I smiled inwardly at the innocence of my mother, and I wondered what she would say if she knew of those passionate encounters in lonely places in the woods. She had accepted Phoebe’s dilemma. What would she have said if she now found her own daughter in such a position?
‘I will never marry Bastian,’ I said. ‘I am determined.’
She sighed and kissed me. I was sure that she believed that one day I would change my mind.
But Bastian knew I never would. He had sensed the change in me. He thought it had come about because of his entanglement with Carlotta. It had to some extent, but there was more than that. I had learned something about myself and that was that I did not know all I had thought I had. Life was bewilderingly complicated. I had much to learn and I was eager to begin. I felt I had had all I needed from Bastian.
A few days passed. I was coolly aloof and now did not care if I was alone with him, and because I could compare him with Sir Gervaise he no longer seemed the handsome young god he had. I no longer felt the urge to embrace him.
I was free from my ardent desires for a while.
He understood more than my parents could because they had no idea of how far our relationship had progressed.
Before he left, Bastian asked my father if he could join in his enterprise and go to sea with him and Fennimore when they left.
It was a hasty decision, said my father. He must not think that because I had refused his offer of marriage that was the end of the old way of life.
Bastian implored him to consider him and my father eventually said he would.
So he left us, and in due course we heard that Carlotta had become Lady Pondersby and was living in some state in a mansion not far from London and Senara was with her.
My father decided that he could find a place for Bastian, and in September of that year when my father and brother sailed away, Bastian was with them.
Just before they left a messenger arrived from London, with letters from Sir Gervaise to my father, and among these was one for our mother from Senara and one for Angelet and myself from Carlotta.
Angelet and I seized it and with great excitement took it up to our bedroom to read it.
‘My dear twins,’ she had written.
‘I wished that you could have come to my wedding. You would have been so interested to see how these matters are conducted here. I have been thinking of you there in the country and what fun it would be if you came to visit me. You said you always wanted to see London. Well, now is your chance.
I am writing to your mother to tell her that this is an invitation.
I hope she will spare you.
We had an exhausting journey to London, but it was worthwhile to be here, and my mother and I did so much enjoy our little sojourn in the country.
I shall hope to see you both, or if both cannot be spared at the same time, then one of you.
I look forward to hearing your news.
Carlotta.’
Angelet and I looked at each other with sparkling eyes.
‘To London,’ we cried.
Angelet threw herself into my arms and said, ‘We’ll both go. One of us couldn’t stay behind. I wouldn’t let you go without me.’
‘Nor you without me.’
‘We should need clothes.’
‘We’ll take Phoebe. We shall need a maid.’
‘It will be wonderful to see London. Do you think we shall see the King and Queen?’
‘She said to London, not to Court.’
‘Yes, but Carlotta goes to Court, doesn’t she? So perhaps she’ll take us.’
Angelet turned out all her clothes from the cupboard. She tried them on, smiling, frowning. She was very excited.
When we saw our mother we realized that she was not so happy at the suggestion.
‘You can’t go,’ she told us. ‘Not yet. Your father is going and Fennimore with him …’ She looked so woebegone that Angelet cried: ‘Of course we won’t go, Mother. I’d forgotten. You’d be all on your own.’ Then she was smiling. ‘But why shouldn’t you come with us?’
‘I’d have to be here for when your father comes back.’
‘But he’s only just gone. He’ll be away for months.’
‘We’ll see,’ said our mother; but I knew that she did not want us to go.
When our father had left we paid another visit to Castle Paling. My mother and Aunt Melanie talked a great deal about Senara’s suggestion, and my mother said she feared the difficulties of the journey and she would be very anxious for her girls travelling without her. If she could have gone it would have been different, but she was never sure when my father would be home. He had just left, it was true, but sometimes there were reasons for returning almost at once. She had never felt she could leave the Priory when Fenn was away and when he was there she must be there with him.
I knew our mother was very sad at the suggestion—sad because she knew how much we wanted to go and equally sad because she could not bear to let us.
We paid our visit to Grandfather Casvellyn, who glared at us in the way to which we had become accustomed and shouted at us because we did not speak and roared to us to say something sensible when we did.
I noticed that his eyes were on me. He singled me out, and I was sure he knew which one I was.
‘Come here,’ he said, and he drew me to him so that I was touching the rug which covered his mangled legs. Then he gripped my chin in those bony fingers and made me look at him. ‘What have you been doing?’ he asked.
I said: ‘I have been helping Aunt Melanie to gather the flowers.’
He laughed. ‘I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t. You’re a sly one, I fancy.’
He gave me a little push.
My mother was watching and smiling as though she were delighted that one of her children pleased her father. She was a very innocent woman, my mother; it came of believing the best of everybody. Grandfather Casvellyn had been a great rake in his day; there were dark stories about him and his activities; they concerned women too. He was telling me that he believed there was something of him in me.
Perhaps there was.
He made me feel a little uneasy, though, because I wondered if sometimes he had seen me coming in with Bastian and knew what had happened between us.
Gwenifer and Rozen discussed the invitation at length and were envious because they had not received one.
‘I expect,’ said Angelet, ‘she wants to thank Bersaba for saving her. There was a plot to take her, you know. Bersaba heard of it and stopped it.’
They were very interested. It was amazing how excited people became whenever witches and witchcraft were mentioned.
We stayed at the Castle for a week. During the journey back it rained all through the day and we arrived home soaked to the skin. Mother insisted on our putting our feet in bowls of hot water into which was added some herb which was supposed to ward off chills.
However, I caught one and it seemed to hang about for quite a time.
Phoebe by now was getting near her time. She was large and the baby was supposed to be due in mid-September. The time came and passed and still it was not born.
I was very interested in Phoebe’s baby. So was Angelet, but to me there was something special about it. I wanted her to have a healthy child to whom in due course she would tell the story of my bringing her to the Priory and the child would realize that it owed its existence to me.
September was almost over. Each morning I would look anxiously at Phoebe, who seemed to be getting larger and larger, but the baby gave no sign of wanting to be born.
Ginny said: ‘Oh, that Phoebe, she’s misjudged the time, I reckon. That father of hers scared her out of her wits.’
The last day of September came and still the baby was not born. It was a dark morning with a heavy mist in the air when I said to Angelet: ‘I reckon the baby will be born today.’