cord around one fist, and now the other. She coiled them around and around until she had an appropriate garrote, then unlocked the door and pulled it open with great care, as if she were peeling back the sky and expected a fury of angels to flood through the narrowest crack.
She called his name.
Jude called for help and stepped aside, and waited for him to come.
WEIGHT LESS THAN SHADOW BY JIM NISBET
Golden Gate Bridge
Horatio:…think of it!
The very place puts toys of desperation
Without more motive, into every brain
That looks so many fathoms to the sea
And hears it roar beneath.
– William Shakespeare, Hamlet, I, iv
Baby and I were walking the bridge the day it happened. We had a beautiful afternoon-clear, breezy, plenty of sunshine, bright blue sky-though the traffic thrashed loudly. It was a Sunday, so we’d expected traffic, and all the pedestrians didn’t seem unusual either, at first. Knots of them congregated here and there at the rail, mostly on the western or panoramic side of the bridge, the side that faces the ocean. They pointed and hollered at the sights and at each other, as most strollers on the bridge were wont to do; for the bridge is an exhilarating place, with its soaring height and the constant bluster of salt wind and automobiles.
What was unusual-so it seemed to us-was the range of interest or concern common to every face we were able to see, and, as we looked over the rail, the really extraordinary number of people already caught in the forcefield beyond. Among the latter many were yelling and gesturing at the people still on the sidewalk, as if daring or enticing them to jump. Some were squirming around, practicing their backstrokes midair, and some lay still, in a meditative pose, or cupped a roach against the wind, suspended and quiet.
I should diverge a bit here, as some of you may not be from around these parts. A little over one year ago this particular bridge was a favorite place to go if you were looking to kill yourself. Its central span arcs 254 feet above the sea’s level, at which, because the bridge crosses the entrance to the bay at its most narrow stretch, there is always a powerful current, sometimes as swift as six knots, going one way or another with the tides through this natural venturi. Many bodies of jumpers were never recovered and, up until last year, out of some 700 recorded attempts, only twelve people had survived the plunge.
Upon jumping-whether west, toward the ocean and into the sunset, or east, toward the bay and into a view that commands half the city-if a body didn’t have a heart attack on the way down, the impact at sea level was almost certain to do the job; failing these, one could be swept out to sea and drowned, or die of exposure in the chill waters. Sharks, too, were known to lurk below. In any case, a suicide attempt from this bridge virtually contracted to be beautiful and deadly, a sure combination.
For some time there had been editorial campaigns, meetings, and committees about doing something to prevent these precipitous exits, but the taxpayer’s good money being short, and other problems more pressing within the municipality, and the lack of any effective preventive technique hobbled and bogged down any real progress toward airbrushing this stain off the reputation of the city’s most famous land-mark. The thrust of such prophylactic thinking some took to imply that any time Joe Blow so much as looked at the bridge, all other factors being equal, he must be nearly overwhelmed by an urge to kill himself. These people would have it that such malefic urges must occasionally torque at the breast of the most established citizen, as well as the least, and that such urges are an actual furniture of good citizenship. This eccentric opinion, unexpectedly amplified, moved those sensitive organs of citizenship, the newspapers, to reflect noisily that the citizen might prefer to be insured against the possible or at least facile realization of his own self-destructive impulsions.
Further speculation indicated that this beleaguered citizen, if not himself untimely deceased, may have lost to the bridge someone intrinsic to his social circle, a person handy, for example, at conversation, which, though thought to be excruciatingly dull while its perpetrator was quick among his peers, has since by virtue of its absence been noticed as somehow essential to the arrangement of chairs at dinner. Such a host and the citizenry in general might like to be relieved of this sort of nuisance by the knowledge that when they do happen to rest their eyes upon the bridge, they will see it hung all bristling vigilant with nets, pincers, inner tubes, inflatable vests, lifeguards, searchlights, hooks, pikes, concertina wire, rubber sacks, plastic shields, helipads, etc., in order that unseasonable defection might be reasonably inhibited.