‘They would in you,’ I retorted, and my tu quoque shut him up and seemed to puzzle him. Yet there was much more sense in it than in his compliment to me, which was absolutely pointless.
‘I’m afraid you’ll find things pretty rough,’ he resumed, when he had unstrapped my valise and handed my reins to his man. ‘It’s lucky you’re a bachelor like myself.’
‘I could not quite see the point of this remark either, since, had I been married, I should hardly have sprung my wife upon him in this free-and-easy fashion. I muttered the conventional sort of thing, and then he said I should find it all right when I settled, as though I had come to graze upon him for weeks! ‘Well,’ thought I, ‘these Colonials do take the cake for hospitality!’ And still marvelling, I let him lead me into the private part of the bank.
‘Dinner will be ready in a quarter of an hour,’ said he, as we entered. ‘I thought you might like a tub first, and you’ll find all ready in the room at the end of the passage. Sing out if there’s anything you want. Your luggage hasn’t turned up yet, by the way, but here’s a letter that came this morning.’
‘Not for me?’
‘Yes, didn’t you expect one?’
‘I certainly did not!’
‘Well, here it is.’
‘And as he lit me to my room, I read my own superscription of the previous day – to W.F. Raffles!
‘Bunny, you’ve had your wind bagged at footer, I daresay. You know what that’s like? All I can say is that my moral wind was bagged by that letter as I hope, old chap, I have never yet bagged yours. I couldn’t speak. I could only stand with my own letter in my hands until he had the good taste to leave me by myself.
‘W.F. Raffles! We had mistaken each other for W.F. Raffles – for the new manager who had not yet arrived! Small wonder we had conversed at cross-purposes. The only wonder was that we had not discovered our mutual mistake. How the other man would have laughed! But I – I could not laugh. By Jove, no, it was no laughing matter for me! I saw the whole thing in a flash, without a tremor, but with the direct depression from my own single point of view. Call it callous if you like, Bunny, but remember that I was in much the same hole as you’ve since been in yourself, and that I had counted on W.F. Raffles even as you counted on A.J. I thought of the man with the W.G. beard – the riderless horse with the bloody saddle – the deliberate misdirection that had put me off the track and out of the way – and now the missing manager and the report of bushrangers at this end. But I simply don’t pretend to have felt any personal pity for a man whom I had never seen. That kind of pity’s usually cant, and besides, all mine was needed for myself.
‘I was in as big a hole as ever. What the devil was I to do? I doubt if I have sufficiently impressed upon you the absolute necessity of my returning to Melbourne in funds. As a matter of fact it was less the necessity than my own determination which I can truthfully describe as absolute.
‘Money I would have – but how – but how? Would this stranger be open to persuasion – if I told him the truth? No, that would set us all scouring the country for the rest of the night. Why should I tell him? Suppose I left him to find out his mistake… would anything be gained? Bunny, I give you my word that I went to dinner without a definite intention in my head or one premeditated lie upon my lips. I might do the decent, natural thing and explain matters without loss of time. On the other hand, there was no hurry, I had not opened the letter, and could always pretend I had not noticed the initials. Meanwhile something might turn up. I could wait a little and see. Tempted I already was, but as yet the temptation was vague, and its very vagueness made me tremble.
‘Bad news, I’m afraid,’ said the manager, when at last I sat down at his table.
‘A mere annoyance,’ I answered – I do assure you – on the spur of the moment and nothing else. But my lie was told; my position was taken; from that moment onward there was no retreat. By implication, without realising what I was doing, I had already declared myself W.F. Raffles. Therefore, W.F. Raffles I would be, in that bank, for that night. And the devil teach me how to use my lie!’
‘Again he raised his glass to his lips – I had forgotten mine. His cigarette case caught the gaslight as he handed it to me. I shook my head without taking my eyes from his.
‘The devil played up,’ continued Raffles, with a laugh.
‘Before I tasted my soup I had decided what to do. I had determined to rob that bank instead of going to bed, and be back in Melbourne for breakfast if the doctor’s mare could do it. I would tell the old fellow that I had missed my way and been bushed for hours, as I easily might have been, and had never got to Yea at all. At Yea, on the other hand, the personation and robbery would ever after be attributed to a member of the gang that had waylaid and murdered the new manager with that very object. You are acquiring some experience in such matters, Bunny. I ask you, was there ever a better get-out? Last night’s was something like it, only never such a certainty. And I saw it from the beginning – saw to the end before I had finished my soup!
‘To increase my chances, the cashier, who also lived in the bank, was away over the holidays, had actually gone down to Melbourne to see us play, and the man who had taken my horse also waited at table, for he and his wife were the only servants and they slept in a separate building. You may depend I ascertained this before we had finished dinner. Indeed, I was by way of asking too many questions (the most oblique and delicate was that which elicited my host’s name, Ewbank), nor was I careful enough to conceal their drift.
‘Do you know,’ said this fellow Ewbank, who was one of the downright sort, ‘if it wasn’t you, I should say you were in a funk of robbers? Have you lost your nerve?’
‘I hope not,’ said I, turning jolly hot. I can tell you ‘but – well, it’s not a pleasant thing to have to put a bullet through a fellow!’
‘No?’ said he coolly. ‘I should enjoy nothing better myself. Besides, yours didn’t go through.’
‘I wish it had!’ I was smart enough to cry.
‘Amen!’ said he.
‘And I emptied my glass. Actually I did not know whether my wounded bank robber was in prison, dead, or at large!
‘But now that I had more than enough of it, Ewbank would come back to the subject. He admitted that the staff was small, but as for himself, he had a loaded revolver under his pillow all night, under the counter all day, and he was only waiting for his chance.
‘Under the counter, eh?’ I was ass enough to say.
‘Yes, so had you!’
‘He was looking at me in surprise, and something told me that to say ‘of course – I had forgotten!’ would have been quite fatal, considering what I was supposed to have done. So I looked down my nose and shook my head.
‘But the papers said you had!’ he cried.
‘Not under the counter,’ said I.
‘But it’s the regulation!’
‘For the moment, Bunny, I felt stumped, though I trust I only looked more superior than before, and I think I justified my look.
‘The regulation!’ I said at length, in the most offensive tone at my command. ‘Yes, the regulation would have us all dead men! My dear sir, do you expect your bank robber to let you reach for your gun in the place where he knows it’s kept? I had mine in my pocket, and I got my chance by retreating from the counter with all visible reluctance.’
‘Ewbank stared at me with open eyes and a five-barred forehead, then came down his fist on the table.
‘By God, that was smart! Still,’ he added, like a man who would not be in the wrong, ‘the papers said the other thing, you know!’
‘Of course,’ I rejoined, ‘because they said what I told them. You wouldn’t have had me advertise the fact that I improved upon the bank’s regulations, would you?’