‘I’m sorry I’m so unsatisfactory,’ I said.
‘Never mind. It’s a challenge. You’ll soon grow up here. That’s the difference really. You are young for your age.’
‘I shall not be eighteen until next birthday.’
‘But eighteen in your dear old Priory is not quite the same as being eighteen in the outside world. You’ll see.’
I said: ‘Where is your mother?’
‘She is on a visit at the moment. She’ll be delighted that you’re here. She always wanted to do something for Tamsyn’s girls and said it was a pity you were condemned to life in the country.’
‘And your husband?’
‘Gervaise is at Court. We have a residence close to Whitehall and I am there often. We are not so far from Whitehall here, so it is not really like being in the country.’
‘Are you happy in your marriage?’
‘Life has been amusing,’ she answered.
‘Is that the same as being happy?’
‘I assure you, my little country mouse, it is the essence of contentment.’
I was uneasy. I disliked being talked down to. Bersaba would have known how to deal with the situation much better than I did. Oh, how I missed her. I was realizing more and more how much I had always turned to her when I was not sure how to act.
Carlotta was aware of my discomfiture and seemed to enjoy it.
‘You will soon fall into our ways,’ she said, ‘and how glad you will be that you have escaped the dull life. Now let us be practical.’
Later she showed me the house, introduced me to some of the servants, examined my wardrobe in detail and discarded most of it.
She said I would be tired after my journey, that I should retire early and tomorrow I could start my new life.
We ate together in a small room off the main hall as we did at home when we were just the family, and she talked all the time about her life, how exciting it was and how different I was going to find it, behaving all the time as though she were my benefactress.
As soon as supper, was over she said I should go to my room and sleep, for she was sure I was tired out. I was certainly glad to escape.
Mab came in and helped me get to bed, but when I lay there I could not sleep. I kept thinking of how Carlotta and Senara had arrived at the Castle and how Grandfather Casvellyn had looked like an angry prophet when he had said no good would come of their return into our lives.
Now Bersaba was ill and perhaps I should never see her again. I felt bereft. We were as one. How could I go on living without her?
I could not stop thinking of her lying in that room we had shared for so many years while the dread disease afflicted her. Bersaba tossing in fever, delirious … no longer my calm self-possessed sister—the clever part of us, the one whom I had thought I should never have to do without.
A few days passed during which I did not go far afield. Carlotta was anxious that I should not until I was adequately dressed and, as she said, had cast off some of my country manners, which she made me feel would be despised in London. I must learn to walk with more dignity, hold my head high, to move with grace, to bow, to curtsey and to overcome a certain accent which would not be acceptable in London society.
I allowed myself to be primed and took an interest in it, largely because it turned my mind from brooding on what was happening at home. I had to shut out the thought of Bersaba’s face on the pillow—fevered, her eyes wild, and the horrible signs of her illness upon her. I kept telling myself that I could do no good by dwelling on it, so I meekly allowed myself to be turned into a copy of a town-bred girl.
Carlotta was certainly enjoying the operation. I wondered whether she enjoyed scoring over us for some reason. Although I was parted from Bersaba I still thought of us together, and I asked myself now whether Carlotta had taken up Bastian as she did because she knew of Bersaba’s fondness for him. It seemed that that might be characteristic of her.
On the third day after my arrival Senara returned. She embraced me warmly and seemed really pleased to see me, and asked a good many questions about Bersaba. I had the impression that she really cared about my mother.
‘Poor Tamsyn,’ she said. ‘I can picture her distress. She was always more like a mother to me than a sister, though she was but a year older. She mothered everyone … even her own mother. I know she will be in great distress. I am glad to have you here with us and I shall write to your mother and tell her so.’
She was more sympathetic and understanding than her daughter, and I was able to talk to her and tell her how homesick I was and how I was wondering whether I ought to go home as Carlotta did not seem to think I fitted into the London scene.
She shook her head. ‘You have a certain charm, Angelet, which is appealing and I am sure many people here will appreciate it. Your fresh country innocence will seem charming to people who are weary of the society ways which are often false.’
‘Carlotta wants to change me.’
‘We must see that she doesn’t succeed too well.’
Senara certainly comforted me, particularly when she talked about her childhood and how she and my mother had been as close as sisters. ‘I know how you feel about Bersaba,’ she said. ‘Of course your mother and I were not twins, but the manner in which I came to the castle made her feel she had to protect me, and I always enjoyed that motherly security she threw around me. She does it to many. It’s her way.’
So I felt better when Senara returned, and when I went riding with her and we passed along by the river I was temporarily forgetful of everything but the wonder of it, for as we approached the city the boats on the river were so numerous that they almost touched each other.
Senara was pleased at my wonder. She told me that I was in the greatest port in the world and that ships came here from every place I could imagine. I was excited and comforted to see some of the ships from my father’s East India Company because that made me feel that I was not so very far away. How wonderful they looked! How powerfully built! They were equipped to face the storms they would meet at sea as well as armed against pirates! Then I began to wonder what my father was doing now—and Fennimore and Bastian—and fear touched me that some ill might befall them and if Bersaba were to die …
Senara, glancing at me, saw the misery in my face and she said kindly: ‘Everything will come out well, I promise you.’
‘How can you know?’ I asked.
‘I know these things,’ she told me. I thought: She is a witch, and I wanted to believe she was so that I could assure myself that she was right.
She showed me the wharves where goods were being unloaded—some by the Company’s ships and others from Amsterdam, Germany, Italy and France. I could not help being enthralled, and after that a little of the burden of fear lightened. Senara had said that all would be well and that meant that my family would be safe. I believed Senara. As a witch she could have special knowledge of these matters.
The days which had seemed endless by the end of the first week began to fly past. I had a new wardrobe now and I was pleased that my clothes were looser than those we had worn in the country. Ana, who was a good seamstress, told me that the stiff fashions which had once come from Spain were quite outmoded now. Farthingales were never worn and one did not put stiffening under skirts to make them stand out. Ruffs were completely of the past, so were high collars, and it was smart and becoming to wear low-cut dresses. The wrists and arms were often shown and some of my new gowns had sleeves which came only to the elbow. When I wore these I had long gloves and a great deal of attention was paid to getting the right ones.
Ana dressed my hair too. She gave me a fringe of curls on my forehead which had to be crimped each day.