By her third year, she was recognized as a promising young cadet officer, and resistance to her background had nearly disappeared. Colonial stock, yes: but colonial stock included plenty of “good” families, younger sons and daughters who had sought adventure rather than a safe seat in the family corporation. That she never claimed such a connection spoke well of her; others claimed it in her name.
Her own researches into her family were discreet. The psychs had passed her as safely adjusted to the loss of her family. She wasn’t sure how they’d react if they found her rummaging through the colonial databases, so she masked her queries carefully. She didn’t want anyone to question her fitness for Fleet. When she’d entered everything she could remember, she waited for the computer to spit out the rest.
The first surprise was a living relative (or “supposed alive” the computer had it) some three generations back. Sass blinked at the screen. A great-great-great grandmother (or aunt: she wasn’t quite sure of the code symbols) now on Exploration Service. Lunzie… so that was the famous ancestor her little sister had been named for. Her mother had said no more than that - may not have known more than that, Sass realised. Even as a cadet, she herself had access to more information than most colonists, already. She thought of contacting her distant family members someday… someday when she was a successful Fleet officer. Not any time soon, though. Fleet would be her family, and Abe was her father now.
He took his responsibility seriously in more ways than one, she discovered at their next meeting.
“Take the five-year implant, and don’t worry about it. You’re not going to be a mother anytime soon. Should have had it before now, probably.”
“I don’t want to be a sopping romantic, either,” said Sass, scowling.
Abe grinned at her. “Sass, I’m not telling you to fall in love. I’m telling you that you’re grown, and your body knows it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but you’re about to want to.”
“I am not.” Sass glared at him.
“You haven’t noticed anything?”
Sass opened her mouth to deny it, only to realise that she couldn’t. He’d seen her with the others, and he, more than anyone, knew every nuance of her body.
“Take the implant. Do what you want afterwards.”
“You’re not telling me to be careful,” she said, almost petulantly.
“Stars, girl, I only adopted you. I’m not really your father, and even if I were I wouldn’t tell you to be careful. Not you, of all people.”
“My… my real father..”
“Was a dirtball colonist. I’m Fleet. You’re Fleet now. You don’t believe all that stuff you were taught. You’re the last woman to stay virginal all your life, Sass, and that’s the truth of it. Learn what you need, and see that you get it.”
Sass shivered. “Sounds very mechanical, that way.”
“Not really.” Abe smiled at her, wistful and tender. “Sass, it’s a great pleasure, and a great relaxation. For some people, long-term pairing is part of it. Your parents may have been that way. But you aren’t that sort. I’ve watched you now for what? Eight years, is it, or ten? You’re an adventurer by nature; you always were, and what happened to you brought it out even stronger. You’re passionate, but you don’t want to be bothered with long-term relationships.”
The five-year implant she requested at Medical raised no eyebrows. When the doctor discovered it was her first, she insisted that Sass read a folder about it “… So you’ll know nothing’s wrong when that patch on your arm changes color. Just come in for another one. It’ll be in your records, of course, but sometimes your records aren’t with you.”
Once she had the implant, she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it. Who would it be? Who would be first, she scolded herself, accepting with no more argument Abe’s estimate of her character. She watched the other cadets covertly. Bronze-haired Liami, who bounced in and out of beds with the same verve as she gobbled dessert treats on holidays. Cal and Deri, who could have starred in any of the romantic serial tragedies, always in one crisis of emotion or another. How they passed their courses was a constant topic of low-voiced wonder. Suave Abrek, who assumed that any woman he fancied would promptly swoon into his arms - despite frequent rebuffs and snide remarks from all the women cadets.
She wasn’t even sure what she wanted. She and Caris, in the old days, watching Carin Coldae re-runs, had planned extravagant sexual adventures: all the handsome men in the galaxy, in all the exotic places, in the midst of saving planets or colonies or catching slavers. Was handsome really better? Liami seemed to have just as much fun with the plain as the handsome. And Abrek, undeniably handsome, but all too aware of it, was no fun at all. What kind of attraction was that kind, and not just the ordinary sort that made some people a natural choice for an evening of study or workouts in the gym? Or was the ordinary sort enough?
In the midst of this confusion of mind, she noticed that she was choosing to spend quite a bit of time with Marik Delgaesson, a senior cadet from somewhere on the far side of known space. She hadn’t realised that human colonies spread that far, but he looked a lot more human than the heavyworlders. Brown eyes, wavy dark hair, a slightly crooked face that gave his grin a certain off-center appeal. Not really handsome, but good enough. And a superior gymnast, in both freeform and team competitions.
Sass thought about it. He might do. When their festival rotations came up at the same shift, and he asked her to partner him to the open theater production, she decided to ask him. It was hard to get started on the question, so they were halfway back to the Academy, threading their way between brightly-decorated food-stalls, when she brought it up. He gave her a startled look and led her into a dark alley behind one of the government buildings.
“Now. What did you say?” In the near dark, she could hardly see his expression.
Her mouth was dry. “I… I wondered if you’d… you’d like to spend the night with me.”
He shook his head. “Sass, you don’t want that with me.”
“I don’t?” Reading and conversation had not prepared her for this reaction to a proposal. She wasn’t sure whether she felt insulted or hurt.
“I’m not… what I seem.” He drew his heavy brows down, then lifted them in a gesture that puzzled Sass. People did both, but rarely like that.
“Can you explain that?”
“Well… I hate to disillusion you, but - “ And suddenly he wasn’t there: the tall, almost-handsome, definitely charming cadet senior she’d known for the past two years. Nothing was there - or rather, a peculiar arrangement of visual oddities that had her wondering what he’d spiked her mug with. Stringy bits of this and that, nothing making any sense, until he reassembled suddenly as a very alien shape on the wall. Clinging to the wall.
Sass fought her diaphragm and got her voice back. “You’re - you’re a Weft!” She felt cold all over: she had wanted to embrace that?
Another visual tangle, this time with some parts recognisable as they shifted toward human, and he stood before her, his face already wistful. “Yes. We… we usually stay in human form around humans. They prefer it. Though most don’t prefer the forms we choose quite as distinctly as you did.”
Her training brought her breathing back under full control. “It wasn’t your form, exactly.”
“No?” He smiled, the crooked smile she’d dreamed about the past nights. “You don’t like my other one.”
“I liked you,” Sass said, almost angrily. “Your - your personality - “
“You liked what you thought I was - my human act.” Now he sounded angry, too, and for some reason that amused her.