Handling Miguel Rivas was a good respite, but not nearly enough to sustain me.
This little ‘vacation’ is fucking draining the life outta me.
Or at least it was until yesterday.
Anya has my head in a million places and I don’t like that a single fucking bit.
Before she showed up on the scene, I was ready to bolt the hell outta Vegas and get back to my life, the one where I get in, pop my target, and get out.
No thinking.
No strategizing.
It’s simple because I’m an action kinda guy.
But this pull Anya has on me…it’s making me second guess everything I thought I wanted.
I can’t even count how many times over the past few months Matteo has tried to convince me to stop running, to stay and find something more stable out here.
I shot him down every time.
How can this girl, someone I literally just met, make me second guess myself?
I know I need to leave Vegas once this Conor shit is handled.
But she makes me want to stay.
After months of insisting I’m better on my own, she’s given me a reason to explore a different path.
A kid, for fuck’s sake.
I fist my hair.
I can’t be that guy.
If I stop running, I’ll never be free from the demons. They hunt me relentlessly and won’t ever stop.
If I stay, they’ll catch me.
And I can’t live with that guilt roped tight around my neck.
It’s why I started on this path in the first place.
A groan threatens to slip from my lips, and I hear the key card click in the door lock.
Thank fuck!
I need to get out of my damn head.
Getting laid is supposed to clear your mind, not clog it up even more than it already was.
Heaven and Matteo step into the apartment, their heads bent together as they whisper and chuckle softly.
Anya, on the other hand, doesn’t move.
She’s completely starched.
As is Aisling.
Heaven slips off her shoes and comes over to the couch, not making a sound when she sees me slap my index finger over my mouth. She takes Aisling and cradles her against her body as she walks into her bedroom.
I place a blanket over Anya and she snuggles deeper into the couch with a contented sigh.
My fingertips graze her soft skin for a second longer than necessary and I yank it away, gritting my teeth.
I need a drink. Or ten.
I follow Matteo into his office and sit in one of the chairs.
He pours me a shot of whiskey and I gulp it down.
“What’s the matter, Dante?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I mutter. “Just preoccupied with this Conor thing. When are you gonna tell Heaven?”
He sighs. “I have to tell her before he shows up here. I just don’t want it to ruin the day for her. She’s so excited, and even though all of that shit with her family is always on the back burner, she’s in a good place right now. Especially with Anya being here. I don’t want to mess around with that and put her in a dark place again.”
“I get it.” I let out a deep sigh and scrub a hand down the front of my face. “You know this shit will never go away, don’t you?”
Matteo furrows his brow and laces his fingers together, but no words are spoken.
I lean forward. “There will always be threats. You know that. Look at all of the enemies we’ve dealt with over the past few years. And we only inherited more when we joined the Red Ladro syndicate.” Red Ladro is a tight knit group of families – ours, the Severinovs, and the Marcones. We work closely together to run various organizations and operations throughout the country and make a shit ton of cash in the process.
“You think we should have passed on the opportunity to join?” He waves his hands around him. “Dante, this place is a goldmine. Do you know how much we can do out here? How much we will do because of these associations?”
“Look, Matty, I’m not telling you how to run the family businesses. I’m just saying that the life we lead is full of risk and danger. You’ve done everything you can to shield everyone you love, but you’re always gonna have tiny holes that can’t be plugged. It’s just the way things are. Someone will always try to get close, to hurt you, to sabotage what we’ve built.”
“Jesus Christ, Dante. Your glass isn’t half-empty. It’s fucking invisible!” He narrows his eyes. “Why don’t you say what you really want to say instead of giving me a lesson in mob life, huh?”
“You know exactly what I’m saying,” I grumble. “I have to get out.”
His nostrils flare as he seethes his next words. “You know, you think running away is the answer. You’ve believed that for years, ever since Emilia was killed. You’ve blamed yourself. Hell, you’ve tormented yourself, going into every shithole corner of the world to hunt down the same kind of scumbags who did that to her.”
“What’s so wrong with wanting to exterminate those bastards?”
“Nothing,” he says. “But it’s not a job to you. It’s a personal mission. You believe that the more kills you rack up, the closer you get to redemption. But it wasn’t your fault. It was her idiot brother Vito who opened the door to that hell.”
“I was the one who was supposed to be watching over her,” I grunt. “She was my responsibility!”
“And what was his responsibility? Huh? Going out, partying with the wrong fucking people, racking up debts that he’d never be able to pay. You weren’t her keeper, Dante. You went above and beyond to keep them both safe. You could never have predicted that Emilia would have gone out looking for him that night while you were sleeping. This is all on Vito. When are you going to accept that?”
I press my fingertips to my temples to prevent the splintered memories from that night from consuming my mind, but it’s too late.
“As soon as I woke up, I went after her. I knew exactly what she did and why she did it. She was always so worried about him, and he didn’t give a damn about her or the danger he invited in when he got caught up with those assholes.” I shake my head. “And it wasn’t enough that they killed Vito. What they did to her…” A lump forms in the back of my throat. “I can’t forget that. I can’t just ignore the fact that I had a part in that whole thing. I should have known what she was going to do and stopped her. Such a goddamn waste…” I mutter.
“You did everything you could.” Matteo sits back in his chair. “You have to let it go. Because you put yourself in a shit ton of danger every time you take one of those jobs. You think we have cracks in the foundation? Lemme tell you, you’re just as much at risk on your own.”
I roll my eyes. “Come on. I’m like a ninja. Nobody can touch me.”
“Until they do.” He glowers at me. “So pardon me for wanting to keep you away from the jaws of the huge ass lion snapping at your heels.”
“Did you ever think that I actually like what I do? I consider it a community service-type gig, ya know?” I wink at him. “I’m doing my part to keep the world free of those sick and twisted bastards.”
“And I’m sure the world appreciates it.”
“I’m no good to you if I go soft, Matty.”
“I have no doubt that you’ll find any way to keep yourself sharp and lethal.” He smirks. “Just think about it. If you started your own security firm here, you’d have plenty of clients with enemies that you could tear apart, limb by limb.”
“Great.” I snort.
Matteo lifts an eyebrow. “Besides, there’s plenty going on here in Vegas that can keep you edgy. Just like Miguel Rivas.”
I flash a half-smirk. “I was wondering what took you so long to bring him up. How’d you know?”
He shrugs. “I know most things. I just choose not to divulge them until I need to.”
“Okay, enough about me and my plans. Let’s get back to the immediate problem.” I place my glass on the table. “Since you’re all-seeing and all-knowing, do you really think the Volkov Bratva would go after us, knowing we’re associated with the Severinovs?” I shake my head. “I mean, Alek will torpedo their asses back to the fucking Ukraine or wherever they crawled out from under if they make any moves against us.”