Kill or be killed.
Those are pretty much your only options.
But I’m tired of living by someone else’s rules.
I’m ready to live according to my own.
And good thing I have some lethal, badass bitch skills to help set me up in this big, bad world.
A smile plays at my lips.
I have a list of demands for my life.
And I want to tick off the boxes.
Starting today.
The door clicks and I peek my head around a column to see Heaven and an older woman come into the apartment, their arms laden with bags. I put down my water and hurry over to them to help.
Heaven flashes a grateful smile and hands me some of the packages. “Anya, this is my Aunt Maura. Auntie, this is Anya. Our savior!”
Aunt Maura grins at me, her blue eyes sparkling. “Pleasure to meet you, dear. Heaven has told me such great things about how you’ve been helping with Aisling.” She puts down her bags and clasps her hands together. “I cannot wait to see the little darling! Is she in the nursery?”
“Yes,’ I say in a hushed voice. “But she’s sleeping.” I look at Heaven. “We just got back from a walk and she was exhausted by the heat, I think. She conked out before we even made it back up here.”
“Thank you, Anya,” Heaven says with a big smile.
It never ceases to amaze me that she let me go outside today with Aisling by myself. I figured for sure Dante would be tagging along, but I’m also not naïve enough to think that she would let me take her baby out of the apartment and not have me tracked by at least a handful of security guards who would have this place locked down in a hot second if I so much as made one false move.
Dante…
Where has he been hiding?
Seeing him this morning made me think he’d come back around because he felt the same things I did.
Do.
But then he disappeared again.
Could I have imagined everything that happened between us? The intensity, the chemistry…my God, it was electric.
How could he not have felt it all?
“Why don’t you take a break? You’ve already put in your eight hours since Aisling got up so early this morning. I don’t want to violate the terms of the au pair contract,” she says with a chuckle. “I need you here!”
“Oh, you’ve definitely got me,” I say. “And I’d love a little break. Maybe I’ll go for a run.” I take a deep breath. “Hey, do you know where Dante is? He said he’d give me some of the best jogging routes around here.”
Aunt Maura busies herself with the bags and Heaven folds her arms over her chest, a knowing smile on her face. “Actually, no, I haven’t. He might have gone out for a run himself.” She sighs. “He hasn’t been his normal self lately. I know he feels like something is missing.”
Missing?
“He seems good to me.” Understatement of the century if I ever heard one.
She shakes her head. “He isn’t happy out here. He wants to get back to his real job, but Matteo wants him to stick around. You know, to help out at the hotel and our nightclubs and things like that…” she trails off evasively.
“He doesn’t want to stay?” I squeak out as an icy feeling clenches my heart.
“No. I wish he would, though. Maybe he just needs a good enough reason to stay,” she says, giving me a pointed look. “I bet you could convince him.”
I swallow hard. Holy crap, are my thoughts that transparent?
“Well, if he doesn’t want to stay, I don’t think a virtual stranger can’t convince him.” I force a smile. “He knows what’s best for himself, I’m sure.”
“I don’t think so,” Heaven says. “He needs to settle down and have a real life with roots. He can’t be gallivanting all around the world the way he does. He needs stability.”
“My, my, how your tune has changed in the past year,” Aunt Maura quips from the kitchen. “Couldn’t hold you down with a roll of duct tape, rope, and chains before Matteo walked into Molly’s Pub that first night.”
Heaven shrugs. “It only took a forced marriage for me to see the writing on the wall.” With a snicker, she nudges me. “Everyone needs their own type of jolt. I hope Dante gets his, sooner than later. And you might be just the one to deliver it.”
Ha!
Little does she know, that’s the plan.
Chapter Nineteen
Anya
The whoosh of arid air hits me like someone took a massive hair dryer, pointed it directly at my face, and flipped the switch.
It’s fucking brutal.
But I need to clear my very cluttered head because I just heard a bunch of things that have my gut knotted like a pretzel.
I stretch out my quads, Heaven’s words clanging between my ears like clashing cymbals.
“…hasn’t been himself lately…he isn’t happy…wants to get back to his real job…”
I grit my teeth and do a couple of side stretches before windmilling my arms.
So everything between us…it’s all been bullshit?
A huff escapes my lips as I start jogging lightly down the driveway and onto the Strip. Sweat pebbles over my skin almost instantly, and tiny drizzles of perspiration slip down my spine. Moisture wicking clothing, my ass.
It’s not wicking anything!
I’m slowly melting down — my body, my mind, my heart.
And it is goddamn agonizing.
For the first time in forever, I let my guard down for a guy, a guy I’ve developed feelings for, despite all of my efforts to self-protect.
I guess that’s irony for you.
Dante is just like me. He’s doing what I’ve always done because it’s the only way to keep focus.
You don’t allow yourself to feel because it’s dangerous.
You don’t let emotions grab you by the throat because they make you do stupid shit.
And you don’t let anyone get in the way of your work.
Always keep focus, no matter what.
Those are the rules I’ve lived by and because of him, I’ve shoved them all into the dark recesses of my mind because being around him…with him…makes me happy.
Goddammit!
Have we not already established that happiness is not in my cards?
I pick up speed as I sidestep a group of drunk guys slugging down their yard-long, bright red and blue cocktails as they stagger down the sidewalk.
“This is ridiculous!” I huff. “I have a job to do. So, we had sex. Hot sex,” I mutter as my sneakers pound on the pavement, my leg muscles aching at the sudden increase in speed. “It’s over now. He’s leaving and I’m not his little plaything. He can’t use me and then throw me away!” I grunt. “I’m not going to be his little distraction, someone to occupy his time with until he gets itchy and needs to bolt.”
I stop in front of a street lamp post, leaning against the scalding hot metal, but feeling too fired up with anger that I don’t even notice it searing the backs of my legs. I pant for a few minutes, watching cars zoom past, lost in my own pity party.
Because the reality is, I don’t want to be a distraction.
I want to be the center of somebody’s world.
Forget the fact that this whole thing is twisted as hell because of the circumstances, but I can’t ignore the memory of his body buried deep inside of mine, the sensations that course through me whenever he’s near, his sultry, manly scent, his heated gaze, and the ass that just doesn’t quit.
I feel too much and I’ve lost control of my heart as a result.
How could I have let this happen?
I should be calling the shots and instead, I’m reduced to a pile of emotional Jell-O because the guy electrifies my insides with an erotic charge that can rival the power grid of Las Vegas.
I cover my face with my hands and let out a muffled yell. “Fuck him!”
But it comes out sounding more like “Mnuhphhimm!”
“Muffin? Fuck yeah, that sounds good.”
“Oh my God!” I jump, clutching a hand to my chest as I twist around. My heart rate skyrockets when I see Dante smirking at me, his massive arms folded over his chest. His shirt is stuffed into the pocket of his basketball shorts and he’s got a Yankees baseball cap on backwards. Ray-Bans complete his sexy-as-fuck look, and I bite down hard on my lower lip because I am a tiny bit afraid if I don’t, my tongue will jut out and do all sorts of unspeakable things, right here in the open.