Then of course there were the shops—the object of our visits—and so much beautiful cloth to examine, so many ribbons to choose. Ana and I would spend hours in this fascinating occupation. She said it was all part of the preparations for marriage. Perhaps there should have been other preparations. If my mother had been with me or Bersaba, I could have talked to them. Perhaps I could have learned … But I should learn gradually, and Richard would be kind, respecting my ignorance.
But how I longed to talk to Bersaba.
The time was passing. It would soon be my wedding day.
I saw little of Richard. He was with his company, he told us. The Scottish unrest was occupying much of his time. There could be trouble with these Covenanters.
It seemed plausible enough when he explained to me. ‘You see, the Covenant has always been important to Scotland. It was started nearly a hundred years ago when the Scots feared a revival of Popery. This year the King wished to introduce the English liturgy into Scotland and they have revived the Covenant.’
‘It seems to me,’ I said, ‘that there has to be perpetual trouble over religion.’
‘It has always been so,’ he answered. ‘And this means, of course, that we have to be watchful of events on the Border. If there should be trouble I shall have to be ready.’
I understood that, though I was sorry that it meant he could not enjoy these exciting preparations with me.
Carlotta came to my room one evening. I wondered why she always chose the evenings, just before I was about to retire, for this sort of thing. I fancied her object was to disturb me because she resented my happiness, and I was becoming more and more convinced that she had taken up with Bastian because she had known that Bersaba and he were friendly. Of course that was just a childish friendship, but none the less important to them because of it.
There was a strain of evil in Carlotta, something that loved mischief. I began to wonder whether she was not after all a witch.
She sprawled in the chair and surveyed me.
‘We don’t see very much of our bridegroom,’ she said.
‘Mine, do you mean?’
‘The bridegroom, shall we say. I was wondering whether we can be so sure that he will be yours.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘I have been thinking about this since I heard and I wondered whether I should warn you.’
‘Warn me? What about?’
‘I heard the story. It created quite a stir at the time. It was five years ago.’
‘What story?’
‘He was going to marry, you know, and changed his mind.’
I felt myself go cold with fear. ‘What are you trying to tell me?’
‘Our Richard was married when he was quite young, and she died.’
‘You’re not suggesting …’
‘Suggesting what?’
‘That she … that he …’
‘That he despatched her? I never heard that. It’s an interesting idea. There is something odd about him. He’s a cold fish. I never could abide cold men.’
‘I thought you were rather interested in him at one time … when you thought he preferred you.’
‘I did think he was normal then—just a little quiet. But what I want to tell you is that he changed his mind before. He was betrothed, the arrangements were going ahead … just as now … and then a few weeks before the wedding … it was all off.’
‘Why?’
‘That’s the mystery. There was no wedding. Whether she discovered some dark secret or whether he decided to jilt her, we don’t know. It was all a great mystery. But I think you ought to be prepared.’
‘Thank you. It’s kind of you to be so considerate.’
‘Well, it would be most awkward if it happened again, wouldn’t it?’
‘We want a quiet wedding.’
‘Of course. I think you’re wise … in the circumstances.’ She stood up and regarded me almost superciliously. ‘I just thought I ought to warn you.’
‘That’s so kind,’ I murmured.
And she was gone. Was it true? I wondered. No, it couldn’t be. He wanted this marriage. Why should he have suggested it otherwise? Carlotta was just piqued because he had preferred marriage with me to a flirtation with her. To be ignored was something she could not tolerate and she persisted in denigrating anyone who did that.
But I was uneasy, for I had to admit that the nearer I came to marriage the more did I realize that Richard was by no means the conventional bridegroom.
Mab was a little envious of Ana. She found fault with her needlework and grumbled that she could have done it so much better herself. She was disappointed because I did not make a confidante of her. Mab, I was coming to the conclusion, was really rather a silly girl. She was constantly trying to turn the conversation to babies.
‘Oh Mistress Angelet,’ she would murmur, ‘I can’t wait for the first little baby. I do hope you won’t have to wait so long as your poor mother did.’
Then she talked about her sister Emily who had had a child out of wedlock.
‘Emily was like that,’ she said. ‘She couldn’t leave the men alone and nor could they leave her. She got caught she did … caught good and proper. And me mother says that if she don’t take care she’ll have another to feed before long. I said to her once, “Em, you are silly. You’ll get caught again.” And she said that she couldn’t help it if she did. It was just her way. She couldn’t say no.’
Mab would look at me speculatively and I became angry with her, one of the main reasons being that I was so ignorant of that side of marriage and indeed a little fearful of it.
Richard returned and came at once to Pondersby Hall to see me.
I went down to the parlour. He took my hands and kissed them, and as soon as I saw him I was happy, for my doubts vanished and I realized how uneasy Carlotta had made me with her hints that I might be treated as someone else had been and the marriage cancelled at the last moment.
I said, ‘You still want to marry me, Richard, don’t you?’
He looked at me in astonishment. ‘Why on earth do you say that?’
I laid my face against his coat. ‘I don’t know. I’m just so happy I’m afraid it’s too good to be true.’
He lifted my face and looked at me intently.
‘You are a dear good child,’ he said. ‘It is small wonder that I love you.’
‘And we’ll be happy, won’t we?’
‘We must make sure that we are.’
‘I will make sure.’
‘Do you doubt that I will?’
‘No, no. Not when you are here.’
‘You must never doubt me … particularly when I am not there. You do understand, don’t you, that I shall be away from home for long periods?’
‘I do understand it. It was something my mother had to endure.’
‘So you are prepared for it?’
‘Yes, and … perhaps we shall have some children so that I shan’t be lonely.’
There was a silence, and looking up into his face I saw a strange expression there which I could not understand. But then he took my hand and gripped it hard.
‘It is what I want,’ he said. ‘Yes, I do want that very much.’
‘I hope … I shall please you,’ I said.
He put me from him suddenly, and going to the door, opened it abruptly.
Mab fell into the room.
I felt very angry with her, for she had clearly been listening at the keyhole.
‘What are you doing, Mab?’ I demanded.
She rose awkwardly to her feet and stood there not knowing what to do, and I saw that her eyes, which had been alight with curiosity a moment before, were now apprehensive.