I was going to meet Sarah Starzynski. I was going to see her with my very eyes. Heaven knows what I was going to say to her.
Although she was standing right next to me, I heard Ornella’s voice from a long way off.
“Mom, this is Julia Jarmond, a friend of Uncle Lorenzo’s, she’s from Paris, just passing through Roxbury.”
The smiling woman coming toward me was wearing a red dress that came down to her ankles. She was in her late fifties. She had the same stocky build as her daughter: round shoulders, plump thighs, and thick, generous arms. Black, graying hair caught up in a bun, tanned, leathery skin, and jet-black eyes.
Black eyes.
This was not Sarah Starzynski. That much I knew.
SO YOU FRIEND OF Lorenzo, sì? Nice to meet you!”
The accent was pure Italian. No doubt about that. Everything about this woman was Italian.
I backed away, stuttering profusely.
“I am sorry, so very sorry.”
Ornella and her mother stared at me. Their smiles hovered and vanished.
“I think I’ve got the wrong Mrs. Rainsferd.”
“The wrong Mrs. Rainsferd?” repeated Ornella.
“I’m looking for a Sarah Rainsferd,” I said. “I’ve made a mistake.”
Ornella’s mother sighed and patted my arm.
“Please don’t worry. These things happen.”
“I’ll be leaving now,” I muttered, my face hot. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”
I turned and headed back to the car, trembling with embarrassment and disappointment.
“Wait!” came Mrs. Rainsferd’s clear voice. “Miss, wait!”
I halted. She came up to me, put her plump hand on my shoulder.
“Look, you make no mistake, Miss.”
I frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“The French girl, Sarah, she my husband’s first wife.”
I stared at her.
“Do you know where she is?” I breathed.
The plump hand patted me again. The black eyes seemed sad.
“Honey, she dead. She died 1972. So sorry to tell you this.”
Her words took ages to sink in. My head was swimming. Maybe it was the heat, the sun pounding down on me.
“Nella! Get some water!”
Mrs. Rainsferd took my arm and guided me back to the porch, sat me on a cushioned, wooden bench. She gave me some water. I drank, teeth clattering against the rim, handing her the glass when I was through.
“So sorry to tell you this news, believe me.”
“How did she die?” I croaked.
“A car accident. Richard and her were already living in Roxbury since the early sixties. Sarah’s car skidded on black ice. Crashed into a tree. The roads very dangerous here in winter, you know. She killed instantly.”
I could not speak. I felt utterly devastated.
“You upset, poor honey, now,” she murmured, stroking my cheek with a strong motherly gesture.
I shook my head, mumbled something. I felt drained, washed out. An empty shell. The idea of the long drive back to New York made me want to scream. And after that… What was I going to tell Edouard, tell Gaspard? How? That she was dead? Just like that? That there was nothing to be done?
She was dead. She died at forty years old. She was gone. Dead. Gone.
Sarah was dead. I could never speak to her. I would never be able to tell her sorry, sorry from Edouard, tell her how much the Tézac family had cared. I could never tell her that Gaspard and Nicolas Dufaure missed her, that they sent their love. It was too late. Thirty years too late.
“I never met her, you know,” Mrs. Rainsferd was saying. “I only met Richard couple of years later. He a sad man. And the boy-”
I raised my head, paying full attention.
“The boy?”
“Yes, William. You know William?”
“Sarah’s son?”
“Yes, Sarah’s boy.”
“My half brother,” said Ornella.
Hope dawned once more.
“No, I don’t know him. Tell me about him.”
“Poor bambino, he only twelve when his mother died, you see. A heartbroken boy. I raised him like he mine. I gave him love of Italy. He married Italian girl, from my home village.”
She beamed with pride.
“Does he live in Roxbury?” I asked.
She smiled, patted my cheek again.
“Mamma mia, no, William lives in Italy. He left Roxbury in 1980, when he twenty. Married Francesca in 1985. Has two lovely girls. Comes back to see his father from time to time, and me and Nella, but not very often. He hates it here. Reminds him of his mother’s death.”
I felt much better all of a sudden. It was less hot, less stuffy. I found I could breathe easier.
“Mrs. Rainsferd-,” I began.
“Please,” she said, “call me Mara.”
“Mara,” I complied. “I need to talk to William. I need to meet him. It’s very important. Could you give me his address in Italy?”
THE CONNECTION WAS BAD and I could barely hear Joshua’s voice. “You need an advance?” he said. “In the middle of summer?”
“Yes!” I shouted, cringing at the disbelief in his voice.
“How much?”
I told him.
“Hey, what’s going on, Julia? Has that smooth operator of a husband turned stingy, or what?”
I sighed impatiently.
“Can I have it or not, Joshua? It’s important.”
“Of course you can have it,” he snapped. “This is the first time in years you’ve ever asked me for money. Hope you’re not having any problems?”
“No problems. I just need to travel. That’s all. And I have to do it fast.”
“Oh,” he said, and I could feel his curiosity swelling. “And where are you going?”
“I’m taking my daughter to Tuscany. I’ll explain another time.”
My tone was flat and final. He probably felt it was useless trying to glean anything else from me. I could feel his annoyance pulse all the way from Paris. The advance would be in my account later this afternoon, he said curtly. I thanked him and hung up.
Then I put my hands under my chin and thought. If I told Bertrand what I was doing, he’d make a scene. He’d make everything complicated, difficult. I couldn’t face that. I could tell Edouard… No, it was too early. Too soon. I had to talk to William Rainsferd first. I had his address now, it would be easy locating him. Talking to him was another matter.
Then there was Zoë. How was she going to feel about her Long Island frolic being interrupted? And not going to Nahant, to her grandparents’ place? That worried me, at first. Yet, I somehow did not think she would mind. She had never been to Italy. And I could let her into the secret. I could tell her the truth, tell her we were going to meet Sarah Starzynski’s son.
And then there were my parents. What could I tell them? Where would I begin? They, too, were expecting me at Nahant after the Long Island stay. What on earth was I going to tell them?
“Yeah,” drawled Charla later on when I explained all this, “yeah, sure, running off to Tuscany with Zoë, finding this guy, and just saying sorry sixty years later?”
I flinched at the irony in her voice.
“Well, why the hell not?” I asked.
She sighed. We were sitting in the large front room she used as an office on the second floor of her house. Her husband was turning up later on that evening. Dinner was waiting in the kitchen, we had made it together earlier. Charla craved bright colors, as did Zoë. This room was a melting pot of pistachio green, ruby red, and luminous orange. The first time I had seen it, my head had started to throb, but I had gotten used to it, and I secretly found it intensely exotic. I always tended to go for neutral, bland colors, like brown, beige, white, or gray, even in my dress code. Charla and Zoë preferred to overdose on anything bright, but they both carried it off, beautifully. I both envied and admired their audacity.
“Stop being the bossy older sister. You’re pregnant, don’t forget. I’m not sure all this traveling is the right thing to do at the moment.”