“Yes. I missed out on a lot of opportunities to explore that side of myself.”
I can practically hear the arrogance in his haughty voice. “And what made you decide to explore the role of a submissive, Kathryn?”
Yeah, I bet you’d love this public ego stroke, Ian. “Someone put the idea in my head a while ago. It made sense. So I started my journey, and here I am.”
“Yes, here you fucking are.” The crop taps my cheek. “Making up for all that lost time. With me.”
Inch by mind-numbing inch, the crop makes its way down my chest, touching my stomach, my thigh, and then around to my ass. Tension multiplies in the audience. They want to see him strike me. That’s why they’re here, after all.
In truth, I want him to smack me with the crop too.
Not here. Not like this. This isn’t the time for that. Yet.
“Say it in front of all these people, Kathryn. Free your emotions once and for all. Tell us what you’ve been hiding in your heart even from your closest confidants.”
I bite my lip as it begins to tremble. Let go of my emotions? Let them run free from my mouth. Course over my tongue and spill for all to see? Bare my heart and leave it exposed to the elements? In front of this neck-biting crowd?
“I feel guilty because I wasn’t born a boy.”
“And?”
“I feel like it’s my fault my mother had a breakdown and moved. I should have tried harder in school so I could prove to my father that I am worthy to take over the company one day. And I… even though I love to Top, I still feel guilty that I am here doing this, because now everyone is going to look at me differently. Treat me differently! Aren’t you? Aren’t you all?”
Even Ian is silent. I doubt he thought I would dive into that.
The audience wasn’t expecting it either. The few people I see are transfixed on me, eyes clouding in thought and consideration. Did they even know they would judge me? I bet not. I bet they were going to laugh, get hard or wet, and move on with their lives. I don’t care. Deep in their minds, they would judge me. How do I know this?
Because I would have judged me.
“Face it. The only way a woman is taken seriously around here is if she’s constantly busting ass and balls alike. The moment we decide to serve for a change, to let go of everything we’re hauling around, we’re seen as weak. Do we treat men the same way? Do we look at male subs and assume that they can’t hold their own out in the real world? I would ask you to think about the amount of female subs you know who run businesses, volunteer, teach, and take over the fucking world every damned day.”
“All right, Katie…”
“No!” I shake in my binds, more tears falling down my face as Ian gives me a warning tap on the ass with the crop. “I’m not done!” Before he can interrupt me, I talk over my Dom. “I’m not any less because I switch now. I’ll always be a Domme. But even if I made a complete turn from Domme to sub, I would still be strong and capable. So don’t think that because I’m up here like this that I’m not worthy of your respect. I didn’t plan on this. I didn’t know this was inside me until recently. And…” I swallow, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. “I never planned on falling in love with a Dom.”
One of the women sitting up front clasps her hand over her mouth. She looks like she’s going to have a super hormonal cry, but the man she’s with rubs her back until she puts her hand down, lips wibbling, but eyes dry.
My binds come undone, making me fall forward and brace myself on my palms. Ian hooks his hands beneath my shoulders and lifts me up. The leash around my neck pulls at me, and I’m led to the other side of the stage, my jacket pulled off my body until I stand in nothing but my corset and boots.
Ian is rougher than I expected. He forces me over a leather bench, my wrists bound to a handle and my feet latched into a spreader. He doesn’t say anything. Nobody says anything. More than once the crop taps my ass as it sticks out in the air behind me. More warning shots.
I’ve been a bad girl. Tonight I’ve interrupted my Dom countless times. It’s like my training didn’t even matter.
Ian, however, looks those little things over unless he’s really in a mood. He said so himself that he finds my insolence hot to a point. Except now we’re in public. We’re on a stage with everyone watching. The attention is off my switching and how Ian Mathers can’t keep his sub under control.
“Sorry, but you know I have to,” he whisper into my ear. This is right before his hand lands on my ass, sending pain as bright as the day through my body.
I yelp.
“I thought I had trained you better, my love.” Ian says this louder, for the audience to hear. “If I thought you would behave like this, I would have kept you at home.” Another spank. “These nice people are watching and hoping to see an obedient sub. Now, are you going to play by my rules, or do I have to keep punishing you until you can’t continue?”
Blood covers my taste buds… I’m biting my lip too hard. “I’ll obey!” This cry is almost wiped out by the pain I feel. And this is from his hand… with a corset covering my ass!
“That’s what we like to hear.” The crop delicately touches me in lieu of Ian’s hand.
I’m not soothed. I know that as soon as he gets going with that thing, the pain will be even more intense than the flat of his hand.
“Since you’re being so obedient…” Ian takes a step back with the crop. “I think it’s time we all finally freed you.”
“We all,” he says.
“What do you say?’ I hear the crop whiz through the air as Ian opens his arms to the audience. “Will you support this woman feeling the same fucking shit you assholes all feel?”
I don’t hear anything at first. Then, as if a wave passes through everyone, there is muted applause and a few cheers of support. These types of people aren’t going to get too involved. They prefer to sit and quietly watch shows, not join in… so to hear as much as I have means a lot. I wonder if any of my fellow Dommes are showing me support.
It doesn’t matter. Because Ian is with me, and by channeling the energy of the audience, he’s going to free me.
Possess me.
Take me.
Even though we planned this… even though we went over it countless times in the days leading up to this night, I’m still startled when the crop hits my ass and sends shock through my skin. I’m numb. I’m weary. My inexperienced body is already losing purchase as I fight for God knows what.
Every strike represents one of my insecurities being purged from my body. This I know. This I gladly accept with famished cries that echo in the room.
“What’s the first thing you want eradicated?” Ian pulls my ponytail, forcing me to look into the lights. “What are we freeing you from?”
“My guilt,” I say, exasperated. My ass must be beet red beneath my corset.
“Be more specific. You need to think concrete ideas for this to work.”
I struggle to find the words. “That I’m not good enough to run my family’s business.”
Crack! My ass is on fucking fire!
It works. That toxic thought I had is blasted from my brain. I can practically see it spill from my ear, snivel on the floor, and then disappear over the side of the stage. My mind is liberated from that crippling fear of disappointing my family.
“What else?”
My fingers are curled into the bench, turning red, then white. “That I’m not womanly enough. Maybe I don’t want kids. Maybe I don’t even want to get married someday. Is it so bad to want to live alone from time to time?”
Crack!
Shit! I fucking feel that one! What, Ian, did I strike a nerve with talk of marriage? Or was it the kids? I remember how much your mother wouldn’t shut the hell up about grandbabies. You’re an only child, right? Well, so am I. Suck it up. We can ruin our family lines together, the Bonnie and Clyde of genealogy, the Paul Bunyan and Babe the Big Blue Ox of family trees… well, shit, that’s nowhere near as sexy, but you get my point, Ian. You get my fucking point.